To ask mum to clean up?

[Puppyyikes]

My DD is almost 2 and we have a FT nanny as my husband and I both work 5 days a week. My mum was never able to commit to a specific childcare day, although I did ask her, back when we got our nanny - because she likes to travel a lot with her sister. If she had been willing, we’d have gotten a PT nanny or done nursery.

now though, my mum texts every week to ask when she can see my DD, and usually comes up one afternoon or morning per week to take her. This means our nanny gets paid time off, half a day a week or sometimes more (since it isn’t her choice not to work.) I find this annoying at times, as it means we’re overpaying, but I’ve had to make peace with it for the trade off of my DD having time with her GM.

However, on the days when my mum takes my DD, she does no cleaning at all, meaning the house looks like a total bomb has gone off when I get home from work. WIBU to ask her to please clean up dirty plates etc / food on the floor / normal toddler stuff? Or should I just be grateful for the (unsolicited…) childcare?

my mum also comes regularly on weekends, but there’s only so much we can have her round before it gets a bit much for my husband. He works very long hours so only really gets to see our DD on weekends.

just wondering how others would deal with this situation. My mum is very sensitive to being criticised, so I have to be careful about this.

Don’t have your mum mid week. Says she can look after DD at the weekend for a couple of hours every couple of weeks.

there, fixed it :)

Can't the nanny stay at your house too? It means your DD then has two adults, the nanny can create games or messy play, help with feeding or the cooking. It means that your mum gets the fun tasks

Mum isn’t allowed to stay at your home with DD if she is leaving it a mess. It’s a simple answer.

Tell your mother she can’t just turn up when she wants - it’s disruptive for child and nanny - I used to be a nanny and this arrangement would have driven me nuts - tell mum she can have child on certain days and not just turn up when she wants

Your mum should clean up because she’s not really providing childcare when you are paying the nanny. She’s just a visitor and visitor’s should not mess up other people’s homes.

I also don’t think it’s a faux pas to have the nanny clean up. Light housework is commonly in the job remit.

Presumably you weren’t also paying for a nanny to not work who would also have left you a tidy house.

I don't understand why your mum doesn't clean up after herself. If I went round a family members or friends I wouldn't dream of leaving a mess or washing up before I left. Not that it's an excuse but is your mum messy/untidy in her own home?

What if your mum came round in the morning, the nanny has the morning off but comes back to take over at 12-1pm - give baby lunch and is then there till you get home; would she not clear up ALL the mess made all day?

This. I'm not sure why everyone has to walk on eggshells around someone who is not helping and in fact hindering family life.

Not that same as we aren’t paying for a nanny but my mum has my DC once a week (obviously very grateful as doing us a favour) but she leaves behind so much mess, so I do sympathise. We’ve actually spoken about upping DC’s nursery hours once the funded hours kick in so she doesn’t need to have him as it’s such a pain clearing up so much when we get in from a busy day at work. So I sympathise.

What on earth is a "child proofed" house?

Firstly, presenting your nanny with a messy house when she walks in for the day so she has no choice but to tidy it to get her job done, is a sure fire way to piss her off, much like if she walked in the house and your dinner dishes from the night before were strewn everywhere.

and secondly, why should she? She’s not a maid service, changing her hours so she has no choice but to tidy up is sneaky, she didn’t make the mess so why should she have to clean it up.

I'm late to this thread, but you've got your answer here.

She also plans classes for my DD that then end up cancelled or rescheduled because of my mum coming round

Answer:

"Sorry mum, but Nanny and Baby have plans and they've already been paid for. You can come on X day when the plan for Baby is to have a quiet day at home, and it'll give Nanny a break. Let us know each week if you're coming, with at least 2 days notice in case anyone plans change."

Sorted.

If your mum couldn’t commit to a set day each week, why are you allowing her to now interfere with your schedule? It’s your child, your house, your money paying the nanny, therefore you get to call the shots. Tell your mum she can’t do this anymore, it’s disrupting everybody and put your boundaries in place.

Stair gates, no breakable ornaments in reach (both for the breakages and the injuries), etc.

Common sense stuff with small child but not all homes are set up for small children because the small children aren't there.

My friends parents don't like the grandkids being there because they touch things and make mess. Their house is not child proof.

Because she's being paid for nothing those mornings so a little clean up seems reasonable?

Would you clear up after your employers mother?

I regularly do jobs at work that aren't in my job description. So yes, I would. If it's in work time, and it's related to my role, I'm typically happy to do anything!

I'm happy to do anything related to work in my role. But clearing up mess another person, not related to my work, has made isn't something I'd do. Adults clear up after themselves.

She also plans classes for my DD that then end up cancelled or rescheduled because of my mum coming round. so at least the goodwill helps with that!

You are letting your Mum trample over you like a cart and horse.

It’s lovely that she wants to spend time with her grandchild, but your Dd isn’t her leisure activity available to entertain her when she feels like it.

Try and take control. Suggest afternoons that she can come, and on days when the nanny has groups or classes say ‘no, not convenient, she has tumble tots that day’.

And be clear. Tell her you have a nanny so that you come home from a busy day to a tidy orderly house and you just can’t cope coming home to a mess.

This

I agree.

As your nanny is being paid anyway, couldn't you get her to spend the last hour of her working day cleaning up?

YANBU

Adults clean up after themselves. If this was her own home, doubt she would like someone leaving her home like a bomb site after visiting, children involved or not.

Good nannies are hard to find. Redefining her role as a cleaner who clears up after her employer's mother one day per week may be a good way to encourage a trained professional nanny, who chose her profession because she loves working with children and sees herself as a professional early years educator, to look for a more suitable alternative employer.

Generally people who are very good at their jobs and not employed as cleaners politely and discretely look for, and find, new employment if the terms and conditions change from what they're trained for, to cleaning. The same way an excellent cleaner who had chosen to be a cleaner because they got satisfaction from working autonomously without interruptions to a high standard might resign if informed they were now looking after their employers' children instead on an ad-hoc basis.