Aibu to think some parents can't accept their child is a average?!

[Chasingshadowss]

Just from listening to some parents at the school gates & activities.. It seems certain parents can't accept their child is normal or average..
If they are not over achieving it's the schools fault, teachers fault, other parents faults, coaches fault.. It's draining.
Also some parents who might be very high achievers themselves just expect their child should be the same as them & point the finger if not..
What's wrong with average?

I just think it's ludicrous carry on.

I think no one thinks they are average OP. I think I’m average or below in most things now , despite being top set at school etc . I want my own children to be happy and have good self esteem . For me that is most important .

Yanbu. There's nothing wrong at all with being average, although I think most people excel at something.

@Flextime what I mean is parents giving out about teacher & school when their child doesn't get the marks they want it to get.
Badmouthing a coach as their average player wasn't picked for the first team..
An entitled attitude of "I went to Oxbrixge, Theodore is following in Mummy & Daddy's footsteps"...

Hi @Chasingshadowss
I agree . The entitlement of parents these days is incredible . It is quite frankly deluded and arrogant .

I had a primary school teach who made every child feel special for something . They might have been kind, creative, good at sharing, diligent or any number of other things. She made a point of observing and praising every child for something so that, even if they struggled in some aspects of school life, they felt valued. It taught me a lot. Average or not, every child has a characteristic worthy of praise and building them up does wonders for helping them achieve more generally. Try not to let these parents rile you.

Exactly @Flextime it hinders confidence to hear parents blaming schools, teachers.. even other children having the audacity to have tutors.
If parents accept the child they have they would be happy & confident regardless.. Not every child is going to be the next Einstein or Keely Hodgkinson & that's completely OK. What's not OK is blaming everyone surrounding the child for them not meeting the parents expectations

She sounds amazing & that is powerful that you still remember her traits.

We have some parents like this at school and I really feel sorry for their children because no matter what they do, it never impresses their parents because it’s always the least that they expect.

I think parents often do this to hide their own guilt, they perceive it is because they themselves don't do enough with their kids to push them but don't want to accept that. E.g. they don't listen to their child read for 5 mins a day and then don't want to accept responsibility, so hire a tutor and still don't listen to their child read every day.
It's also their own insecurities and competitiveness.
I think it's important to value all things children have to offer, but equally you do need to ensure your child tries their hardest. For me, if I know they have then the actual result is unimportant. In contrast, I'm wary of parents to aren't pushy at all e.g. "as long as they're happy" jn that new learning always feels hard and children need to build resilience, sometimes children of these parents give up straight away and miss out on the satisfaction of trying their hardest.
So, a bit of both from my standpoint.

I'd be more concerned that there are children who are not average, but are achieving at an average level and no one notices. Schools seem really content with average.

having had a bright child who was phenomenally let down by school in the last year of primary I would say it works both ways.

With the right support, their children could be successful. But we do with what we have, and average is better than no education and growing up with mental health issues and a life on benefits. Don’t bash the average

I agree with you. There is nothing stopping these parents from working with their child at home, doing some extra work beyond the curriculum but it's easier to blame the school & teacher..

Literally never heard a parent express this view at either school gate or any of numerous activities my children participate in. Nor do I know a single family, out of dozens and dozens, whose child has a tutor.

Maybe you should hang out with a different crowd or try some less competitive sports?

I think also that to reach expected levels in primary schools now is actually very difficult. You have to be pretty bright to reach those levels, yet I don't think people always understand that. As a result, it may seem that a child is underachieving even if they are doing very well. The expectations on young children nowadays are phenomenal.

@Leafcutterantsarecool really?! So many children have tutors in our area.

I think it goes both ways. I'm totally average in all areas, always have been. I have a good job and strong work ethic but I've never had the drive or ambition to go above and beyond.

DD is a total allrounder, exceptionally bright, amazing at sports and music, really creative and I don't really know how to handle it. Teachers always praise her, she's always getting awards and tbh although I'm incredibly proud of her, I find it all
a bit cringe and like other parents must resent it.

Average is, by definition, the statistical reality for most people (kids included… even little Tarquin)

I disagree. Mainly because its certainly possible lots of peoples kids are not reaching potential at uk state schools.
Somewhat the percentiles say 20-80 are quite fluid and parental input, teacher effort etc can make the difference.

I would say dd1 (12) is capable of say top 5%. She came 9th percentile maths in sats and only about 25th percentile for reading. But she could do all the maths just cant stop making silly mistakes.
At secondary after y7 she is coming out only about top third of the year group. So thats not great. Its partly her (sen) and not working fast enough so not finishing tests.

As a parent its hard to see schools not put the effort to move kids from meeting expectations to exceeding. In primary no effort was made till sats.
But last week y8 dc got 37/60 on a maths test. So its hard to look at the paper and see she could easily have got 57/60. But 6w of no school straight into a test with no revision. So even for 1 dc the gap between achieved and potential was 33% of the marks. And that result would i expect have put her in the top 10% of the year.

My other dc also hasnt been stretched at primary (she can do work 2years ahead in maths). Got 111 on ks1 sats but again no extension of homework etc.

Average in itself is a wide range. Do you mean met expectations?

As also in y5 and y6 teachers wouldnt accept dc could get exceeding maths bht she did at the end of y6.
A lot of exceeding kids do extra at home so may not naturally be brighter.

If you mean at gcse i guess yes most parents want their kids to be getting 6+ whereas average would be perhaps a 4/5.

It doesnt help that noone talks about dc abilities or achievements so you actually dont know how your kid did relative on SATs or other tests.

Some kids really got helped by primary to get high sats maths etc (reaching full potential) but 2 of these i know then have struggled in higher maths sets.

My sister was really clever so my 10 gcses (2A/7B/1C) dixnt look good at all.

Some kids slow to learn to read exceeded in all SATs (marathon vs sprint)

I really love this. What a wonderful woman.

@TellerTuesday your daughter sounds delightful! If your daughter was in my dc's school she would be another one to blame for other children's "normalness"!

Whatever trait you measure, about 80% of people consistently rate themselves as above average.

I personally found great relief in accepting myself as an average human being.

I think when children are four or five they all learn so much so fast that everyone thinks gosh, my DC seems so bright. You don't really have a reference for what "average" or normal is. Once you've developed that perception its hard to give it up. So by the time kids hit y3 or so, and its starting to become apparent that 2 or 3 kids in the class are just insanely quick at maths, or that quiet kid draws great pictures, that girl sings like an angel, you start to understand where your kid lies relative to that. For a lot of people that is a disappointment and they quickly wonder if a child has had more of the teachers effort to get like that. But actually often, no.

I've never heard anything like this at all from the school gates etc

I don't think YABU though if it's the case with you.