If you're sharing the cost of the meal there's certain things you don't go for

[alpacachino]

If you're out with a group and you usually split the cost of the meal you don't choose the mixed grill or the steak right? You stick to the main menu.

Or AIBU and just grumpy at my brother in law

If I was having steak or anything more expensive, I will happily pay extra.

I’m a fan of people ordering what they want and I’m happy to split the bill with the exception of there being wildly different costs in what people order. Generally if it adds more than £10 onto my own tally I’d expect the bill to be reworked, but I’ve only ever had one cheeky experience and it’s quite funny so I’ll share.

really good friends birthday meal out, I couldn’t make it to the whole meal as I was working late so my husband and I came for desert and a drink. Lovely local (expensive) pub. Huge family meal, about 15 people, lots of alcohol. I went to the table gave my hellos and hugs to everyone and asked how dinner was, this was about 8:30/9pm.

husband ordered us two soft drinks and a pudding for me at the bar and paid for it there, as it was the end of the meal they’d all finished and were sat chatting. Didn’t think much of it.

at some point later the split of the bill is announce at something like £70 a head. The guy who’d done the maths looks up the table to us and says “don’t worry we only counted you both as one person” and my friends brother and cousins smile and laugh like they’ve done me a favour, step dad is chuckling away at the bill split and how thoughtful he is to have only counted us as one person instead of two.

😂😂 I was so speechless, I think I laughed in a nervous chuckle way. Then luckily a mutual friend said “but they didn’t order anything and only just got here” 😂😂

silence. Could hear a pin drop. And then my husband looked up and said “I’ve ordered and paid at the bar” and the confusion on their faces still makes me laugh to myself when I look back at it, they just looked down at the bill and back at us waiting for us to say something else and when we didn’t and went back to our conversation sat there reworking the bill while a relative of hers sat staring at us in disbelief that we’d paid at the bar and weren’t chipping in.

i still can’t understand their thought process, 2 diet cokes and a sticky toffee pudding , £70 please 😂😂

I’d offer to stick in an extra tenner if I was way over. Used to have a boss that would suggest splitting, he’d go ave-high when junior staff went low. Callled him our, he seemed surprised!

What's the price difference you are talking?

In a chain restaurant I can imagine there being most than £5, £6 tops difference. Divided by a few members of the family it's not going to add a huge amount on to the bill.

Wasn’t there a thread a few years ago about a bloke on work dos who would always order the most expensive dish, cocktails, whiskey etc and then insist on splitting the bill? I remember there being some comeuppance but I don’t remember what.

Think the issue is if he has form for it.

I have a SIL like that. Always has 3 courses plus coffee while the rest are having 2; encourages her ( now adult) dc to do the same; expects bill to be shared evenly between the 3 siblings; forgets her card. Every time.

I'm a bit limited on what I can order due to allergies and usually steak is the safest bet if we go somewhere new.

Because then they don’t get to police other people’s meal choices on a public forum, making themselves out to be some kind of martyr.

I think I might remember that. Pretty sure he was unanimously thought of as a cf. Seems it’s ok to let your friends subsidise you but not your work colleagues.

I don’t think eating out with friends is for you OP. Maybe just stay at home.

I don’t begrudge my family or friends anything at a meal. I enjoy their company and appreciate them and am happy to contribute to the bill for whatever they are ordering. Or better yet happy to pay for it all.

I couldn’t get worked up over this and I certainly couldn’t be so miserable as to be monitoring the value of who has ordered what.

Then you must have the luxury of having money to spare if you’re fine with paying for everyone.

If you’re so skint as to be complaining about an extra couple of pounds for a mixed grill then eating out a restaurant is the least of your concerns.

In future when you place your order always ask for it to be written as a separate order that way you should get a separate bill for only what you've eaten/drank.

Once you've paid your taxes/bills no one but you has a right to dictate how you spend money you've earned, your family included.

How many people are at these meals? Or how much extra does it actually cost you? If it's a pound or two, it's probably not worth the hassle.

If it's significant, and monthly. Then I'd confront it - in a jolly/joke way to start to shame him and see if he'll stump up.

Eg say in front of everyone, in a jolly voice, next time he orders, "you know I'm so impressed with your appetite for these mixed grills, BIL, that I did a quick bit of maths. You know, everyone around this table is paying you an extra £50 a year, for these mixed grills! Needless to say, we love you lots- but do you think we're made of money?" (Big smile) Then see what happens. When the cost is held up in front of everyone, maybe some others might jump in and do a bit of nudging too....? Or maybe he will quietly not order that next time, or offer to add something when it comes to bill time. If he weakly offers, come bill time, say very cheerfully "oh that would be great thanks!" And leave it at that. (He will probably be expecting you to say "n go that's ok I was just joking", but resist the temptation.

It seems stupid to not order what you fancy because its on a different page on the menu.

If someone was policing what food I ordered I just wouldn’t eat out with them again.

You can’t really moan about the bill issue if you aren’t willing to say “i’ll pay for my own food and drink today”

If her BIL is so skint he can't pay the full cost of his own meal then he should order something more modest or skip the meal.

If I'm eating out then I'm going to order what I want, and I won't be checking the price of what other people are ordering so would have no idea if it was more or less tbh. If someone else at the table has an issue with that I would expect them to suggest splitting the bill by food ordered.

I wouldn't split a bill.

I never get the point of it, just pay for your own shit. All splitting does is offend the person who inevitably ends up paying more.

Need to know who you are dining with!
If I don’t know the group well,
I would always order moderate off main menu. I would ask others if getting a starter or want to share starters.

Chucking cards at waitstaff and asking them to figure it out who owes each about is too much to ask.

SIL is insane, always orders the most expensive like Surf & Turf with truffles complete with monologue about her hunger, last time she had this (prob with us paying) , she is CF. We are used to it.

That was a great thread! I think I remember that the others were fed up and agreed in advance of the meal they’d each pay individually. Came to the meal and greedy colleague did his usual and ordered multiple courses and sides and drinks. Then when it came to the bill and he heard he’d have to pay his own without the group effective subsidy he said something like “But I wouldn’t have ordered so much if I knew I’d have to pay for it myself’ 🤣🤣. I seem to remember he was relatively senior too

If it's family, someone needs to have a quiet word with him about it and tell him he needs to budget an extra tenner or whatever. But do this at a different time, not when you're at the restaurant.

In a general social situation I would add "or you just stop inviting him", but that may not be a realistic option if it's family.

Wetherspoons :)

Tbf there's mixed grills on a lot of pub chain menus, but also Turkish bbq, tandoori etc.
I used to hate bill splitting with in-laws because I'm the one who likes a cocktail and more expensive stuff. It meant that I was paying and eating stuff I wouldn't choose to.
Thisuis all about you not liking him. It adds about 70p to each other person's bill.

That was it. He was quite put out at having to cover his own bill. In my experience it’s always those that can afford it that order the most and then suggest splitting. I wonder if it’s because they have never been in a situation where £5 is a lot of money?

Nothing preventing OP or anyone stating before the meal, they will only pay for what they eat/drink. So long as they include a tip/gratuity/service charge.

Or go to somewhere with a set menu for a set price. They usually include steak or mixed grill in the options. One of the ones I go to has a set £20 menu that includes a half bottle of wine or a beer per person. Then if you want more drink, you go to the bar and pay at the bar. It includes a steak meal too. Which isnt bad for 20 quid.