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Original poster

Girls Trip

135 replies

Franksnbeans · 16/09/2024 11:28

Just got back from a girls trip away. There were 12 of us so we rented a large house closest to the majority and the rest of us have travelled there. Long weekend away so 3 nights from Friday through to today. I’m actually just on my way home and currently on the train

The actual trip has been great - we’ve done loads of activities, meals out, drinking, quite the typical girls trip away. In fact I’ve loved being with them all.

We are all in our late 40s, in long term relationships with kids, some of us are married, so organising something like this is rare. In fact, because of our busy lives with kids and full time jobs, we’ve never done more than one night away together. We do however speak often and on average we all get together for lunch/dinner in various quantities of us, about every 2-3 months. We have all known each other for years varying through school, work, kids etc

I have however been really shocked at one my friends. We have all found out this morning that in the dead of night lastnight when we were all asleep, that she has sneaked a random bloke into the house that she had met on the first night out of the trip, when we had gone to the local pub. I can honestly say she had spoken to him face to face on that night for no more than 5 minutes. We didn’t know she had got his number. She had sex with him in the house and then he left.

She has told us about it quite matter of factly this morning when we were all packing up and cleaning and when we have asked why, she has confessed that her and her DP have an open relationship. And her DP had consented. So in that aspect I cannot hold what she has done against her. Each to their own on that one.

However my issue is that none of us knew him, none of us knew he was coming into the house, she had waited until we were all fast asleep and it had clearly been planned. I can’t help but feel really sick at the thought that we had an adult male stranger in the house whilst we were all fast asleep and totally vulnerable. I’m already really wary about sleeping anywhere alone other than at home and it’s just really thrown me. I keep running through ‘what ifs’ in my mind.

Am I being a bit precious about it? My DP is absolutely furious - at her obviously not me. And I’m also really not sure how I approach this with friend in future

OP posts:
poppyzbrite4 · 16/09/2024 11:33

On the face of it, she didn't do anything wrong and it's none of anyone's business who she chooses to sleep with. Odd no one knows she's in a open marriage though and she kept it a secret all this time.

As for the safety aspect, she shouldn't really have invited a strange man into the house but there were 12 of you.

Neverstophoping · 16/09/2024 11:36

It's funny how he is an adult male stranger but you are all 40 year old "girls"?
If you all infantilise yourselves in this way why are you surprised that one of your number actually behaves like a teenager?

Beezknees · 16/09/2024 11:36

poppyzbrite4 · 16/09/2024 11:33

On the face of it, she didn't do anything wrong and it's none of anyone's business who she chooses to sleep with. Odd no one knows she's in a open marriage though and she kept it a secret all this time.

As for the safety aspect, she shouldn't really have invited a strange man into the house but there were 12 of you.

This sums it up.

Original poster
Franksnbeans · 16/09/2024 11:38

Neverstophoping · 16/09/2024 11:36

It's funny how he is an adult male stranger but you are all 40 year old "girls"?
If you all infantilise yourselves in this way why are you surprised that one of your number actually behaves like a teenager?

Would you prefer I termed it as ‘menopausal womens trip’ ?

OP posts:
PickledBiscuits · 16/09/2024 11:40

I suspect that there will be variety of reactions about it within your group, some people won't care, some will feel mildly uncomfortable, some will have an issue with it and some will feel like you do.

Ideally she would have asked you all about it first but what's done is done.

It's upto you now to let her know that you're not OK with it and that if you go away again you don't feel safe having a stranger in the house especially without being asked about it.

It's not upto her to know your boundaries, ideally she would have asked you. You can let her know your boundaries now.

Itisjustmyopinion · 16/09/2024 11:40

What an over reaction both by you and your DP, being absolutely furious is ridiculous

I could just about be understanding of your concern if you were the only other person in the house but there was another 11

ThePrologue · 16/09/2024 11:42

Franksnbeans · 16/09/2024 11:38

Would you prefer I termed it as ‘menopausal womens trip’ ?

Show quote history

Women
Not girls
Just women

Neverstophoping · 16/09/2024 11:43

Franksnbeans · 16/09/2024 11:38

Would you prefer I termed it as ‘menopausal womens trip’ ?

Show quote history

What is wrong with calling yourselves women?

Why do you have to use terminology that has age implications : girls, menopausal?

Very sad when women label themselves in this dismissive, undermining way. It's bad enough society does it without women enabling it.

DesigningWoman · 16/09/2024 11:44

Itisjustmyopinion · 16/09/2024 11:40

What an over reaction both by you and your DP, being absolutely furious is ridiculous

I could just about be understanding of your concern if you were the only other person in the house but there was another 11

Yes, and frankly, is this really the first time you’ve been in a houseshare situation where someone had a man in for sex unbeknownst to you? I’d only have been cross if he was still there at breakfast eating my share of the toast.

MartinCrieffsLemon · 16/09/2024 11:44

If it was a room with just two of you - yes it would be unreasonable
But a house with 12 of you?
Presumably no-one was in the room with her where she had sex?
What if she was bi/a lesbian and brought a woman back? Would you feel the same?

Original poster
Franksnbeans · 16/09/2024 11:45

poppyzbrite4 · 16/09/2024 11:33

On the face of it, she didn't do anything wrong and it's none of anyone's business who she chooses to sleep with. Odd no one knows she's in a open marriage though and she kept it a secret all this time.

As for the safety aspect, she shouldn't really have invited a strange man into the house but there were 12 of you.

Obviously we all vary in our degrees of closeness and an open relationship isn’t something I’d imagine many people shout about. As it turns out, out of all of us, only one other of our group knew about them having an open relationship.

My point really is with it being that we weren’t aware of the situation or aware that this might have happened, it is unsettling to know that she found it ok to just invite a random person into the house for sex when everyone was asleep. I think really it’s something that should have been discussed or agreed to before it happened. And yes in this case, I probably would have locked my bedroom door rather than left it open

OP posts:
InTheRainOnATrain · 16/09/2024 11:46

There were 12 of you and 1 of him?! So long as she wasn’t making a racket then who cares. You and your DH are massively overreacting.

SallyWD · 16/09/2024 11:48

I find it strange behaviour on her part. I wouldn't be concerned from a safety point of view (12 against 1) but more from an etiquette perspective.

poppyzbrite4 · 16/09/2024 11:49

Franksnbeans · 16/09/2024 11:45

Obviously we all vary in our degrees of closeness and an open relationship isn’t something I’d imagine many people shout about. As it turns out, out of all of us, only one other of our group knew about them having an open relationship.

My point really is with it being that we weren’t aware of the situation or aware that this might have happened, it is unsettling to know that she found it ok to just invite a random person into the house for sex when everyone was asleep. I think really it’s something that should have been discussed or agreed to before it happened. And yes in this case, I probably would have locked my bedroom door rather than left it open

Show quote history

Nothing happened. Danger averted. If you go away with her again, ask her to let you know if she wants to bring a stranger back.

Caroparo52 · 16/09/2024 11:53

Next time tell her to book a local hotel for her shagathon

Shoxfordian · 16/09/2024 11:55

Did you never live in a shared house op? You're being really dramatic

Rosybud88 · 16/09/2024 11:55

I wouldn’t have been happy at all if a friend did this. I won’t go into details but I had an incident on a trip as a younger woman specifically when I was asleep so I wouldn’t appreciate a stranger being snuck into the house at all. It doesn’t feel appropriate for a girly weekend especially when everyone is attached, it’s not something that would be expected. I don’t think you are overreacting.

Santasbigredbobblehat · 16/09/2024 11:57

Given she told you, rather than you bumped into him on the stairs, I don't think it matters. And it's nothing to do with your partner.

JMSA · 16/09/2024 11:57

Neverstophoping · 16/09/2024 11:36

It's funny how he is an adult male stranger but you are all 40 year old "girls"?
If you all infantilise yourselves in this way why are you surprised that one of your number actually behaves like a teenager?

ALWAYS one. In fact, it's like Mumsnet bingo.

onwardsup4 · 16/09/2024 11:59

Itisjustmyopinion · 16/09/2024 11:40

What an over reaction both by you and your DP, being absolutely furious is ridiculous

I could just about be understanding of your concern if you were the only other person in the house but there was another 11

This! He's furious is he? I think he needs to calm down

gannett · 16/09/2024 12:00

I've lived in many houseshares over the years and this was par for the course. I couldn't even count the number of times various housemates brought people back for the night without a heads-up. I'd have thought it bizarre if they did tell everyone else beforehand tbh. When I brought people back it wouldn't have occurred to me to tell my housemates.

Itsallfunngamesuntil · 16/09/2024 12:01

Neverstophoping · 16/09/2024 11:36

It's funny how he is an adult male stranger but you are all 40 year old "girls"?
If you all infantilise yourselves in this way why are you surprised that one of your number actually behaves like a teenager?

Get over yourself. It's a colloquialism

ComtesseDeSpair · 16/09/2024 12:02

There’s absolutely no point being furious about things which had no impact on you and where nothing untoward happened. And it’s nothing to do with your DH, he’s just trying to stir the pot with his drama. If all the other friends would also prefer it didn’t happen, just make it a rule for future trips that nobody brings anyone back without asking permission of everyone else in the house.

MintyNew · 16/09/2024 12:02

I would just drop her honestly. That sounds like someone I really wouldn't want to associate with. I think I would tolerate her for the wider friendship group but have no one to one interaction with her. Gross, who behaves like this.

DesigningWoman · 16/09/2024 12:04

gannett · 16/09/2024 12:00

I've lived in many houseshares over the years and this was par for the course. I couldn't even count the number of times various housemates brought people back for the night without a heads-up. I'd have thought it bizarre if they did tell everyone else beforehand tbh. When I brought people back it wouldn't have occurred to me to tell my housemates.

It was sometimes hilarious if more than one stayed over, met over breakfast and turned out to know one another. I remember once in about 1992, this happening, and the two guys clearly loathed one another, so there was a lot of teeth-baring and ‘So, got lucky, did you, Sweeney? over the toaster while we all tried not to die laughing.