To think parents nowadays are just weak

[Alberta56]

Not sure is it just me but I feel like most parents are just soft and incapabble to discipline their own kids. I constantly see topics here and not only about small kids doing what they want - screaming, tantrums, wanting stuff and parents are just so helpless. When I go on the tube kids screaming putting their dirty feet on the seats. At home kids not wanting to eat and parents act like they own a restaurant immediately cooking something else. What's wrong with saying NO, or ""keep quiet" or " you eat whats available or "you go and play alone while mommy reads a book for 1 h". Why are parents constantly trying to keep kids entertained and spend a fortune on stupid activities. Worst thing is that I see young colleagues 18/ 19 years old coming to work and are just incapable of being a human - constantly late, all the time have to think about their feelings and emotions can't even complain to HR when they're not doing their job properly....I just don't get it really. I'm about to be a mom myself and if I need i will discipline my kid with firm approach non of that " let them express themselves" cr@p.

This. I hope your child is neurotypical and therefore you have no meltdowns or eating issues. I hope your child sleeps through from 2 days old, so you never get grumpy or sleep deprived. I hope your child eats everything you ever put in front of them, no quibbles or even opinions on their likes or dislikes - after all, if they don’t like what you like, that’ll be awfully inconvenient for you won’t it?

Social media
Pressure to be the 'perfect' parent and share #kodak moments
Pressure to be their friend rather than their parent
Dictatorial MW / HV / HCP's saying you must do XYZ not ABC
Societies expectations on parents more so the mother is unreal 🤯
The mental and physical load juggling many hats and the pressure to be perfect in everything you do

Your evidence for this is?

I’ve seen lots of dc talked to but they don’t respond. No, they don’t have SEND. They just are not in the habit of listening to parents and are too young to understand detailed reasoning. There are times when “no”, “stop that” and other such words are required without having a discussion about it. When they are a bit older there is time to discuss what’s happening and feelings, if appropriate. It isn’t always.

Totally agree. My hypothetical children were SO much easier than my real ones are!

I agree to some degree. It's definitely a battlefield when you have children and you pick your battles but some are non negotiable. Like when my boys went to queue for the zip line ride and some little lad had his go then nipped to the front of the line to have another go. Instead of saying "no way sunshine. To the back of the line with you, you have to wait your turn" drippy dad was "negotiating " with him and asking "please". Sod that for a game of soldiers. I grabbed my two and said the dad wasn't teaching his boy to play fair. My two rolled their eyes at him as did I.

I'm fully aware of ND & SEN, my brother is ND and I worked in mental health. But you are scoring a home goal there, you are correct you can't always tell can't tell children with SEN/ND from just looking, so we are back to statistics and its unlikely its about either.

Stop making this out to be something its not!

Well mannered children are a delight.

The 'strict' parents I know have really well behaved children -and dogs!

There is a definite correlation between children's behaviour and dogs the family may own.

Both do well with routine and boundaries -and plenty of exercise.

An old Horseman also noticed the lack of discipline these days, and mentioned it in relation to horses, as well.

Spoiling, weak owners feeding treats can cause horses to be 'disrespectful' and sometimes dangerous.

He shows an example in this video.. {10 yr old video but is accurate still}

Discipline is not hitting.

Come back in 15yrs time when you’ve had some kids. My kids 20 and 16 are actually really well behaved kids, achieve top grades and very driven. Is it my parenting? I don’t think so, I think I’m just lucky they are like that. I can’t claim the credit for it. I do think a lot is down to personality too. Some kids are just harder than others to manage

More kids speak up about suffering now, maybe.

I’ve had two! I would make a meal. If not eaten they would not be offered anything else. However I would try to encourage and often a reward if eaten we would have an extra story or a treat after tea such as fruit dipped in chocolate.

i was saying this to my partner today! The type of parenting OP is describing is so rife among Gen Xers who had emotionally neglectful boomer parents who centered themselves. It then swung the opposite way to extremely child centred, probably as a way of soothing their own inner children. A lot of people really struggle with their children being anxious or struggling in any way and I honestly think it’s parents projecting themselves onto their children sometimes, but that’s just my take.
where parenting used to be based around the needs of parents and is now based all around the needs of the child it’d be sweet if everyone agreed it was healthiest for everyone to meet in the middle and accept both parent and child are imperfect beings who make mistakes. I may be rambling now I’m very pregnant and tired ha

Come back when you've actually got kids lovely

Unless you’re a parent of SEN children your view is quite irrelevant. Your view of statistics is also incorrect. Statistically speaking, a child is more likely to be NT than ND. But a child in meltdown being quietly coxed by their parent? That statistically is more likely to be an ND child with their parents using the right approach to lessen the emotional distress their child is in. You’re just more likely to notice that occurrence because it’s more visual than 99% of families going about their day unnoticed.

The screaming thing is what I really notice. Why do parents allow it? I'm not talking about ND kids by the way but generally.
Same as parents who let their kids run riot in cafes and restaurants. Just wasn't a common thing when I was a child. (Have just turned 40).

i couldn't disagree more so we will just have to agree to disagree - as I say, I used to work in mental health.

When I was a child you got smacked or threatened with it so you learned to keep quiet even if there was something really wrong.

Not sure that was preferable.

If I’m being generous, I think I see what you mean.

Before I had kids I remember thinking ‘no way I’d let them walk that slowly’, I’d insist on getting in the pram. Yeh, sure. It’s just that easy.

You’ll learn really, really quickly if you have a wilful child that life is no where near as simple as you think it is.

Gosh OP, u seem overly critical and clearly out of touch. The comment about letting mom read a book on her own for 1 hour sums it up. No such luxury when u r meeting the needs and caring for babies/young children!
Wishing you all the best with your new baby

Spot on

Pahahahhaha best of luck to you OP.

why don’t you come back and post again when you have a 3 year old.

clueless, delusional, absolutely batshit.

No one is talking about smacking. It’s really about consideration to others. Manners and expectations of good behaviour and what you do if dc fall short. I hate badly behaved dc. My own or others. Luckily I met few like this but I see them around me quite a lot now. No, they aren’t SEN. They just have parents who talk to them but don’t stop anything going from bad to worse. They don’t say No quickly enough. At worst, they ignore dc altogether. I’ve seen this a lot in restaurants for Sunday lunch. Parents have a few drinks and dc run riot. It’s not acceptable.

😳😂😂

So glad that your son didn't end up in prison! With parents who said 'What am I supposed to do?'

I don't think you can judge parenting today on a few Mumsnet threads and your friends kids not automatically taking their shoes off when they were at yours.

People come here when they are struggling. The people who are doing fine don't post about tantrums and fussy eaters as they have navigated through those stages without too much trouble. People post about some awful behaviour they have seen in a cafe and get lots of replies but go into any cafe in any town and the vast majority of families will be just getting along fine.

Of course there are some strange fashions and trends, I'm sure there has always been dodgy advice about. Society has changed and new mums are quite isolated. They don't have a street full of family and friends who can chip in with practical advice. I didn't really know any kids before I had my own, knew nothing about sleeping habits, had only ever seen one person breastfeed a baby. You have to get all your support online or in very small groups of NCT pals or similar. Like any skill in life, some people will take to parenting really well and find good resources to help them when they need it. Some people will be less successful or take bad advice. Some people may struggle with various stages but figure it out in the end. Then they are onto the next problem.

On the whole I look around me and I see most kids are great and most parents are doing a perfectly fine job. The ones who are completely clueless are the outliers.