To think parents nowadays are just weak

[Alberta56]

Not sure is it just me but I feel like most parents are just soft and incapabble to discipline their own kids. I constantly see topics here and not only about small kids doing what they want - screaming, tantrums, wanting stuff and parents are just so helpless. When I go on the tube kids screaming putting their dirty feet on the seats. At home kids not wanting to eat and parents act like they own a restaurant immediately cooking something else. What's wrong with saying NO, or ""keep quiet" or " you eat whats available or "you go and play alone while mommy reads a book for 1 h". Why are parents constantly trying to keep kids entertained and spend a fortune on stupid activities. Worst thing is that I see young colleagues 18/ 19 years old coming to work and are just incapable of being a human - constantly late, all the time have to think about their feelings and emotions can't even complain to HR when they're not doing their job properly....I just don't get it really. I'm about to be a mom myself and if I need i will discipline my kid with firm approach non of that " let them express themselves" cr@p.

Every perfect parent on MN thinks they are the best and other parents are shit. I'm sure plenty of the other parents think your parenting is shit too.

😂😂😂

Oh OP, I was SUCH a good parent before I had kids too.

Good luck.

She’s pregnant and hasn’t actually had to do any real life parenting yet. Thats why she’s such a perfect one.

Agree.

There was a thread a little while ago about a pregnant woman who was terrified because she’d eaten a blackberry 😂

Don't be so quick to judge! It all seemed easy before I was a mum too, it even seemed easy after the first child, child 2 was a bit more challenging. Child 3 is autistic and a whole new ball game.
I am ashamed to admit I used to judge parents if their children were like my 3rd eg late potty trained, screaming in the shop, not sitting for a meal. I now know it's not all about parenting.

Your friends sound quite inconsiderate. I wouldn't expect most kids / parents to act this way (and mine are feral!).

But we are the first generation really where:

• Both parents are more often than not working
• We are less connected to family and community - more grandparents still working so can't care for DC, more people moving away from family for work
• It's considered unsafe for kids to play out until they're much older and it's parents' fault if anything happens

- We are bad parents for using authoritarian / harsh parenting techniques as we know they can be damaging - We are aware our behaviour as parents has a big impact on how our children turn out

• We have the distraction of addictive technology
• The nursery and school systems are broken and underfunded

But the OP has made no reference to SEN children, she is talking about kids in general. Don't make this into something its not.

It reminds me of the quote attributed to Socrates:

”“Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannise their teachers.”

@sleeplessinwherever I understand but you can't take it as a dig at you, I never did because your circumstances are different to that of a child simply having a tantrum so you need to learn to seperate yourself from anything that is referring to that.

The public places was a huge challenge for a while to the point I avoided going out unnecessarily because I just knew what would happen and we'd have to turn back again. A cinema trip sticks in my mind particularly, and a no exaggeration, 3 day meltdown about a burst balloon. From opening his eyes to going to sleep the whole day was about the burst balloon, with the glassy eyed trance like facial expression he gets during a meltdown " I need the balloon, but I need it, I need the balloon, I need it" and nothing could distract him.
Sleep wise, we've just broken ground with having no lamp in his bedroom at night, he's nearly 14. He had night terrors for many years and at one point I went 9 months with no more than 3 hours sleep per night (I kept a tally) that's when my sister started coming and staying overnight once a week and let me go and stay the night at hers overnight to catch up on a nights sleep.

His speech suddenly progressed in year 5, he's very intelligent but could struggle to articulate himself and his speech was a little from the norm, his pronunciation, pitch, tone and he was very self conscious of it by that point poor soul. No one could understand what he said until he was about 6 too, apart from me, my DP, my eldest son, my sister and mum and dad. Since hitting puberty his voice went from very high pitched and squeaky to sounding like a full grown man overnight haha.

Strangely the meltdowns decreased when he started secondary school and I was expecting the total opposite. He goes to a very strict school and it appears the stringent rules and boundaries have been more settling for him. No chaos, no ambiguity, he knows exactly what he is doing, when and at what time.

It's really tough but I hope things get better for you. Fingers crossed for you.

Really don't take offence or listen to the generalised kids comments, I knew they weren't aimed at people like us so just let them wash over you.

I'm not talking about the OP and her rage bait thread. I'm talking about the 'I'm such a great parent' lot who rock up spouting about how they have wonderful kids and bang on about bloody boundaries on these sort of threads.

The op doesn’t have children, how can they tell a child isn’t ND just by a passing judgment of how they believe all other parents are doing it wrong? Generally day to day no one notices much about kids and parents going about their activities, so the times something catches your attention, how can you be absolutely sure it’s not SEN related?

Oh apologies, I thought it was directed at the OP

I've actually banned friends and family from bringing children to my house. I am very fortunate and have a big house, it's a novelty and everybody enjoys it but I've had to say no to even bringing them over because despite promises of good behaviour everybody seems incapable of saying no to their children. No you can't bring that inside, no you can't go swim, no you can't run around upstairs unsupervised, no you can't ride on the fucking dog. I hate the 'they're just children' line. I was a child once and wouldn't have dreamed of doing any of that shit. Mutch less so if being told off for it. These people also lack the money to replace things that get damaged. Haven't had any under 20 year olds in my house for a couple of years now and I'm much much happier for it.

In public I try to avoid places with kids. I go to restaurants that have effectively priced families out, or bars that don't serve any food, filled with old boys who smoke 40 a day.

I think this type of parenting is leading to less people wanting children too. You only have to go to a supermarket and see some exhausted man or woman dragging a screaming toddler about (though I saw a girl laying on the floor having a tantrum who must have been about 9 past week!) and it's enough to put you off. People who end up bullied by their own kids with literally zero control over their home or their life any more having extremely depressing lives. More and more women aren't falling into the trap and are instead choosing to just please themselves.

There is a small window of opportunity between the ages 5-10 to teach them boundaries and how to live in a society. Before that they don't understand, after that it's too late.

Good luck to all of us!

This is brilliant. It reminds me of that collection of newspaper clippings from over the decades where people write about how the next generation have it easy and are all lazy layabouts, going back 100 years or so.

It’s always the same.

And how can you be sure it is? Statistically speaking, its unlikely to be SEN related and these parents are taking direct offence over specific issues where none was intended, I am sure. I don't want them feeling sh*t over something that was never aimed at them, it was a generalised comment.

I agree with you on the whole, but also agree that it looks simple before you have kids. I have a very strong willed child and I don't always parent him the right way (needs absolute consistent boundaries), usually because I'm exhausted myself. However, it's great to start off with an ideal to work towards, because you might meet that ideal at least most of the time.

Again, you/the op would probably have absolutely no clue of a child was ND by a passing glance. Certainly if they’re younger and not even on the radar of a diagnosis yet. As I said, if the children are behaving on a way that is so noticeable that you feel the need to comment, it’s unlikely typical behaviour from ‘children in general’.

I agree with you to some extent. I just read an opinion piece called "Parents should ignore their children more often." Despite the provocative title, the writer made some good points. Placing children at the centre of attention at all times is not good for them. The obsession with constantly entertaining children is really to their detriment. Children need to have space and time to play on their own, free of adult supervision and direction.

Of course, that doesn't mean just staring at your phone and not interacting with your children at all. A balance is needed. But I must say it irritates me intensely when I see people congratulating themselves on what wonderful parents they are, when in fact they are actively damaging their children by refusing to give them reasonable freedom and independence, while at the same time allowing them far too much access to screens.

Whilst I appreciate the intent of your post, it's kind of cute that you have 0 idea what's in store for you. Come back to us on this thread when you have reached toddlerhood! 😄
I too had beautiful principles before becoming a (very flawed but very loving) mother.

I just don't recognise a lot of the descriptions of children I'm seeing on this thread. I spend a lot of time in play groups, play parks, etc... when a child snatches something, I see parents saying "No, Johnny is still playing with that" and giving it back to the child. Or if a child is too rough, I almost always see parents removing their child and talking to them. Today a child had a meltdown in the middle of a singing session and the mum quickly picked him and took him aside. When friends come to our house, the mums always tell their child to remove their shoes, and stay in the room we're all in. I almost never see parents ignoring bad behaviour. Maybe it's just my circle but I feel like I interact with a pretty diverse range of families. And yet, going by these threads, you'd think adults had universally stopped parenting. I just don't see it.

Totally agree with you. Just the idea of DC turning into a whiny spoiled narcissist Gen Z style gives me the energy to set some hard boundaries no matter his much resistance and not feel at all bad about it

The knowledge that Gen Z are MORE likely to cut contact with their parents despite being completely pampered spurs me on

I was right there agreeing with you OP until I read you are just about to become a parent....

Parenting- no handbook. Toughest job I have ever had. Most parents try their hardest. You try it out first before critiquing what others are able to achieve.

i look forward to your future posts op, one thing I’ve learned about parenting is that you will end up changing almost every single opinion you’ve ever had and you’ll realise there is no definitive answer to most issues. Best of luck with the new baby