To ask mum to clean up?

[Puppyyikes]

My DD is almost 2 and we have a FT nanny as my husband and I both work 5 days a week. My mum was never able to commit to a specific childcare day, although I did ask her, back when we got our nanny - because she likes to travel a lot with her sister. If she had been willing, we’d have gotten a PT nanny or done nursery.

now though, my mum texts every week to ask when she can see my DD, and usually comes up one afternoon or morning per week to take her. This means our nanny gets paid time off, half a day a week or sometimes more (since it isn’t her choice not to work.) I find this annoying at times, as it means we’re overpaying, but I’ve had to make peace with it for the trade off of my DD having time with her GM.

However, on the days when my mum takes my DD, she does no cleaning at all, meaning the house looks like a total bomb has gone off when I get home from work. WIBU to ask her to please clean up dirty plates etc / food on the floor / normal toddler stuff? Or should I just be grateful for the (unsolicited…) childcare?

my mum also comes regularly on weekends, but there’s only so much we can have her round before it gets a bit much for my husband. He works very long hours so only really gets to see our DD on weekends.

just wondering how others would deal with this situation. My mum is very sensitive to being criticised, so I have to be careful about this.

The nanny can clean up. It's not redefining her role, the nanny should be tidying up after toys, food prepared for the baby, change of clothes in the wash basket and some wash, dry and fold during naps. She's contracted to work those hours and get paid anyway.

Cleaning up IS part of a nanny's job. I'm sure it features quite heavily!

That depends on the terms OP has with her nanny.

Cleaning up after the child is one thing, cleaning up after OP’s mum is another.

Yr child u clean up.

Not after an adult who doesn't live in the house and just turns up and disrupts your working day when they feel like it.

I had a live in nanny for ten years OP.

There is no way I would ask her to tidy up after me let alone another adult.

Assuming your mum tidies up after herself in her own home, washes up, puts stuff in the dishwasher etc I would find it really rude and entitled for her to not tidy up after herself in your home.

Think about it, as a guest in anyone's home you at the very least put your stuff in the dishwasher.

So she pops round when she wants, not on a set day, and basically tells you when she's having your child, then treats your house like you're her cleaner? It's madness to live like this. Surely any supportive grandparent would not want your child to miss classes that she enjoys, when it's not necessary? This whole situation sounds like a power play.

Say that it's nanny and grandmother together

Absolutely

Tell Mum to clear up yer shit...you're a full time working parent and she's creating more work for you

My mum would never need to be asked

Definitely send the child your mums house

She doesn't need to do any child proofing as she will be watching the child like a hawk

You're confusing visiting with childcare. Your mum is coming to visit her granddaughter, not to provide care. I would suggest you keep your nanny there, and invite your mum around for visits at your convenience. Then expect from her what you would expect from a guest, not what you would expect from a nanny.

Under no circumstances should you ask your mum to clean up after herself or anyone else. She wants to see her grandchild and there is. Irving wrong with that. You are being totally unreasonable and would get short shift from me if you were my daughter. Ask the nanny to do it or do it yourself and be grateful your child is building a bond with their grandparent.

Rude!

Growing up my Mother always nagged me to clean up after myself

There's no way she wouldn't get the same nag back

Exactly.

There are countless threads on here about adult family members not cleaning up after themselves and many agreeing not to have them over again, but because OP has a nanny and her mother has decided to grace her granddaughter with her presence, her mother doesn’t seemingly have to tidy after herself. Ridiculous, but not surprising. Some posters will accept anything from their parents if it means they show a tidbit of interest towards their grandchildren.

As all mothers know..one is perfectly able to care for a two year old AND put the dirty plates in the dishwasher

Can you not ask your mum to do a morning rather than an afternoon and then the nanny can be there to sort the mess on the afternoon. Hopefully she wouldn’t mind since she would be getting the morning off and still getting paid.

I’m bamboozled at a lot of these comments. Grandma time is different to paid childcare. I’d personally always opt for my dd to be with her gran (her family) to bond and make memories, over paid childcare. Yes appreciate it’s a waste of money but you’re paying nanny for security so you can go to work…. I pay for nursery £100 a day but don’t see it as a waste of money if dd gets taken out early by mum (mum lives 2.5 hour away so can’t commit to anything regular albeit comes up once a week probably 3 out of 4 weeks) . I’m paying that £100 a day for work security, but I think it’s far better for my dd to be with family when she can be. The tidying can wait, surely it’s not that bad. Just offering a different view point which appears to be against the grain.

@Givemethesun I think OPcs made it clear it's not really about the money.

For us it wasn't "just a bit of tidying". It was the straw that broke the camel's back on top of juggling the kids, work, commuting. I'm not so sure it's a different view or even different priorities so much as a different experience, different relationships. l could have written your post before I actually tried it, I agree it sounded great in theory which is why we did it. But for us the reality was relentless, and switching it for an extra day in nursery just tipped us back into coping again. Your experience of it happily sounds very much easier than ours was, and more like I thought it would be before we actually tried it! But unlike you, OP is struggling with it.

When i look after my granddaughters at my daughters house its a joint effort tidying up mum works so does dad and i don't wish for them to tidy up especially if me and the grandchildren have made the mess. Also same if they come to mine we tidy up .

Your mum is your mum, not the paid help

Your mother is coming to visit her grandchild not to do your housework.

There's a difference between "doing the housework" and leaving a mess. Leaving a mess is just rude.

As the nanny is being paid, ask her to do it, if it comes under her remit.

And spend even LESS time with their child??

Only if she wants to. Personally I’d quite like an afternoon off every month or so but not everyone would and that’s fine.