Feeling completely overwhelmed, I keep screaming into a pillow

[glassdo]

Please be kind. I don't know what's wrong with me today. I'm so fucking fed up of mum life.

My kids are two and four and it's so relentless.

I think I must just be so unhappy to be so happy overwhelmed.

Especially my two year old just doesn't fucking listen to a word I say. I can't even get him to eat anything. All he does is cry, scream and have tantrums if he doesn't get exactly what he wants.

I'm so angry today. I'm angry. It's another Sunday alone with the kids. It's been another week, dealing with my kids basically alone because my husband works away a fair amount. I'm angry because they don't listen to me ( especially the little one ). I'm angry because I work so fucking hard to keep my house tidy and clean and all they do all day is mess it up.

I am so angry because I feel like everyone thinks I'm a joke and a mess of a human and they can do it better than me. By everyone I mean my in laws, my parents and even my husband. I think he thinks I'm just a bit shit. He has no idea how much it takes for me to keep the house in the condition it's in.

I can't take it. I just want my kids to listen to me. I can't take it anymore

I'm absolutely fuming today.

Maybe I should relax about it but my husband gives me a hard time and so does my mum / anyone who's seen this happen

Sod your husband and mum! Maybe they should take a turn and help you out rather than being judgy!
Give him a banana and try and give yourself a break, your doing amazing ⭐️

I have children a similar age to yours and I'm furious with your husband on your behalf. How dare he leave the majority of parenting and housework to you when he's not at work!

I honestly think you need to have it out with him. Tell him that from now on he's having the children alone for a couple of hours at least once a week. That's the very bare minimum.

In terms of practical advice, I've recently put most of my DC toys in baskets on high shelves. Every evening I put a couple on a shelf they can reach, and let them empty them out as much as they want. I don't care because tidying up is so much quicker, and they seem to play better with less options anyway.

I know getting out can be daunting, but I try to do the park first thing. Mine are more likely to listen when they aren't tired, it's quieter, and they have less energy for the rest of the day.

It's honestly normal for 2 year olds to refuse to eat much at tea time. The health visitor at my eldests 2.5 check said children that age often eat everything they need throughout the day and genuinely aren't hungry for much at teatime. For your own sanity, just give him a banana.

And a stair gate between the kitchen and living room will make it so he can't mush food into the carpet (god, they can be right little sods at this age!). I got extra tall ones for my youngest because he's a climber.

Sorry...have just seen this.

You have my sympathies. My daughters were like this - theres 20 months between them. They're 14 and 16 now. I absolutely hated the constant screaming which just felt overwhelming and I absolutely understand how it can tip people over the edge...it almost felt (to me) like the noise torture you see on tv when they're interrogating people! I think I would have coped better if I'd had a set of ear defenders. Also, when you're saying "no" you have to follow it through. Every single time. If not then they no the next "no" can be ignored too. The play pen or door catches to keep them contained will help.

To be totally honest, I have massive anger management issues, so you may have a point. Is it though directly attributable?

Some people work on Sundays. Mindblown?

As other people have already said, milk and a banana are perfectly nutritious.

It's not like he's asking for Haribo or crack.

First off, you're doing great, 2 year old are the worst and it's such a difficult age. You're doing that with a 4 year old too, and mostly on your own.
It won't be this way forever, but right now you need to have a proper serious chat with your husband, your exhausted and this isn't fair. You need a day and a night off to rest, not just now but at least every couple of months to recharge. You also need one on one time with your kids, this will help all of you.
Can your mum help if he won't?
Try and not stress too much about the house, get some early nights and good nutrition for yourself. Sending luck and a big hug.

I feel your pain. I had a breakdown at my husband, he always got the lie in too and when I basically said I'd have it easier if we split up it suddenly hit home and now he does more than half the mornings! Having sleep makes a world of difference. Secondly look for free local toddler groups. These should be relatively safe spaces to take both your kids and there's always someone around to keep an eye on your older one if the younger is playing up. Are you able to make a game of chasing the younger one with the older one while out? This means the older one gets to be included even when the younger is being a PITA.
With food it doesn't matter. Honestly I've been through all phases with my.toddler. the health visitor basically said as long as they get their multivitamin try not to worry too much about what they will and won't eat at this stage. My friend recalls crying in relief when he son ate a KitKat because he was so picky at one point she thought he would starve. Honestly pick your battles and right now, food really doesn't need to be.
And leave your kids with your husband more. They are old enough to be left with their own father. How dare ANYONE just if they haven't spent time in your position. Honestly fuck all of them. Especially your husband and your mum who should both be supporting you however they can

You need to stop caring what they think.

Don't expect praise as an adult, no one is clapping because you managed to spell the word "apple" or feed yourself any more.

I didnt want to read and run, i totally sympathise op! Ive got a 2 &3 year old and it’s chaotic! Some days are truly awful, others are amazing. My partner does 12 hour shifts and his days off are always on days the kids are at nursery. So i do 90% or the parenting alone.

can anyone help out at all? I joined the gym nearby and when they are 3 they get to go to classes for free.

ive got dogs and horses too alongside working mon- thurs, you end up running around after everyone else and getting no time to do anything that makes you happy!

for me right now im just surviving day to day- try and see if you can find any nearby clubs or things you can go to to break your days up?

my 2 love a packed lunch so i tend to make one and take it places to save money/time too!

@glassdo " my husband is on at me about it a lot too" - tell your husband to go fuck himself!! What is he doing about it? It's not just your responsibility!!!

He needs to step up massively! What about your mother and MIL? Can they not step in sometimes and help?

There's worse things he could be eating than bananas. Stick him on a multivitamin and don't have fights over food. If your husband doesn't like it, he can deal with it!

Your husband is your problem, not the children.

DD was the same at this age
I looked like this permanently

You ARE doing a good job, OP. Ignore your DH and inlaws, who seem to live in blissful ignorance of what real life with 2 children (particularly one who is very intense) is like. As for your mum saying she managed etc., all I can say is that we're all guilty of viewing the past through rose tinted glasses. My mother boasted for years about how she instantly lost the baby weight and was as flat as a board within a week...not only was she 10 years younger than I when she had her first, but she neglected to mention she was deathly ill for months afterwards (hence the weight loss).

I know it's hard not to worry, but some kids go through food phases. I went through them as a kid, and it didn't do me any harm...it did mean my poor grandmother went to the fruit shop a lot more often than she planned though! There are some things, as frustrating as they are, that we just need to accept. Your toddler loves you and feels safe with you (I agree with those saying that they act out the most with the people they feel safest with, as they know you'll love them no matter what). If he wants bananas for dinner, just let him eat the bananas.

AND you take it in turns to have a lie-in. Selfish fucker.

I don't need to tell you that you need more support, you know that. The toddler years are hell. I had 4 children under 5 (I'm not trying to elevenerife you btw) and can still remember trying desperately to be a perfect mother, have a tidy house, get the children to eat healthy home cooked meals - and failing miserably. I gave up in the end, I allocated one room downstairs for the playroom, and just shut the door on the mess at night time. Meal times were carpet picnics. If it's any consolation, all my kids are adults, and they are all decent human beings.

The level of anger you have is maybe worthy of speaking to a doctor about. It can be a sign of depression.

Maybe not for everyone, but I think there is a correlation between stress accumulated as a kid and learning certain behaviour patterns by observing them every day and then showing them yourself as an adult.
Ex'es parents were a lot gentler with his younger brother and he is a much nicer person. Exes father once admited he was often slapped and treated really badly by his parents (as was his mother whose parents treated her like a slave) but 'he turned out alright'. Except he didnt and he thought his behaviour methods and my exes angry outbursts were normal.

Well it's about time he did. Put your foot down. He's ridiculous. My heart goes out to you.

*Anyway yeah so he'll start with that. And he'll keep asking for more, maybe 5 times and if I don't give it- he'll just keep screaming until I do..

Then he'll eat bananas- maybe 5 - I'm not kidding.. he'll just keep going. Today I was trying to give him a veggie soup with pasta which he used to love. But he was fixated on the bananas and screamed at me until I gave him 5 or so. This is not unusual for him*

This is my 2 year old but with fucking yoghurts. My older 2 were never even allowed Petit Filous (the sugar, the horror!) but DD will easily eat 4 big ones if we let her. It’s constant. But that’s 2 year olds.

Pretty amazing that your 4 year still naps! Enjoy that early reception exhaustion and try and chill. I genuinely understand the screaming into a pillow thing. For me it’s 100% definitely worse when I’m pre-menstrual, and I think your DH sounds like a bit of a slacker tbh. Doesn’t sound like an ideal partner, he could improve I think.

Also your mum saying she had less support than you makes me mad. She’s not exactly supportive is she, saying that. MIL neither! Deluded.

Dear OP, I was you many years ago. I was laughing about it the other day how I smashed up a ceramic clock that belonged to one of mine. I also had one of them pinned to the bed and was screaming at him ( windows open....nice!)

It's the MOST DIFFICULT JOB IN THE WORLD.

Can you get them in some sort of day care or club type of thing?

I had 2 with a similar age gap.
Here are some thoughts ....

1. Bugger the homework. Your child is 4 ... it is a complete nonsense. There simply should be no homework at this age. Ignore it. Read a bedtime story ... that is enough.
2. Forget tidy ... homes with children this age are not and cannot be and should not be tidy.
3. If anyone criticises the mess, then tell them to sling their hook.
4. Forget in-laws etc. ... this is your home and your family and no-one else's business.
5. Put a bomb under your OH. Work out a fair division of labour, write it down, hand it to him and just tell him that this is how things are going to be from now on ... no arguments. End of.
6. Make sure that the timetable includes one evening/ afternoon when you have no responsibility for the children and he has to step up.

You need to take back some control. Being out of control is very bad for anyone.

Your children are important ... but so are you.

Get a cleaner, tomorrow.

Homework? pathetic. No.

I will give you credit - you are doing a fabulous job as a practically single parent.
_

If you split from your husband he won't be able to do his job will he? Can you call his bluff and say unless you get more support you're off?