Husband cancelled 2 nights away because he has a cold...

[railingsdown]

So he has a cold.
Took a Covid test and it was clear
He is sneezing and feeling sorry for himself.
We were meant to go away today
Last night he said "can we set off later tomorrow " I said yes
Then this morning he said he doesn't want to go at all
So now he is playing on the computer upstairs
I'm honestly fuming
I've lost the train fare £70
Luckily hotel was pay on arrival so I can cancel

Aibu to be annoyed ?

You sound lovely. Why should he something he doesn’t have to which will make him feel worse just to keep you company. Imagine if a woman posted that her DH was guilting her when she’s unwell.

People on here are so weird about colds. I think any kind of feeling unwell and wanting to do very little is completely fine. In fact if someone says they feel unwell ever at all, I would be full of sympathy and try my best to loop them out of everything.

I don't see why anyone would rather be home with a cold than be out enjoying their life, so if someone says they'd rather rest - or if I would rather rest - I would assume that they would get more comfort and enjoyment from that than the other thing.

Some people find all life activities "cost" them more energy and emotional labour so they have less budget to push through. My daughter is autistic and is working so hard on life all the time that a mild cold just ends up adding too much to the load and she can't tolerate going out. Lots of us adults, i suspect, have undiagnosed neurodiversity or MH issues; some people are otherwise happy and fine , a cold doesn't put them underwater. For others, it does.

Work pays the bills so I'd expect a higher threshold of tolerances of discomfort there - if you can get stuff done you should.

But a personal treat for your own enjoyment, like a party or a holiday? No way should people battle on through something that they are purely choosing to do for their own enjoyment!

Gosh I’m glad my partner is more supportive than you are. If I was ill he would certainly support me to stay home if I wanted to rest.

@railingsdown yep I'm upset- luckily it was an add on extra- as we went away in July. I get the logic and to be frank I would struggle with airport as feel really weary- as does he. Still better not to have a shit time and spend lots in process I guess

I wish more people would stay home when ill to be honest instead of spreading their germs everywhere 😕

My exh cancelled our honeymoon because he had the sniffles. He then made a big thing of it at the reception by toasting everyone with Lemsip in a mug. Everyone felt so sorry for him and he successfully made himself the sole centre of attention for the entire wedding. I divorced him 5 years later.

It depends how ill he feels. Some "colds" can make you feel terrible. I had a virus a few weeks ago, Covid test was negative but I felt awful for several days and certainly wouldn't have felt up to walking far.

Unless this is part of a pattern or there is more going on than you’ve said, I think YABU.

Being at home and having plenty of access to tissues is not the same thing as being out and constantly having to blow your nose. Even worse if you run out of tissues while out and about.

And serious, OP, learn to enjoy things on your own rather than complaining about not getting to drag your sick partner around. WTH?

thehungryteacher if you are in fact a teacher, you would think you’d have the intelligence to realise that it’s really not a good idea to travel when you’re so ill!

I don’t understand why you’d rather waste money on a hotel and have him stay in the room the majority of the time, rather than go on your own or do it a different time instead.

I’m glad your parents can use the train tickets.

I think you’re being a little mean, he can’t help feeling poorly and you just want to stay home when you’re unwell.

Being a teacher means going into work when you're ill, and being surrounded by 30 germ machines (with little concept of personal hygiene) in a confined space, especially now that parents are told they can't keep their children off school when they're ill.

I suspect that's why I don't have any patience for someone who cancels their holiday because they have a cold. I've had to power through being at work ill, for nearly 40 years.

Do you also test yourself for every other disease going?

I don't blame him, neither would I.

I have a cold at the moment OP. I feel awful. I could easily spend the day sitting on my arse playing computer games and I will most definitely get a takeaway tonight

Neither are comparable to going away for the weekend.

It sounds like you have a plan for next weekend but I honestly think you're being quite unkind to be mad at him for being unwell.

I have some colds where I can get on with things and others (like this one) where it feels like I'm swallowing razor blades and my head is full of snot.

I used to get really awful colds with my nose running like a tap. I know some people get a mild sniffle but, honestly, my colds were awful. I just wanted to curl up somewhere quiet to blow my nose in private and sleep it off. I wouldn't fancy walking around York for two days feeling awful either. (I am still wearing a mask on occasion in crowded settings so I haven't had a cold in years for which I am profoundly grateful.)

Hmm so you'd enjoy sitting indoors with DH playing games and whining about cold?

Seems no contest to me

I wouldn't want to go either if unwell nor advocate going out spreading cold germs around to other people. 'Fuming ' about illness, v odd, plus an ill person would hardly be good company. 🤷‍♀️

Trains can be rescheduled for an admin fee of £10.

For any trips I book now I never do a non refundable rate.

Staff are not permitted to attend the office if they think they have anything contagious. As Covid is often asymptomatic, it seems prudent to test if there’s even a hint of illness.

Nobody I work with has a problem with supporting our unwell colleague in this way. It’s a bit odd to be so opposed to testing but you do you.

So, if you're ever ill, will he get you to pay for the trip, buy a take away and give him some spending money?
Wow.
Also, learn to do stuff on your own instead of guiltily your poorly husband.

Everone is different with a cold if i get one im in bed for a while.
Others just get on with it some cant.
His your husband not allowed to get ill.
Guilting him his not nice if it was you would it be different because you get on with it.

The cold I’ve had the last week I would have bailed too. It’s nae affa fine.

If hes ill it's okay for him to say he doesn't want to go. If he's well enough to be on his own, I would've gone on my own or with a friend

I'm a sturdy old packhorse when it comes to illness
But honestly, a cold am have you feeling like shite ... even when it's not Covid
However, I suspect you'd be more sympathetic if things between you were generally well, and he was known for making an effort. I appreciate that there can be a backstory to these things