Feeling completely overwhelmed, I keep screaming into a pillow

[glassdo]

Please be kind. I don't know what's wrong with me today. I'm so fucking fed up of mum life.

My kids are two and four and it's so relentless.

I think I must just be so unhappy to be so happy overwhelmed.

Especially my two year old just doesn't fucking listen to a word I say. I can't even get him to eat anything. All he does is cry, scream and have tantrums if he doesn't get exactly what he wants.

I'm so angry today. I'm angry. It's another Sunday alone with the kids. It's been another week, dealing with my kids basically alone because my husband works away a fair amount. I'm angry because they don't listen to me ( especially the little one ). I'm angry because I work so fucking hard to keep my house tidy and clean and all they do all day is mess it up.

I am so angry because I feel like everyone thinks I'm a joke and a mess of a human and they can do it better than me. By everyone I mean my in laws, my parents and even my husband. I think he thinks I'm just a bit shit. He has no idea how much it takes for me to keep the house in the condition it's in.

I can't take it. I just want my kids to listen to me. I can't take it anymore

I'm absolutely fuming today.

Have you thought about a half-door like on a stable, to contain him in whichever room he'll do least damage in? Like chest-high on you. Bolt quite low down on the other side so he can't climb up on a chair or whatever and reach over. Then you can do the housework or whatever and not have to worry about where he's getting to.

Rig up whatever will keep him in the buggy - something involving a padlock, if you have to.

Get ear defenders so you can cope with the screaming. I know it sounds extreme, but your desperation sounds quite extreme too.

Then tackle the screaming / tantrum thing, by setting the rules and sticking to them (one banana a day, only one small cup of milk etc) and not giving in. But he won't believe you mean it until it's been going on for a while - it'll get worse before it gets better. So get the ear defenders.

Have a look for better clips/restraint straps/anti escape etc on the Internet for car seats and pushchairs etc

I'm having to tie reins to the pushchair for my 2yo now for her to stay sat down.

Why didn't you take the medication? Maybe consider them, they can be really helpful

Sorry haven't rtft but my colleague used the stairgate to have 'mummy' breaks. She would sit on the stairs with her coffee while youngest yells at her from below and eldest whines from above, both safe and apart. She put headphones on and told them they were not allowed interrupt her break. Eventually they let her to it and understood what Mummy break time meant. Ingenious idea

Get ear defenders so you can cope with the screaming.

Omg yes. I have some that I bought for using the hammer drill and now the DVs use them when we are baking and use the electric mixer. They cost about £10. Definitely used them for screaming a few times!

@glassdo I hope you have a better day today.

Thank you so much and thanks everyone for commenting.

I was so tired last night I completely passed out. I think I've just been so run down lately, it doesn't help emotional regulation at all.

I also recommend the solid starts app. Lots of information and practical advice on picky eating.

Arrange for him to look after the children at the next possible opportunity and go out for a day - leave him to it and don't whatever you do "sort" anything before you go - thats for him to prepare

Where do you live hun? Please find your nearest Family Centre/Children's Centre. They have safe spaces, mums and baby groups, support and advice and even parenting classes with all the tips and support. Usually free as well. Do attend the centre, they're really great.

Firstly HOW DARE your husband and parents even think about criticising you?! Why arent they stepping up to help, if your husband is away and you are working and on your own with two small children? People like this are just the worse- either do something to help or shut the fk up

Secondly my friend's son at two would only eat kielbasa (polish sausage) cherry tomatoes and chocolate. For all meals. And she just let him. He is now 5 and eats absolutely everything and so rarely tantrums. (She's also a child psychologist )
It's like that meme: 'Pick your battles. Not that many battles- put some back'

Oh we’re hundreds of miles apart, otherwise I would absolutely come and help you out! I was alone for a long time and it’s rough.

Definitely give Home Start a call, get some reigns, let some things go and go easy on yourself. No one should be criticising you and you need to talk to your husband about things, be firm. Put yourself first in some circumstances, you need it. Xx

OP I feel you so much. I have a 3 & 5 year old I have only 20 months between them & it’s so so hard!
I’ve had terrible days. It gets better. My 5 year old is now in year 1 in school & I feel he is far better & easier to deal with than he used to be. Ive openly said that I hate the toddler/preschool years they are shit!
House wise lower your standards a little I’ve had an issue with an untidy house. Keep the kitchen/bathroom clean & vacuum I feel that bare minimum gets me by. Consider a cleaner I haven’t got one but it’s something I’m still considering.
Quite frankly you need more support firstly from your husband I think you need to sit him down & demand he listens & explain how low you are feeling & how hard it is.
With regards your mum is she from the generation where women were housewives? Sadly today most people need 2 wages to survive so it’s not the same. She needs to offer more support maybe have a chat with her I’m not sure how close you are.
Food wise one day my 3 year old had rice crispies for breakfast, lunch and dinner! I used to stress about the food thing but I’ve started to chill about it my thoughts are she’s unlikely to be eating like this at 20 & she’s healthy and alive! After nursery she doesn’t want much food either she has a tea there at 4.30 so comes home & asks for you guessed it rice crispies!
You are not a crap mum you are doing a good job I’ve also been through the anxiety of taking them out alone so I totally get how you feel xx

Ok…

I don’t want to be unsympathetic and I do know how awful life with young children can be - but it does sound as if you might be making a rod for your own back by giving in to him. He may say he just wants milk but if that’s not what you want him to have, just say no! Put the bananas and chocolate where he can’t see them or reach them. If you say no and he screams, ignore him and let him scream. I’m sorry, but you really don’t want him to grow up thinking he’s the one who calls the shots. Imagine him as a teenager with this mindset.

I’m disgusted by men like the husband here. So fucking selfish, so fucking misogynistic and expect women to facilitate them and keep their mouth’s shut and legs open . And fuck he, it’s so common.

I really disagree with the poster(s) who admit they took the path of least resistance, allowed unfettered screen time and gave in to everything for an easy life. That is asking for trouble.

@Turnups I get what you mean of course and of course I try to not let the screaming get him the results he wants ! But sometimes I am so tired I just can't do it.

Also, it's a development stage isn't it. I see it in my 4 year old. She was like this too when she didn't get her way and from around 3 onwards it just stopped happening as much. 2 and a half was her absolute peak. She was constantly raging. I did my best to stay firm with her too, but of course sometimes I did give in. Now she hardly ever has tantrums and things get easier with her, literally every day. You can reason with her. She doesn't fly off the handle as quickly or as violently because her brain is more developed. My son is just not there yet.

I don't think my 4 year old has got better because I was firm with her, it's just because she's matured.

OK, you know your children best! None of us are perfect and sometimes we just need a bit of peace. I would just say that I agree that the raging and tantrums are a developmental stage, but surely if he finds that they succeed in getting him what he wants, it wont encourage him to stop them soon.

I've been like this many times with my 2 kids as well. The thing that helped me was anti depressants. Probably not a popular view but I call them my don't give a fuck pills. They make me care slightly less about stuff, thus avoiding the rage! Sometimes overwhelm is a warning to take action. Before you go over completely.

Kids are DICKS at this age. My son was similar nightmare, always trying to run off. Would never hold my hand, wouldn't tolerate reins. Tantrums over the slightest little thing. My nerves were shot to shit for probably the first 4 years.....

I know it's no help right now but it WILL get better. However you need to stay firm and keep re-enforcing the rules as much as you can and if you can do this, sooner or later he will become more compliant and his dickish ways will reduce!

There is something seriously wrong with parenting in the UK. Abandoned and left to fend alone with 2 small children. Demands here there and everywhere. cries of autism as soon as the kid wants to eat cheese/bananas/ red things.

Go back to the GP, short term. The screaming and the lazy partner is not OK.

I bought a cool alphabet game for her and for us to practice and they just started throwing it everywhere. I buy so many nice things and they just throw them all over the place. When I ask them to stop they just ignore me or laugh

That’s entirely normal for 2 to 4 years old I would have thought.

The constant running about is normal for a 2 year old as well. It’s a novel experience for them, they love it. They also have literally zero self-awareness.

I do feel for you though. It must be infuriating (and exhausting). That said consider if it’s really the children who are pissing off or the other adults.

Yeah, this is crap advice. Both lazy and actually worrying.

It probably doesn’t do any harm tbh. Better than getting so stressed you’re angry and wanting to yell at your kids all the time.