If you're sharing the cost of the meal there's certain things you don't go for

[alpacachino]

If you're out with a group and you usually split the cost of the meal you don't choose the mixed grill or the steak right? You stick to the main menu.

Or AIBU and just grumpy at my brother in law

So do the same, order the most expensive thing you feel like on the day, and the most expensive drink you fancy.
When everyone is doing that, no one looks greedy and you all actually get a meal you want, rather than something from the standard menu.

Get to a wetherspoons, harvester or similar local pub and you'll find out

It's a bit rude to laugh at our venue choices.

I think people should be able to order what they want to eat and drink - but when I am out with friends, although we roughly split and don't actually count the exact pennies, we all keep an eye on what we and others are buying and those with more expensive tastes, add in extra before the rest is split

If BIL doesn't do that, just say next time you don't want to split it like that

Therr are so many posts on here about bill splitting drama that I don't understand why people don't just pay for what they ate and drank.
We eat out with different groups of friends and families frequently and there's never any question of doing anything else. Guess what? No one has ever got tetchy about the bill!

Usually at Wetherspoons, pubs etc, you can easily order and pay separately, so start doing that. Just order for your own immediate family and BIL and DSis order theirs.

I think you acknowledge that yours was a bit more expensive and chuck an extra bit in or offer to cover the tip - you don’t need to grind it down to the minutiae of who had what but an acknowledgement is helpful.

Reminds me of the time SIL announced her and BIL were only paying for what they ordered because they were saving money…proceeded to order the surf and turf and then was more than happy to split the bill 🤣

The this is why this is annoying you.

It’s not about the mixed grill. I am pretty sure you wouldn’t care if everyone round the table ordered something slightly more expensive than you, pushing your bill up.

Every time I've gone out, we've brought cash

Each one of us has a budget, we stick to that and each pays for their own and we also cover the birthday celebrant (coz, you know, birthday)

Even then, there are issues, with people trying to get away with paying less than their share

Next time try ordering something really expensive yourself and see what happens.

If they say anything there's your perfect opening to say fair enough, let's all agree to always pay for what we've had in future.

Tbh I'd just tell them I'm on a budget so I'm going to just pay for my own meal instead of paying for my meal and putting a bit towards yours as well

and if they want to sulk about it then that's up to them. You can't be a doormat because you don't want piss takers to be cross with you that you won't let them carry on being piss takers.

I would order what I wanted to eat and then if it was something that was significantly more expensive than anything else on the menu, offer to pay slightly more.

When out with BIL decide at the outset that you will all pay for your own meals - no splitting.

I prefer to pay separately so that I can eat what I wish.
If forced to split the bill, or shouted, I will only look through the cheaper side of the menu. Any drinks, bar one beer, wine or soft drink, I always pay for myself.

You have to be fair and not exploit friends, elderly relatives etc..

Even if it was an unwritten rule, hes taking no notice, so why are you?

I think if it roughly balances it’s fine. I don’t drink so often subsidise the drinkers, so no I don’t feel guilty if I have the steak at a couple of quid extra if it’s what I fancy (it’s not always what I fancy). If it bothers you that much just pay for your own, or stop going. I have a list of people I won’t split the bill with because they actually take the piss on booze, mind you I often try and avoid going out with them full stop. For good friends we know it equals out in the end and quite happily will split equally regardless.

Genuinely sorry - I wasn’t having a dig. I just haven’t seen a mixed grill since the 90s. It was a happy nostalgia thing, not trying to be mean or rude. Apologies.

(Also - not in England so don’t really have those sorts of places)

Next time don't stick around until the end, make an excuse that you have to leave earlier and just pay for what you had.

You say its mostly pubs and chains you go to. So it's not a swanky place where the most expensive food can cost over a hundred quid, so the rest might not notice an extra pound each for his course.

I think I vary how I work out paying bills depending on who I'm with. With friends for a lunch, we might go out for a 'cheapy' and say we'll both order from the fixed set lunch menu or whatever. With other people we'd have whatever we fancied and split the bill or sometimes we take turns to pay with close friends or family - we'll get it this time and you get it next etc.
I guess if I thought there'd be an issue like OP is talking about I'd have the discussion beforehand when the booking is made. Along the lines of "There's a lunch/dinner deal on at Harvester (or whatever) shall we go there and have the two course deal?" That might give you an opening to chat about that when everyone is looking at the menu on the night - a little reminder for BIL perhaps!

I had a friend who used to do this, she'd often order three courses, the main would always be steak, lobster, King Prawns, an expensive glass or two of wine. She had her own beauty salon as well, and could afford to pay people to work for her, so not short of money.

She once twisted my arm to go on holiday with her, after a few days of splitting the bill I told her we had to start paying separately. She looked at me in disbelief and sat on the sunbed sulking for the rest of the holiday.

Gradually lost contact after the holiday, and looking back I can't believe I let her take advantage like that.

If you can't afford to split a meal where people are going to order what they want (I know lots of people who order steak when out because nothing beats a well cooked steak when out) then don't agree to split the bill.

This should be common sense. Why go out to dinner if you can't order and eat what you want?

This...

If you are eating at a weatherspoons you di so from the app or go to the bar therefore you can all easily order separately. I don't think I have ever split a bill in a weatherspoons.

Lobster and champagne for me if splitting the bill, but burger and fries with a banana milk shake if I've gotta stump up myself.

I order whatever I actually want no matter the price. But if it's significantly more expensive I'll add a bit extra to the pot at the end.

I like having a little bit of a lot of things when eating out so often get a mixed grill or a starter platter as a main which tend to be more expensive.

If everyone is drinking alcohol I won't put in extra though as I don't drink and that evens things out.

In our groups, everyone orders what they want, and we split it - swings and roundabouts, it all works out over a lifetime

If there are kids there, we just add that onto the bill, and split between the adults.

Lunches with a friend, just take turns in
who pays.