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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to think some parents can't accept their child is a average?!

162 replies

Chasingshadowss · 15/09/2024 19:01

Just from listening to some parents at the school gates & activities.. It seems certain parents can't accept their child is normal or average..
If they are not over achieving it's the schools fault, teachers fault, other parents faults, coaches fault.. It's draining.
Also some parents who might be very high achievers themselves just expect their child should be the same as them & point the finger if not..
What's wrong with average?

OP posts:
SmileyHappyPeopleInTheSun · 17/09/2024 11:34

When I was teaching I hated it when parents couldn't accept that their child wasn't in the top group for everything. It was always the teacher's fault. "What are you going to do to make sure he's i the top group" etc etc.

Only time I ever questioned a set was because DD1 asked me to - she was in a very low maths set and had had by then two years of support at home - mostly on-line program - and was at home doing what top set was doing in class - while at school she was stuck on much more basic stuff. The sets had been static for entre previous year at this point.

Teacher said oh she need to have instant recall for time table and threw time tables at DD1 who had instant recall - she started going up and up got to 12 times table well outside original state need and DD1 was still giving instant answers. Teacher shrugged said that's not been ticked off in school and sets are staying the same.

We told DD1 going over basics wouldn't hurt her at school and continued with home program. Next year she got a new to school teacher - who tested them all before doing sets - entire top set ended up being girls who like DD1 had had someone outside school work with them. Next year we moved and she was put in an advanced maths group at new school they held as had a floating teacher then and we were told they were delighted as she motivated some of the other good maths student they had to do better.

I had many frustrating talks with their teachers over the years when I was told one of the kids was struggling with something and we'd ask what can we do at home to help them and get a shrug or I'll get back to you and radio silence. Or worst still a no it's fine and then later this is dire it's a real problem holding them back - okay how do we help them at home - radio silence.

I owe a lot to teachers on primary board here and few other parents in same boat - who did point us in right direction of good home support.

Leah5678 · 17/09/2024 12:36

I've never heard any of the parents I talk to speak like this. Stop hanging out with the arrogant deluded shit heads

RaraRachael · 17/09/2024 13:25

Leah5678 · 17/09/2024 12:36

I've never heard any of the parents I talk to speak like this. Stop hanging out with the arrogant deluded shit heads

It's pretty normal. When I used to sit watching my children's swimming lessons, all that was spoken about by the other parents was school - criticising teachers, comparing which groups their children were in etc etc

Leah5678 · 17/09/2024 13:48

RaraRachael · 17/09/2024 13:25

It's pretty normal. When I used to sit watching my children's swimming lessons, all that was spoken about by the other parents was school - criticising teachers, comparing which groups their children were in etc etc

I must of gotten lucky then I've genuinely never came across a school parent like the ones described here.
If anything it's ME who probably brags about my DC too much 🤣
My children do swimming lessons too and I've never heard the other parents of kids in their swim classes even speak they're too busy looking at their phones

EmmaGrundyForPM · 17/09/2024 13:50

Surely you know that on MN every child is either bright/super bright or has SEN.

SausageinaBun · 17/09/2024 13:52

EmmaGrundyForPM · 17/09/2024 13:50

Surely you know that on MN every child is either bright/super bright or has SEN.

They're not mutually exclusive. Even on MN.

ObelixtheGaul · 17/09/2024 15:39

I was an 'average' child, very much so, but I was an average child in the70s/ 80s, when I would say it genuinely didn't matter as much. We average masses were 'factory fodder'. We could still expect to get a job that paid enough to pay the rent/get a mortgage. I have spent my life doing average/low paid jobs, but was able to get a mortgage with my DH at a young age and do fine by putting the hours in.

That just isn't an option now. Whilst every child might have a talent, though it's lovely if it's being 'kind and caring', kind and caring won't get you a job that pays the bills these days. I hate that that is true, but it is.

It matters now more than ever. With more and more jobs being automated, AI on the rise, kids today face an uncertain future. There's no reasonable adjustment for just not being very good at stuff. And the work so many of us 'not very good at stuff' kids used to end up doing is either disappearing or just doesn't pay enough to live on.

It's all very well people talking about 'trades', but trades that pay aren't unskilled. Not every average academic child is going to be God's gift to plumbing. Lord knows I had zero practical ability.

If your child is, like me, genuinely just average to below average at anything that has a remote chance of earning them a wage, unless UBI comes in they'll be working ridiculous hours trying to scrape by. So, I kind of don't blame parents for wanting to believe that isn't their child. It's awful to want so much from a child as early as Primary school, but I think many parents realise just how tough it really is going to be for 'average' children. People want it to be the case that a metaphorical kick up the backside/tutoring/pushing the school to recognise their child's 'potential' will solve the problem, will reveal the talent that will save their child from a tough existence on the bottom of the pile, fighting for what's left of the unskilled jobs.

Chasingshadowss · 17/09/2024 16:06

ObelixtheGaul · 17/09/2024 15:39

I was an 'average' child, very much so, but I was an average child in the70s/ 80s, when I would say it genuinely didn't matter as much. We average masses were 'factory fodder'. We could still expect to get a job that paid enough to pay the rent/get a mortgage. I have spent my life doing average/low paid jobs, but was able to get a mortgage with my DH at a young age and do fine by putting the hours in.

That just isn't an option now. Whilst every child might have a talent, though it's lovely if it's being 'kind and caring', kind and caring won't get you a job that pays the bills these days. I hate that that is true, but it is.

It matters now more than ever. With more and more jobs being automated, AI on the rise, kids today face an uncertain future. There's no reasonable adjustment for just not being very good at stuff. And the work so many of us 'not very good at stuff' kids used to end up doing is either disappearing or just doesn't pay enough to live on.

It's all very well people talking about 'trades', but trades that pay aren't unskilled. Not every average academic child is going to be God's gift to plumbing. Lord knows I had zero practical ability.

If your child is, like me, genuinely just average to below average at anything that has a remote chance of earning them a wage, unless UBI comes in they'll be working ridiculous hours trying to scrape by. So, I kind of don't blame parents for wanting to believe that isn't their child. It's awful to want so much from a child as early as Primary school, but I think many parents realise just how tough it really is going to be for 'average' children. People want it to be the case that a metaphorical kick up the backside/tutoring/pushing the school to recognise their child's 'potential' will solve the problem, will reveal the talent that will save their child from a tough existence on the bottom of the pile, fighting for what's left of the unskilled jobs.

My point is that parents blame the school/teachers or coaches but wouldn't dream of trying to help their child themselves..
A dad complaining their child isn't picked for the team but that same dad never brings his child to the park for a kick around or encourages him to play outside of training hours, of course he's going to fall behind the kids who have a kickabout every day... It's just the easy cop out to blame the coach...

OP posts:
juliaxxl80 · 17/09/2024 16:13

ObelixtheGaul · 17/09/2024 15:39

I was an 'average' child, very much so, but I was an average child in the70s/ 80s, when I would say it genuinely didn't matter as much. We average masses were 'factory fodder'. We could still expect to get a job that paid enough to pay the rent/get a mortgage. I have spent my life doing average/low paid jobs, but was able to get a mortgage with my DH at a young age and do fine by putting the hours in.

That just isn't an option now. Whilst every child might have a talent, though it's lovely if it's being 'kind and caring', kind and caring won't get you a job that pays the bills these days. I hate that that is true, but it is.

It matters now more than ever. With more and more jobs being automated, AI on the rise, kids today face an uncertain future. There's no reasonable adjustment for just not being very good at stuff. And the work so many of us 'not very good at stuff' kids used to end up doing is either disappearing or just doesn't pay enough to live on.

It's all very well people talking about 'trades', but trades that pay aren't unskilled. Not every average academic child is going to be God's gift to plumbing. Lord knows I had zero practical ability.

If your child is, like me, genuinely just average to below average at anything that has a remote chance of earning them a wage, unless UBI comes in they'll be working ridiculous hours trying to scrape by. So, I kind of don't blame parents for wanting to believe that isn't their child. It's awful to want so much from a child as early as Primary school, but I think many parents realise just how tough it really is going to be for 'average' children. People want it to be the case that a metaphorical kick up the backside/tutoring/pushing the school to recognise their child's 'potential' will solve the problem, will reveal the talent that will save their child from a tough existence on the bottom of the pile, fighting for what's left of the unskilled jobs.

Unfortunately, very true

ObelixtheGaul · 17/09/2024 16:59

Chasingshadowss · 17/09/2024 16:06

My point is that parents blame the school/teachers or coaches but wouldn't dream of trying to help their child themselves..
A dad complaining their child isn't picked for the team but that same dad never brings his child to the park for a kick around or encourages him to play outside of training hours, of course he's going to fall behind the kids who have a kickabout every day... It's just the easy cop out to blame the coach...

I do see that point, but I was rather responding to the, 'What's wrong with being average?' aspect of your post.

Missamyp · 17/09/2024 17:16

Chasingshadowss · 17/09/2024 16:06

My point is that parents blame the school/teachers or coaches but wouldn't dream of trying to help their child themselves..
A dad complaining their child isn't picked for the team but that same dad never brings his child to the park for a kick around or encourages him to play outside of training hours, of course he's going to fall behind the kids who have a kickabout every day... It's just the easy cop out to blame the coach...

Less than 99.99999999999% of participants in sports such as football will ever reach the professional level. The majority won't even become decent amateurs or athletes. The truth is, most of us are average, with only a few experiencing a period of excelling before it's all over.

Chasingshadowss · 17/09/2024 17:44

Missamyp · 17/09/2024 17:16

Less than 99.99999999999% of participants in sports such as football will ever reach the professional level. The majority won't even become decent amateurs or athletes. The truth is, most of us are average, with only a few experiencing a period of excelling before it's all over.

Exactly but the coaches bear the brunt of many parents who this their child is the best Beckham. The vast majority of coaches are volunteers they don't deserve the spiteful chit chat at the sidelines...

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