Fiancé has agreed to be a Guarantor - I’m not happy

[workworkbloodywork]

Not sure if I’m being highly unreasonable or fully entitled to be majorly fucked off with him.

His sister has asked him to be a guarantor on a rental that they want to upsize to as the partner has recently gone self employed.

he initially asked if I would be too but I was overseas at the time as I asked for us to discuss it when I was home.

he then said that we weren’t needed as they found someone. That then fell through and so they asked if just DF would do it. Again said let’s discuss when I’m home.

ive found out today that they have a moving date and have been packing. Turns out DF has agreed to do it without any communication to me.

so YABU - it’s family, you should think twice and just sign to dotted line asap

or YANBU - as an engaged couple, decisions that affect your family unit should be discussed at length before concluding on a decision together.

Huge red flags for him as a potential husband.
He puts his family before you,
He lies by omission to you
He does not involve you in financial decisions ie does not see you as his equal partner.

Don’t marry him at the moment and tell him why. He would have to work hard to undo these.

This is the sort of example I use too

But it can be worse, each guarantor, if the house is rented via joint tenancy, is liable for the rent of the house, any one of those girls could also default and each guarantor needs to pay up, it doesnt matter if it wasnt your daughter, she is a joint tenant and therefore jointly liable for the rent, if the other 3 girls cant cover it, or theres a gap getting someone new in, guess who pays up

Awful awful situation and parents need to be saying no.

I would say someone that is newly self employed is probably the highest risk there is of defaulting. Most new businesses don't make it past the first year and the ones that do probably don't break even until year 2 at least.

Moving out makes no difference. You (or your guarantor) are on the hook for the rent for the entirety of the tenancy agreement unless your LL agrees to terminate your tenancy early.

And end up not being able to get the amount they need for the mortgage as it is only on 1 income rather than joint?

true,

So, who would pay the rent then if your circumstances change and you can't?

The estate agent was talking nonsense - of course you can have a fixed-term tenancy agreement beyond 12 months if that's what you and the tenant want (a quick look at the NRLA website would have told you this). I would have challenged the EA and asked them what they meant by a longer AST not being "legally enforceable".

Can't be binding then because all I did was pop her name down and nothing was ever signed - it was a formality

We don't have set terms - I now realise guarantors must have a different role than they do here

"you sound very controlling OP,"

It's not controlling to expect major financial decisions to be agreed. Not when a couple are supposed to be getting married and therefore what one person does, affects the other.

OP I would be rethinking the engagement - it's not a good sign at all that he's done this without your consent. And his sister and bil sound dumb AF, going self employed and getting a bigger house. If they need a guarantor then they can't afford this new place - many landlords would waive the guarantor requires if paid 6 months rent up front. If his sister can't afford that, she's no business upscaling!

I was guarantor once for DS at uni - never again. I was stressed until that lease ended and it was only one year. Letting agents roll lie through their teeth trying to make out it's no big deal but it is a huge fucking deal.

Your fiancé is either stupid or blasé and neither bodes well.

Really? You don't see the difference between an informal "I'll help you out where I can" and a legally-binding guarantor agreement that has you on the hook for the entire rent payments every single month for the remainder of the tenancy agreement if your brother can't pay? Let's say your brother's rent is £1k pm and he loses his job in the second month of a 12-month AST with no break clause and he can't find another job. Do you have £10k surplus to pay his rent? And if not, do you understand the LL will take court action against you and anything you own is at risk? Now, do you really think that acting as a guarantor is the same as "just helping him"?

OP does he have any legal claim on your house - is he on the deeds?

This was my first thought

Its very unsual for someone to be on the deeds but not on the mortgage. Mortgage companies dont like it

Absolutely THIS all day long!
(And frankly, he had a ruddy cheek asking you to be his guarantor before asking his own mother!)

You don't have to be a homeowner to be a guarantor, although some LL/Letting Agents will insist on this.

Fair point, but I'd like to think the OP would have mentioned if the property only she has a mortgage on was in joint names (and if so, if it's owned as joint tenants or tenants-in-common, because if it's the latter, her half of the value wouldn't be at risk).

And do you know what I find most disgusting about your experience? THEY knew they hadn't paid for three months, but they didn't even have the decency to tell you, much less offer you an apology and an explanation.

TIL. I wonder how that works - being a guarantor if you have no assets to seize. Puzzling.

I would argue that making major financial decisions which could directly impact the OP and the future they should be building, just so he can portray himself as generous to his family, is not an attractive trait. As his DF she should be his first priority. I would be really put off by this and think the OP is right to be angry.

I have got through my adult life, including times of real hardship, without ever expecting let alone asking family members to bail me out; nor have they ever expected this from me. I think that generally, adults are responsible for managing their own financial affairs and not expect to be supported by others (with the possible exception of unforeseen calamities - which this isn't).

So I don't think that it is actually difficult.

A home isn't the only asset and most people own some things of value e.g. a car, jewellery, electronic goods, etc. Anything that can be sold at auction to recoup some money for the LL can be listed on a controlled goods order by the enforcement agent to persuade the guarantor to enter into a payment agreement.

In terms of parent guarantors for students - I agree with you. The terms are outrageous.

This

If your brother in law has just gone self employed, then unless he's been cultivating clients before that move, money is going to be very erratic

I would seriously question the commitment and priorities of a man who has just shown you that he will put the desires of his family to "upsize" before you, your desires, and your future financial security. This is an ENORMOUS red flag.

He has also done a supremely stupid thing. If his sister and partner could afford the rent, they wouldn't need a guarantor. IOW, they want to live in a place they can't really afford and your fiance has put himself on the hook to pay the entire length of the lease if they can't. If he doesn't pay the landlord can sue him and he would have no defense. Landlord could also attach property to pay off the lease, including property jointly owned by the two of you once you're married. If dsis and co. pay late the landlord can ruin df's credit. He also becomes liable for any late charges, penalties etc. allowed by the contract.

NEVER become a guarantor unless you have lots and lots of money to throw around, because odds are you will need it. I have only been a guarantor for each of my children's first apartment lease, and only because I have plenty of money and could pay the leases off immediately if there were a problem.

This fiasco would be an absolute deal breaker for me. For one, I would not marry a financial fool, which he is, and second, I wouldn't marry a man who would disregard my feelings so flagrantly. He's not a keeper, OP.