Page 7 | Fiancé has agreed to be a Guarantor - I’m not happy

workworkbloodywork · 2024-09-15T18:02:49+00:00

Not sure if I’m being highly unreasonable or fully entitled to be majorly fucked off with him. His sister has asked him to be a guarantor on a rental that they want to upsize to as the partner has recently gone self employed. he initially asked if I would be too but I was overseas at the time as I asked for us to discuss it when I was home. he then said that we weren’t needed as they found someone. That then fell through and so they asked if just DF would do it. Again said let’s discuss when I’m home. ive found out today that they have a moving date and have been packing. Turns out DF has agreed to do it without any communication to me. so YABU - it’s family, you should think twice and just sign to dotted line asap or YANBU - as an engaged couple, decisions that affect your family unit should be discussed at length before concluding on a decision together.

Saracen · 15/09/2024 22:13

the fact he has supported family members financially frequently in the past both equally made me adore how supportive he is of those around him but also concerned for our financial security in the future

That's the crux of it, isn't it? His generosity and loyalty are very attractive traits. At the same time, if he is too generous then your future could be jeopardised.

It's a difficult one.

whynotwhatknot · 15/09/2024 22:15

SpanielPaws · 15/09/2024 22:08

OP have you checked that he hasn't actually used you as well? I would want to see a copy of whatever he has signed. Why did they need 2 guarantors initially but then only 1 was able to. Don't trust blindly.

i agree and he doesnt even own the house

whynotwhatknot · 15/09/2024 22:15

SpanielPaws · 15/09/2024 22:08

OP have you checked that he hasn't actually used you as well? I would want to see a copy of whatever he has signed. Why did they need 2 guarantors initially but then only 1 was able to. Don't trust blindly.

i agree and he doesnt even own the house

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 15/09/2024 22:17

ReadingSoManyThreads · 15/09/2024 21:37

What a respectful child 🙄

YOU may not expect her to pay a penny, but the Landlord WOULD, should you fall on hard times and accrue rent arrears!

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Well this is it you see. Annoyingly, many parents of University students get asked to be guarantor for their (young adult) children, by the letting agents (that their children are getting their house from, for years 2 and 3 of university.

The parents are often jointly and severally liable for any rent their DC doesn't pay/can't pay, and can be expected to pay rent for any of the other 3 or 4 students too - if they don't pay! And also, any expenses for damage to the property.

It is grossly unfair and wrong to expect parents of University students to sign to be a guarantor, as so many things can go wrong, and they can end up being chased for 1000s and 1000s of pounds.

KievLoverTwo · 15/09/2024 22:17

>We do live together in a property that I have a mortgage on.

So how has he done this? As far as I am aware, you have to be a home owner to be a guarantor and they take it very seriously. They even asked for my sister’s car reg when she did it for me some 20 odd years ago.

If he has signed the papers saying he owns the house with you, he is committing fraud, surely?

I am sorry, but there is no way I would take a risk for someone else’s sister. You are the one taking the risk of losing your home.

Professional guarantor services are available. Tell him to retract it and suggest she uses one of those.

soupfiend · 15/09/2024 22:19

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 15/09/2024 22:17

Well this is it you see. Annoyingly, many parents of University students get asked to be guarantor for their (young adult) children, by the letting agents (that their children are getting their house from, for years 2 and 3 of university.

The parents are often jointly and severally liable for any rent their DC doesn't pay/can't pay, and can be expected to pay rent for any of the other 3 or 4 students too - if they don't pay! And also, any expenses for damage to the property.

It is grossly unfair and wrong to expect parents of University students to sign to be a guarantor, as so many things can go wrong, and they can end up being chased for 1000s and 1000s of pounds.

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People should just say no. Ive said this on student/uni threads before and its like Im suggesting people should cut their kids arms off or something

Say no, young ADULT rents a bedsit or room share or equivalent that doesnt need a guarantor. End of story

Saracen · 15/09/2024 22:23

If you stay with him, it would be wise to ensure you aren't financially linked to him. That way, if he does take a hit due to guaranteeing rent for someone who doesn't pay, at least your own credit won't be directly impacted.

Martin Lewis explains how to do that here (see items 7 and 8): https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/credit-rating-credit-score/#needtoknow2

Of course, if you're with someone who ends up lumbered with a big debt, you'll still be affected indirectly.

AngelicKaty · 15/09/2024 22:23

workworkbloodywork · Today 20:54

"We do live together in a property that I have a mortgage on."

Good news, so YOUR home isn't at risk then. 😊

Rosscameasdoody · 15/09/2024 22:23

harriethoyle · 15/09/2024 21:58

@workworkbloodywork has DF said you’ll both be guarantors or has he just said he will be? They’re very different scenarios.

If he’s volunteered you that’s massively out of order. But if he’s made that decision on his own part for his sibling you’re being very controlling to suggest you need to approve it. I wouldn’t even ask my DH if my sibling needed this let alone expect to need his permission.

Wow. You very clearly don’t understand the financial implications of acting as a guarantor. He can’t ‘volunteer’ OP - she would have to sign an agreement. And if l were your DH l would be concerned that you would consider acting as a guarantor without his agreement or even knowledge, given that it could substantially affect any joint finances/property and potentially impact any mortgage/remortgage decision.

redtrain123 · 15/09/2024 22:24

Had he not be living with you, then I’d be cross, but I would consider it his money and his risk (and perhaps question my financial future with him, but at least you weren’t tied to him financially).

However, he lives with you so this should be a joint decision, especially as he doesn’t have savings, and the do has just gone self employed. You don’t upsize them, but when you are established! It things go tits up, and dp ends up paying, then this indirectly affect you, as you’ll be paying all the bills etc. iDon’t know how old you are, but this could hinder any plans fir children, holidays, new cars etc.

Codlingmoths · 15/09/2024 22:25

I wouldn’t marry him while he is a guarantor. He is putting your house at risk.

Codlingmoths · 15/09/2024 22:26

Does he pay his way in your house? Or is he effectively being subsidised by you to support his family? I don’t mind generous but I am totally opposed to mooching off you so he can be generous with other people.

Rosscameasdoody · 15/09/2024 22:26

AngelicKaty · 15/09/2024 22:23

workworkbloodywork · Today 20:54

"We do live together in a property that I have a mortgage on."

Good news, so YOUR home isn't at risk then. 😊

Depends on whether he has an interest in the property. He may not be paying the mortgage but could be on the deeds.

PER100 · 15/09/2024 22:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

AngelicKaty · 15/09/2024 22:31

ChampagneLassie · Today 20:55

"For me this is what family is about .....". So if you were called upon to pay a family member's rent to the tune of £1000's you'd just suck it up?
I've seen three families destroyed by this and it certainly is NOT "what family is about."

Rosscameasdoody · 15/09/2024 22:32

KievLoverTwo · 15/09/2024 22:17

>We do live together in a property that I have a mortgage on.

So how has he done this? As far as I am aware, you have to be a home owner to be a guarantor and they take it very seriously. They even asked for my sister’s car reg when she did it for me some 20 odd years ago.

If he has signed the papers saying he owns the house with you, he is committing fraud, surely?

I am sorry, but there is no way I would take a risk for someone else’s sister. You are the one taking the risk of losing your home.

Professional guarantor services are available. Tell him to retract it and suggest she uses one of those.

This is why l was wondering if he has a financial interest in the house. He doesn’t have to be on the mortgage if he’s named on the deeds.

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 15/09/2024 22:36

soupfiend · 15/09/2024 22:19

People should just say no. Ive said this on student/uni threads before and its like Im suggesting people should cut their kids arms off or something

Say no, young ADULT rents a bedsit or room share or equivalent that doesnt need a guarantor. End of story

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I agree. I think don't think many people realise they are allowed to say no though.

My friend was in a very tricky situation about 8 or 9 years ago, after her DH lost his well paid job 3-4 years before - and she was in ill health. Her daughter asked her to be a guarantor for a house that her and 3 other girls were moving into (when at Uni.) My friend said no. Basically because she couldn't. Her and her DH's finances were a bit shaky, they had debt that they were dealing with, and she and her DH had almost zero surplus income.

Her daughter begged her, and she said 'no, I can't ... I couldn't if I wanted to - me and your dad have no surplus income to pay if anything goes wrong. And we have nearly sorted our debt problem, and our credit rating is on the up, so we don't want to wreck it again.'

The landlady let her DD into the house with the other 3 with no guarantor amazingly. And then she went on to default on the rent, after spending all her money on parties and fancy clothes and tattoos, and ended up £1800 in debt within 3 months. She was in tears on the phone to my friend begging her to help with the rent.

But my friend had literally got like £25 spare at any one time in the bank. so she couldn't help. She says if she had gone on to be the guarantor she would have ended up with a demand to pay nearly £2000 - when she didn't even have £200 surplus income a year. As the months went on she could have ended up owing even more...

Big mistake to agree to be your DC's guarantor unless you really have got a lot of surplus income. I'm talking probably mid five figures per month to spare.

AngelicKaty · 15/09/2024 22:36

Namechangeforcheese · 15/09/2024 20:57

It depends so much. I'd. do this for my sister because she is hardworking , stubborn and reliable. There isn't a chance in hell I'd do it for my brother or DH's brother because they are both feckless chancers.

It isn't about the family member's reliability as a rent-paying tenant; it really isn't. None of us knows what the future holds and anything could happen - what if your sister had an accident and was physically unable to work? This is a serious legal undertaking and the only question you should be asking yourself is "If they can't pay their rent for the duration of the tenancy, can I afford to in addition to my own expenses?".

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/09/2024 22:36

Never guarantor unless you can afford to lose the money

Exactly this - and OP's said that not only does he not have the money but that he's likely to understand little of the risk he's exposing them both to if they married

Worse still he may well be relying on OP's own house to bankroll this generosity, which it appears he has a history of

Sorry OP but I'd be leaving him - not just due to the risk but because he's putting his own family's interests above yours

Edited to add that, if he thinks pulling out will damage his relationship with his family, try what would happen if they defaulted ...

LifeIsNeverKind · 15/09/2024 22:42

They might be solvent today, but tomorrow - who knows? Anything could happen: accident, illness, unemployment, whatever. I would be absolutely livid if my partner took on this level of risk without consulting me.

DreamTheMoors · 15/09/2024 22:44

I co-signed (same thing) for some friends for some new furniture once.
They had a brand new infant and nothing to sit on.
Everything was fine until I got a letter in the mail telling me that “you haven’t paid your monthly payment in three months…”
I called them and told them I was taking over the payments and coming to get the furniture.
I didn’t want the furniture, but no fucking way was I paying to furnish somebody else’s home.
Lesson learned.

Gremlins101 · 15/09/2024 22:45

The thing that would get me is why do they need to upsize at the same time as taking a risky career move??

Both myself and my husband would probably want to help our respective sisters in this situation, and the other would probably go along with it. I understand why you are hesitant though.

AngelicKaty · 15/09/2024 22:51

skyfalldown · 15/09/2024 21:35

I don't think I even asked when I put my mum down as a guarantor, it was just a box I needed to tick to ensure I could live somewhere in this market. I'd never expect her to pay a penny.

Your mum would not have been your guarantor unless she signed an agreement to be so. You cannot make someone your guarantor without their knowledge and agreement (unless you did so fraudulently and forged her signature on the guarantor agreement).

rainbowunicorn · 15/09/2024 22:51

PointsSouth · 15/09/2024 20:45

What???^^

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Maybe they couldn't afford to be guarantor. Unless you have the means to hand over several thousand pounds at short notice that you will never get back then nobody should be a guarantor for anyone. Being unable to pay if need be can completely ruin someone financially.
I was guarantor for my child through uni only because I had the equivalent of a years rent in an isa. I would not have done it if that money was not there. I just wouldn't have been able to afford ut had anything gone wrong

Cupooee · 15/09/2024 22:51

No doubt you being the financial parent in your relationship has given him the message that you will provide.

If that is a dynamic you want in marriage crack on.
It certainly wouldn't be my idea of marriage.
Unbalanced, unequal and and gives him the option to continue not to grow up.

No adult with an ounce of cop on signs up to guarantee the rent of anyone when they live with a home owner, and haven't a pot to piss in themselves.

A potentially feckless idiot does it.
No way would I marry someone like that.

I love and value myself too much to do something so foolish.

I also don't find financially feckless people the least bit attractive.

Being the only adult in a relationship gets old SO quickly I can tell you.

This is a really warning to you that you would be foolish to ignore.