To think parents nowadays are just weak

[Alberta56]

Not sure is it just me but I feel like most parents are just soft and incapabble to discipline their own kids. I constantly see topics here and not only about small kids doing what they want - screaming, tantrums, wanting stuff and parents are just so helpless. When I go on the tube kids screaming putting their dirty feet on the seats. At home kids not wanting to eat and parents act like they own a restaurant immediately cooking something else. What's wrong with saying NO, or ""keep quiet" or " you eat whats available or "you go and play alone while mommy reads a book for 1 h". Why are parents constantly trying to keep kids entertained and spend a fortune on stupid activities. Worst thing is that I see young colleagues 18/ 19 years old coming to work and are just incapable of being a human - constantly late, all the time have to think about their feelings and emotions can't even complain to HR when they're not doing their job properly....I just don't get it really. I'm about to be a mom myself and if I need i will discipline my kid with firm approach non of that " let them express themselves" cr@p.

Totally agree - a lot of my youngest's friends are nice kids but bloody hyper sometimes (not saying mine never get like that) and I swear it's cos they are never told to just cut it out and calm the fuck down occasionally. Have seen their parents ha-ha-ing along when they are being low level annoying and it just seems to escalate so quickly and they get ridiculous and then it's a massive ordeal to sort them out.

I think people are scared to upset them by installing some boundaries - I am pretty laid back as a parent so not talking draconian rules but stuff like not climbing all over someone else's sofa in your shoes would be a bloody start 🙄 or hiding in my bedroom when your mum comes to collect you and mum just chuckles along whilst your privacy is totally invaded by some 8 year old who is never told no.

I was hit as a child. Didn’t make an ounce of difference as I had undiagnosed adhd - not something I suddenly discovered at 35 on TikTok, I was telling people as a teen that I needed help. Could have smacked me all day long and it never made me ‘pull up my socks’ or stop getting distracted and wandering off. What it did do was give me a lifetime of guilt for any little mistake or procrastination, which lead to the mental health issues such as anxiety that the generation that moan about it created. Doing something wrong = pain and humiliation. Anyone who thinks that’s the correct way to raise a child needs to be kept away from normal civilisation.

You don't yet have any children so I don't think you're not qualified to judge other people on their parenting.

"Go and play quietly whilst mummy reads for ONE HOUR?!" 😂... Come back in about 3 or 4 years time please and let us know how that worked out for you!

I expected to get a child that was a blank slate and I would just parent them into being decent people. But, they are born with personalities and then they develop their own wants and priorities and it turns out you have to work with what you've got. I was a "I wouldn't ever" parent before I had kids and I got humbled very quickly by a very strong willed child. I would be fighting all day if I didn't pick my battles and we would all be miserable. Also, parenting is 24/7. There is no break (except work, which oddly is now your time off). Even when you are asleep you are on call, and if you have more than one kid it often feels completely impossible to do a good enough job. It's impossible to perform at 100% all the time under these conditions.

If I tried to have an hour reading a book my toddler would probably achieve his long hoped for dream of scootering off the dining room table. Although then maybe i would get a bit of time to myself in A&E...

Parenting is intense, physically and psychologically. You'll most likely join the majority of us occupying the middle ground, trying to raise children who are good, respectful people by setting boundaries and modeling good behavior. Unfortunately in this middle ground, things don't always go right, sometimes your kids leave biscuit crumbs everywhere and your too tired (or occupied with stopping them demolishing the rest of the house) to notice.

One thing that seems to be universal about parenting is that everyone finds elements of it challenging. Hopefully you'll be lucky and your challenges will be manageable. But, starting from a position of thinking weak parents get bad behavior and strong/competent parents get well behaved kids who can occupy themselves is potentially setting yourself up to feel really shit about yourself when things inevitably go wrong.

Honestly OP, as a parent of two children I actually don't disagree with the premise of your post, although I do think it's a bit simplistic and "eat what's on your plate" doesn't work! Although I've found "it's your choice whether to eat it or not but if not, it's just bread and butter instead" worked well.

I do think behaviour standards are slipping, a lot of parents are ineffectual and we're raising a generation that is, in general entitled with no resilience. That's certainly true of many of the school leavers and young graduates I come across at work anyway.

DH and I are viewed as quite strict but DDs are great and in the main, impeccably behaved. We have high standards for some things (behaviour is the main one) but are easy going about other things (whether they eat their dinner or not) and I think in the main that has worked well. We aren't strict for no reason, we'd never say "because I said so" but DDs know that they are expected to be polite and well behaved.

Sorry, little Hugo will be laughing and trying to stand on his pony’s saddle whilst Mumsy tells him to “GET DOWN HUGO” to no avail

I sort of agree, my kids are grown up, yes they were a nightmare sometimes, but l work in a resurant the number of parents who let there kids stand on seats, throw food on floor and scream non stop for an hour is ridiculous, I'm not talking about babies but 4/5year olds. I would have taken my kids outside if they behaving like that or at least attempted to get them to sit down If l was alone.
I was leaving tonight and saw a little boy about 3 tell his dad to fuck off..his,dad was just laughing. I'm fed up off parenting these people's kids, l picked a baby up from behind the bar the other week nobody had even noticed she had crawled away. We have an open kitchen and the amount of kids l have to tell to go away from the pass is ridiculous, it's hot and dangerous..
Edited to add l with a lot of young adults, God they are hard work, no ability to think for themselves, get thier mum to phone in sick for them or come and and try to explain how the work is to hard..

This.

My first child completely changed my view of parenting and other peoples choices.

My second ended up with severe ASD and changed it even more.

I think you are going to be one of those people who think you can sleep train your baby, they will just take the breast straightaway (I did bf myself) and will NEVER have tantrums as a toddler, will never eat a pizza, always do their homework and will never get a detention just because you say so. Kids don't work like that. You will find out the hard way by the looks of things. The attitude you have is just setting yourself up for a lot of guilt and feelings of failure when you do have kids.

I think some parents are crap - there have always been crap, permissive parents - but you are massively over-generalising.

I also hope you don't end up with a severely disabled child like my son. The mess is unreal because he just doesn't understand the concept of mess and loves the sensation of making it. It sounds like you would struggle.

Oh so you don’t actually have children. I too was an amazing and intelligent parent before I actually had kids.

For what it’s worth, my Mom was an ‘I’ll just read a book for 1 hour parent’, we are pretty low contact.

Well older generations have been complaining about younger ones since at least Ancient Greece, so YABU there.

There are often a few issues at play in terms of children being poorly behaved but a key one is parents not being empathetic to their children or the people around them, i.e. being disrespectful of others. If kids can express that they're tired or bored, that can help a parent plan when it's a good time to exit a situation. Just wait and see.

I'd say that with the intolerant and generalising attitude you've shown here, your kids don't stand a chance. HTH

Exactly. I find imaginary children are always easier to parent than real ones 🤣

This!
Parenting advice from someone who's not yet a parent 🤔 interesting concept.

Your child is gonna shit all over these expectations, but I wish you good luck, soldier.

I saw a little toddler today , {Could have been a girl, though, hard to tell when they are that young} COMPLETELY ignored by his grandfather{Father?} who was engrossed in his phone.

The little one was picking up leaves and showing them in wonder, but the man was oblivious.

The little one had a toy ball and were amusing themselves for about 45 minutes , such a good and sweet child.

It was so sad seeing such a child being ignored while he was wanting interaction.

He showed me his leaves, 🍁 🍂 and I watched him to make sure he didn't wander off, but it was bad to see such a child being wantonly unsupervised.

Phones are so distracting-

Parenting has probably gone downhill since phones became mainstream.

😂

Parents aren't weak. They're terrified all the time of getting it wrong.

They're bombarded constantly with completely conflicting advice.

There's no actual helpful, in-person support through children's centres etc.

Social media pushes horror stories from around the whole globe (back in the day, you only knew about the kids you knew) so they're painfully aware of every single "mistake" they could make.

Expectations are higher than ever (even in the 10 years since I had mine, now people are talking about how you must never put your baby in a "container". How the fuck do you safely contain them then?!)

There's worse things than giving into a few tantrums. Leave mums be.

I do actually think the type of parenting you're advocating is really quite lazy/passive. At least with small kids, you can't just say "NO". You have to get up and actuively remove them from the situation or remove whatever it is they shouldn't be doing. And fobbing them off with "just go and play so I can read" is really ineffective and lazy because it gives them no clear idea of what they can do or how long it'll be. You have to proactively teach them how to entertain themselves over periods of time. Parenting children to be independent and well-mannered actually requires quite a bit of creativity and thoughtfulness.

It’s not ‘parents these days’ it’s just some parents are a bit shit.

I was born in the late 70s. I had one of these parents. If I wanted cake for dinner, I got cake for dinner. In fact, I had about 2 years around age 9-11 when what I wanted was ice cream for breakfast. I ate ice cream every single day for breakfast, in my bed, if you can believe it! I had to have about 8 teeth pulled at one point and have had all sorts of dental issues as an adult. 🙄 If I wanted a puppy, I got a puppy. Literally one day, I had a tantrum and wanted my mum to buy me this puppy we saw. We went home with the puppy. If I didn’t want to go to school, I didn’t go to school. I missed a whole year of school (and no one ever came looking for me either, I could have been dead!).

It was purely because my mum didn’t have the emotional maturity to enforce structure and boundaries. Everything was about making everyone happy. A child that was crying because she said no made her anxious and feel like a bad person, so she always said yes because then she could feel better. It was the 80s. There was none of the stuff of modern life or new age parenting. She was just rubbish and had issues that probably a good bit of therapy would have sorted out.

That said, because of that probably, I am most certainly not that sort of parent. My kids have boundaries. I say no. They get upset. No one has a phone all night to do whatever they shouldn’t be doing. No one spends money on dumb silly stuff just to keep the peace. They sit nicely in restaurants or we take them outside until they do. They act appropriately and politely in public (or we go home). This is how the real world works and I want them to grow up knowing there are expectations on their behaviour. They are primary and secondary age now and (mostly 😂) pretty good.

I think we need a happy medium approach. It’s gone too far with coddling and indulging children. Whereas in my time we were physically punished for being seen and heard. A sensible medium is necessary, perhaps parents are a little scared of doing so but most of course are just trying their best and getting through the day. Lack of physical community doesn’t help.

Containers? Are there jars we can put them in?!

God the cups of tea I could finish 😂

I stayed with a friend recently who lives in a Victorian terrace house. I was very tired and went to bed early around 10pm, immediately dozed off but was woken shortly after by the piercing screams of a baby crying. After about 40 minutes I got up and went to wake up my friend saying that something must be very wrong next door as this baby had been screaming and crying for almost an hour. Maybe something had happen to the parents? Should we call the police, an ambulance, anybody for help?

She went on to explain to me that the parents were probably there and doing something called 'self soothing'?! in which the baby is ignored and sounded very much to me like child neglect. How bloody barbaric to not attend to a crying child!

Has anyone else heard of this?

I agree.

There are so many posts with the OP saying they won’t have another child because they just wouldn’t be able to cope with more than one.

What has happened? Parenting never used to be this hard.

I do think it’s no coincidence that this is happening at the same time as the trend for co-sleeping, baby wearing, extended breastfeeding, gentle parenting etc (basically never getting a moment’s peace.)

It’s all put so much pressure on parents (and created very demanding kids) that no wonder they all can’t cope.

I have 3 (one ND) and it’s fine. We just have rules.

I'm sure every generation has thought this about the next generation of parents coming up behind them.

I was also the perfect parent before I had kids, OP. I look back at some of my hot takes and cringe! So utterly grateful my friends and family put up with my naïvety, it was short lived!

You mean, a baby crying?

Shocking.