For not saying good night?

[safeatd]

My boyfriend lives with a female room mate. Shes alright, we’re not friends though but will chat if we’re in the same room.

Tonight me and my boyfriend have been out, I’ve come in tired, gone straight to the bedroom and in to bed. He has gone in the living room to say hi to her and her friend.

Thye live in an apartment, the bathroom and his bedroom are the first rooms so I’ve not walked by or through a room and ignored them. But apparently my boyfriend is annoyed because I look rude and she’s also commented that I’m rude.

I

I think this is ok as long as you don't do it all the time

The girlfriend who spends several nights a week in her boyfriend’s flatshare and makes no effort to be minimally civil to the other people who live there is pretty much a staple ingredient in ‘top reasons for troubles in flatsharing’.

You are a guest in her home.
Not even her guest!
I think it's very rude.

Yes, that's rude.

Do you contribute to the expenses if the sppsrtment.

I don’t spend several nights a week there. Why have you made that assumption? That’s a really odd thing to do.

I spend 2-3 and he is equally at mine. She also has a boyfriend that probably stays over most nights.

I also am civil with her, if we’re in communal spaces and hanging out then I’ll make conversation etc. No idea why when I just want to get into bed do I need to come in and say good night to her and her friend.

Maybe if you were intoxicated or ill and dashed straight off fair enough. Id still appologise in the am for not saying Hi as it is rude. Im a bit confused why you wouldn't just say Hi though, unless you were physically incapable or just being a bitch. Sorry that just my initial thought. Being polite is so easy esp as its not your house.

Why would I contribute to expenses?

Is this a thing? When you date someone and spend 2/3 nights a week there you’re suppose to contribute to their living expenses?

He stays at mine equal amounts and I wouldn’t be asking him to pay me.

I literally once dated a man that lived with 4 maybe 5 other people. The odd night I stayed at his should I have knocked on each of their doors and wished them a goodnight?

Of course not but wasnt the house mate still up in the lounge? You seem quite hostile why not just be friendly if it makes your BFs life easier?

I’m still baffled as why.

My room mate has a boyfriend, there’s no expectation from me for him to come and wish me a goodnight.

If we’d spent the evening together as a group in the living room then yeah a passing “I’m off to bed night” but if they’d been out the two of them I wouldn’t get mad at him for not coming to me to give me a personal goodnight.

I don't think you were rude at all.

If when you are there you are normally civil with her then that's good.

I don't see why , if you are very tired, you should have to go out of your way to go to speak to her. After all it's your bf you are there to see, not her.

I would be very put out that your bf is taking her side in this when you haven't done anything wrong.

Well why’s that of course not? I’m a guest in their house so it’s rude apparently to not seek out everyone who is awake to go and wish them a good night.

I really don’t think you can jump from just wanting to get into bed and you’re a hostile bitch for not saying good night.

So you got home around 11/11.30pm on a Sunday and were expected to make conversation with someone you don't know super well ? I couldn't be arsed with that. If I was needing to be polite etc I would be wanting to get home a bit earlier. It would give me social anxiety to have to go and make polite chit chat at 11pm on a Sunday. Zero social battery left.

Thank you. And yeah that’s unfortunately a red flag about him not taking my side.

For me your dismissal of the HM to warrant a hello or good night, which lets face it, is a nice thing to do if you know her and if BF going in too.

While I understand your point and I wasnt there, being polite wont cost you Anything.

it was rude.. it comes down to manners. would it have hurt to have simply stuck your head round the door and said 'oh hi, sorry i'm shattered, i'm off to bed!'

Yeah it’s been a busy weekend of socialising and not much sleep and I just wanted to lay in bed and just scroll on my phone.

I’m more than happy to talk and be nice when we’re in the same room. But I do think it’s unfair that I’m in somehow indebted to her that it’s expected I come in and say goodnight to her.

I’m good friends with my room mate so I’d expect her to just pop her head round the door and say she’s home, off to bed. But I wouldn’t then tell her how rude her boyfriend was for not coming to see me.

Why do I have to? I don’t need to bow down to her and do everything she expects:

If we’ve cooked I tidy up straight away and wash up everything that’s there including her stuff, if she’s in the room I’ll make conversation, I would never stay over 3 days a week, if I’m making a tea I’ll offer her one efc.

I don’t need to do anymore. .

well ok then.. your question was am i being unreasonable not saying goodnight to BF's flatmate. the answer is yes! and with every snappy response you give its an even bigger yes!

you clearly have an issue with BF and his flatmates relationship

YANBU

I'd have done the same as you. Flatmate & BF are being precious.

How odd. So he's expecting you to walk into the lounge instead of hallway to bedroom so that you can say hi I'm here tonight, goodnight? I don't see why this is necessary and wouldn't expect it of you personally. All this people pleasing.

Well I'm quite baffled by the pp who seem to think OP should be bending over backwards and putting herself out over this woman her bf flat shares with.

When I was younger I lived in various flat shares and generally if we bumped into the visitors/ friends/ bf / gf of the people we shared with we would be civil. But nobody would expect any one to go out of their way to socialise with them. That would actually have come over as being really intrusive into the private lives of the people we flat shared with.

YABU - in your situation I always popped my head in communal spaces and said hi.

But you seem to be arguing with people who say YABU so not sure why you even did a post to be honest

I think you were extremely rude not to just go into the living room of the flatmate was still up, say hello, and that you were really tired and were going to bed. It is the flatmate's home, not yours, but you seem to be treating it as your own. No-one is suggesting that you need to go to speak to everyone who was still up, but I think that it's just the most basic of manners to at least greet someone when you are staying in their home.

You were very snappy in telling another poster that you don't stay at your boyfriend's flat several times a week, and then said that you DO stay for two or three nights - is that not several?

I can see why your boyfriend did not stick up for you - he was probably quite embarrassed by your rudeness, which is also coming across in many of your responses.

i suspect the poster has now left...