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Original poster

Girls Trip

135 replies

Franksnbeans · 16/09/2024 11:28

Just got back from a girls trip away. There were 12 of us so we rented a large house closest to the majority and the rest of us have travelled there. Long weekend away so 3 nights from Friday through to today. I’m actually just on my way home and currently on the train

The actual trip has been great - we’ve done loads of activities, meals out, drinking, quite the typical girls trip away. In fact I’ve loved being with them all.

We are all in our late 40s, in long term relationships with kids, some of us are married, so organising something like this is rare. In fact, because of our busy lives with kids and full time jobs, we’ve never done more than one night away together. We do however speak often and on average we all get together for lunch/dinner in various quantities of us, about every 2-3 months. We have all known each other for years varying through school, work, kids etc

I have however been really shocked at one my friends. We have all found out this morning that in the dead of night lastnight when we were all asleep, that she has sneaked a random bloke into the house that she had met on the first night out of the trip, when we had gone to the local pub. I can honestly say she had spoken to him face to face on that night for no more than 5 minutes. We didn’t know she had got his number. She had sex with him in the house and then he left.

She has told us about it quite matter of factly this morning when we were all packing up and cleaning and when we have asked why, she has confessed that her and her DP have an open relationship. And her DP had consented. So in that aspect I cannot hold what she has done against her. Each to their own on that one.

However my issue is that none of us knew him, none of us knew he was coming into the house, she had waited until we were all fast asleep and it had clearly been planned. I can’t help but feel really sick at the thought that we had an adult male stranger in the house whilst we were all fast asleep and totally vulnerable. I’m already really wary about sleeping anywhere alone other than at home and it’s just really thrown me. I keep running through ‘what ifs’ in my mind.

Am I being a bit precious about it? My DP is absolutely furious - at her obviously not me. And I’m also really not sure how I approach this with friend in future

OP posts:
PinotDragon · 16/09/2024 19:42

You're being a bit OTT. By the sounds of it he left soon after so was far to busy shagging your friend to have been up to something like riffling through your undies.

Mama2many73 · 16/09/2024 19:42

gannett · 16/09/2024 12:00

I've lived in many houseshares over the years and this was par for the course. I couldn't even count the number of times various housemates brought people back for the night without a heads-up. I'd have thought it bizarre if they did tell everyone else beforehand tbh. When I brought people back it wouldn't have occurred to me to tell my housemates.

But that's where you all lived. That's totally different to a group of women having a weekend away with friends .

Cm19841 · 16/09/2024 20:08

A friend sleeping over after a night out (local) versus nights away on holiday are completely different things. I highly doubt your friend would sneak a man back into another friend's house. That is a really alarmist wild suggestion. And I think making it is trying to stoke up drama and shame the woman. I don't like that at all.

I'm not sure what your dynamic is with your husband but I would have kept this to myself and maintained discretion. Now your husband thinks your friends are wild and he won't be so keen for you to spend time and money on another trip. Sorry, but it is true and you have shot yourself in the foot now.

It really would have been a good idea to focus on what you enjoyed and have minded your own business. You can be annoyed your friend did this but it isn't necessary to react or respond to every single annoying thing in life, sometimes it's best not. A lot less drama too!

Youremylobster86 · 16/09/2024 20:21

Very dramatic OP.

PolePrince55 · 16/09/2024 20:27

Given a choice I'd of said no girl, you go to him.
But if I found out after I'd be miffed for 5 mins and then got over it.
I wouldn't have told my husband, it's not his business!!
I'm not sure why your DP is annoyed 🤷‍♀️

PolePrince55 · 16/09/2024 20:27

Given a choice I'd of said no girl, you go to him.
But if I found out after I'd be miffed for 5 mins and then got over it.
I wouldn't have told my husband, it's not his business!!
I'm not sure why your DP is annoyed

cantreallyno · 16/09/2024 20:31

If it was my friend, I would rather she brought the strange man into the house to have sex with him. so if he ended up being a problem, we were all there to help her. it's better than her going off to his house or somewhere else, alone isn't it

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 16/09/2024 20:43

It was kind of strange to risk offending/upsetting/worrying some or all of you so much on this holiday, but not the same as bringing back a strange man to your home, and there's no reason to think that she would do that.

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 16/09/2024 21:10

WTF has what this woman does got to do with your partner? Confused

TheOccupier · 16/09/2024 21:11

Ugh, YANBU - I wouldn't like this at all. Skanky, inappropriate, inconsiderate behaviour. I'd not speak to this friend again, honestly. If she wants to shag randoms let her do that on her own time rather than taint a nice all-female weekend by bringing a stranger into your space.

outdamnedspots · 16/09/2024 21:19

It's literally nothing to do with your dp. You deciding to spend money on this trip so you can't go away for your dp's birthday is irrelevant too.

I wonder if your friend has really been flirty with him or if he's imagining it? Have you ever noticed that?

And your friend asking a man back to a friends' weekend away is nothing like her asking a man back to a family home. Don't be silly.

jazzyBBBB · 16/09/2024 21:47

It is a bit grim and it would change my view of her as it wasn't the person I thought I knew. I get what you are saying about safety but in truth he was probably more interested in getting laid. As long as he hadn't took my purse or keys I wouldn't be too bothered about that angle.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 16/09/2024 22:06

12 to 1. I think you would have been fine. Especially given he was there to shag your friend not you.

PineappleRingpiece · 16/09/2024 22:10

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Abbylikeswine · 16/09/2024 22:13

Franksnbeans · 16/09/2024 11:38

Would you prefer I termed it as ‘menopausal womens trip’ ?

Show quote history

I also thought "girls trip" was a bit of an odd phase for women in their forties.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 16/09/2024 22:51

She brought a man into what was supposed to be a female only space and shagged him in a communal area. I never sleep through the night and could very easily have got up to get a drink or something. It’s not remotely the same as shared accommodation at uni. There are times when you are expecting things like this and times when you’re not. It would put me off going away with her again.

M340 · 17/09/2024 12:19

Waitingfordoggo · 16/09/2024 17:08

@M340 I’ll be honest, the number of times you’ve used ‘cringe’ as if it were an adjective is, well… cringe-worthy.

How cringe.

There's a fourth for you.

Waitingfordoggo · 17/09/2024 22:21

😂

Nikki8762 · 19/09/2024 13:09

Neverstophoping · 16/09/2024 11:36

It's funny how he is an adult male stranger but you are all 40 year old "girls"?
If you all infantilise yourselves in this way why are you surprised that one of your number actually behaves like a teenager?

My mums I'm her 60s and she calls it. Girls trip, or she's seeing the girls. It's just a term that makes something that sounds more fun and freeing ans there's no harm in it.

NothingVenturedAndAllThat · 19/09/2024 13:20

OP, I think this is one of those unwinnable situations. Right now, half the people responding here think you're a paranoid loon, but if we'd all woken to the headline '12 British Women Strangled in Sleep During Villa Holiday', the immediate question would've been 'Well why did she let a random man in the house?'

It didn't happen, so your concerns over the possibility of that happening won't ever be validated because for most people, the proximity of that outcome to their own situation is so perceivably vast that it's not something they're consciously thinking about. However, it does happen, and the risk was there, no matter how small. So, how you feel about it now is up to you. I probably wouldn't go on any more holidays with her, tbh. Mostly because I like to be aware of the risks I'm taking before I take them.

The other thing is that everyone has different acceptable levels of risk. Some people love rollercoasters, others are terrified. There'll be a variety of opinions on this for that reason. I'm the type of person to be overly cautious and feel silly after rather than wishing I'd taken better precautions after it's too late. YMMV.

Paganpentacle · 19/09/2024 13:38

DeCaray · 16/09/2024 12:08

I wouldn't be friends with someone who has dubious morals.

I would also tell her husband.

She's in an open relationship. ,

BreezyEagle · 19/09/2024 16:41

OP I completely agree with you as a woman who has been sexually assaulted by a random man whom a 'friend' at the time deemed it 'safe' to bring into the holiday cottage with five women there.
This for me would be the end of said friendship! That she has so little regard for everyone else's safety yeah bye bye.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing I suppose!
Personally this 'friend' would be getting at the least a stern talking too and told if that is your plan either stay alone or go to him at least the rest of the ladies are not put in what could of been a very precarious and dangerous position.

josa · 19/09/2024 20:35

I go on ‘girls trips’ with a few different friendship groups. These are girls trips with lots of different types of women. It would mot be acceptable to bring a strange man back to our accommodation within any of those groups. I wouldn’t be happy. I wouldn’t go on another trip with her again.

Littlemisslaughalot · 19/09/2024 20:40

@Franksnbeans omg get over yourselves. Maybe you and husband could do with a bit more fun in your lives!
I can't decide if you sound bitter and jealous or boring and prudish!!
She had sex with a man, on holiday, two consenting adults in the privacy of her own bedroom. What on earth is there to question your friendship about?
She was flirting with your husband, and? Obviously not so bad that it's never come up or you've ever noticed.
Her relationship and her choices are her business. You can imagine all of the unlikely things you think he might have done with 12 women but nothing happend, you survived and literally no harm has been done.
If you would let this affect your friendship I'd say she isn't losing a friend.
You're entitled to feel how you feel but just because you think it's wrong doesn't mean it is.

Candystore22 · 19/09/2024 20:54

I get you, OP.
It doesn’t matter if she’s single, married, open relationship, whatever…. It is weird that she would sneak someone into the house when you were all on a trip together. I would have wanted to make sure my bedroom was locked and all my belongings were in my room, but she didn’t give you a chance. I don’t know what you’re like, but if I was away with friends or family I could very well leave my phone or wallet or car keys or bag lying around in the living room or kitchen… I would trust my friends not to steal them… but that’s on the basis that they wouldn’t be sneaking strangers into the house!
I would tell her it made you really uncomfortable that she snuck someone in as you presumed it would only be the 12 of you in the house. I would tell her I don’t want to be put in that situation again, so next time you either stay in hotel rooms or you want a promise that she won’t bring other people back if you’re staying in a house. It’s no judgement of her relationship, it’s just protecting your safety.