Aibu to think some parents can't accept their child is a average?!

[Chasingshadowss]

Just from listening to some parents at the school gates & activities.. It seems certain parents can't accept their child is normal or average..
If they are not over achieving it's the schools fault, teachers fault, other parents faults, coaches fault.. It's draining.
Also some parents who might be very high achievers themselves just expect their child should be the same as them & point the finger if not..
What's wrong with average?

I think average is sometimes a mentality that's used to stifle potential. Every child is exceptional in their own way and if someone can identify and nurture that thing, that child will shine.

I think the delusion comes in when everyone is pushing their children in the same direction, down a path that's not for them.

I personally have no problem with giving children all the resources you can to help them excel, as most children would just coast otherwise. So many of us would be more than average if someone believed in and encouraged us to 'maximise' our potential.

There aren't enough opportunities to go round to fully accommodate the exceptional, let alone the average, now.

Also its easy to see via sport etc thar the kids standing out are not getting that ability at all from pe at state school. Basically
The swimmers swim weekly at lessons
The kids playing football or netball are at external clubs

The fastest boy on sports day had
Older brothers
Football club (s)
Swimming club
Etc

The fastest girls
Do netball

Whereas y4 and youngest hasnt had 1 school swimming lesson.

By definition half the population are actually BELOW average. The purpose of private schools is to ensure the top jobs stay in the hands of the rich - regardless of talent (or lack of).

The only children I know who have anything like that are a couple who do Saturday school in their parent’s first language so they can speak to their Grandparents when they return to the countries their extended families live in.

You’re describing a fairly privileged situation of having had an excellent Oxbridge education, being able to afford tutors and having the time and means to enroll kids in lots of activities and teams. Relatively few parents at my children’s school are in that position.

People don’t say anything like this at our school gate. They are usually quite self deprecating about their kids (with the exception of one parent, actually, but I started avoiding her).

This is so true and I agree.

What does "average" mean? Not academic?

I have a friend who is the opposite of what you describe but also the same. I've known her my whole life. She left school at 16, got married early, and hasn't worked since the first child arrived. She has 3 children now and since before they even started school she said they take after her and aren't academic. She never pushed them. She picked their primary schools based on convenience because there was "no point sending them to a good school". The school had to push and push her into letting them take the 11+. They got into grammar school easily and are doing fantastic. But my friend still won't accept that her children are bright. I don't know if it's shame or something. Maybe a fear of people seeing she has smart children and thinking it is her own fault that she underachieved academically. It's strange.

You have hit the nail on the head here. Then one or two might be all rounders who excel at everything & parents pit their child against that child..

I described a hypothetical situation which I have come accross of parents who fully expect their son to go to Oxbrixge just because they did..
Tutors are also very common for children with special educational needs & well as grammar school prep. I'm really surprised you havn't come accross families who use tutors.. Mind you some families prefer not to let people know they use them which is their perogative of course.

I’ve never heard anyone like this at the school gate, most play down their kids achievements to be honest and we all have a collective moan about how they won’t do their reading, won’t do spellings etc. also agree with PP who say it works both ways. My DC got full marks in phonics screen and excellent effort. They only got achieving standards and when questioned the teacher said no-one got exceeding standards as it means that in the next class they would have to keep to that standard otherwise the school gets marked down…so the school like to keep everyone average as it’s clearly easier for them 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

What’s your child like OP? Do they get into the first sports team, how about how they do on tests? I only ever hear this complaint from parents who have children that are high achievers or sporty or popular.
Things can change in a heartbeat; some of these ‘complaining’ parents might be pushing for their child to be noticed or included and it might be you one day.

@russellhobbsknobs my children are happily average, meeting expectations, are very happy & sociable. Some seasons dc1 may make the A team, other seasons not if others return from injury or if others improve but the important thing is he's resilient, loves his sport & turns up to every training with a smile on his face. It's enough for me (& him).

This, also deciding a child's abilities based on parents 'social' status/earning/ educational level.
eg. child of consultant surgeon V child of warehouse worker.

I don’t think anyone is average - everyone is good at something, or has the potential to be, if they have the right opportunities, and are given a good start and good values in life.

True, some people are average at reading and writing and the things that are quite central at primary school. But they might have the potential to be really good at swimming, art, music, making people laugh, carpentry, encouraging others to learn or climbing mountains. Parents and teachers are all part of giving kids the chance to explore the things they are better than average at.

@Chasingshadowss Well that’s wonderful. No issues and above ‘average’ if sometimes in the A team, happy smiling child. Seriously, I understand what you mean but you e no idea what’s really going on with anyone else’s child. Live and let live and be grateful you have a happy, successful child.

I'm just annoyed at listening to parents complaining about schools, teachers & coaches. I think some parents will never be happy unless their child is brightest & best... Then if it's not happening everyone else is to blame. Certain parents never step back & think maybe my child is exactly where it should be & is doing fine..

There are many and it's such a shame.
The impact of this lack of stimulation must be so frustrating for the kids as well.

That's when parents who are complaining can try & bridge the gap at home rather than blame the teachers, schools or coaches.

I agree. Learning and exploring should always start and be fostered at home.

Try being a teacher ! Hilarious.

My favourite is when I read posts
on here about ‘DDs nasty teacher who is always picking on her and made her take her beautiful new shoes off when she has no right to !

When in reality DD had actually been rude all
lesson and I had no choice but to keep her in for 5 mins at break to ask if she was okay and explain she was disrupting the lesson and we shouldn’t be swearing in class and please
your trainers off as the rules are we aren’t allowed them on ( and I don’t want you to get told off by the Head Teacher who will go mad if you walk into assembly with trainers on !!)
But apparently I’m just an awful human !

I really feel for teachers. For some kids reaching expectations is a huge achievement that would not have been possible without said teacher... But a certain cohort prefer to blame the school rather than accept they have an average child..

Being a teacher is an eye opener !!! My son who is 5 told me that you. . . I can’t believe the intelligent humans who just take their child’s word as gospel.
One child told their mother I broke their ruler by smashing it over their head ….. the mother a Dentist demanded I was sacked …she was mortified when she listened to her son retell the actual tale.

Constant messages to ask why I told
their child off! I’d love to say - because your child is bloody rude. But I’d lose my job.
The amount of parents who undermine us. It’s mad. Scary. But reflects society.

So many children are average but so many parents think their child is a brain box , the next David Beckham. My favourite parent - the- we rent this Range/Aldi on finance- I am really important and my child and me are better than you - are generally my favourite. Your child is wonderful and lovely but no better then any other !!!!

I will stop now !

DS2 spent most of the junior years looking "average". He isn't. It turns out he's very dyslexic, has some great strengths and that masks the extent of his difficulties. His dyslexia assessment revealed a very spikey profile. By wrongly assuming that he was average, he wasn't getting the targeted support that he needed.

DS is lucky, I've been a teacher, I work with young people, his sibling already had diagnoses and we were in a position for me to realise that something wasn't quite right and to afford an assessment and targeted tutoring to fill the gaps in his knowledge and skills.

Many children don't have those advantages and are limited to what their teachers can identify and schools can provide which is often very limited.

If DS was genuinely average, that would be fine. He is average at some non-academic things. I don't need him to be the best at everything. But he can only do his best when where he actually is is recognised.

What about those children who are above average, but with disengaged parents? For every child with pushy parents, there are probably 3 with parents who have no idea that they could be doing better or don't care.