Boyfriend won't let me have alcohol?

[WitchyPoos]

So story is, me and my boyfriend sometimes work opposite shifts and don't see each other some days at home like passing ships. I do a ten hour shift and have a few gins when home and he's at work he doesn't like it. If I'm on a day off and go out to see a friend in the pub he doesn't like it. Or have a few in the evening on a day off he doesn't like it. Youd think I was 16. I'm 35 🤦🏻‍♀️. I don't harm anyone I'm in my own home and in my own time but it makes me feel that way. I don't drink and ignore normal life he thinks i do. Who is BU in this situation cos I think could be me but why

There are two completely separate issues here.

The first is that as an adult, you get to decide everything for yourself, and as an adult you are also responsibly for the consequences, that includes what you eat and drink, and everything else you do.

The second is that you are living with someone who attempts to exercise control over what you go and the choices you make. That is never ok.

The obvious solution is to get rid of him. Can you find getting your own place or afford to pay for everything yourself if you ask him to leave ? Thats the bottom line.

It's not necessarily about the driving bit, it's about judgement not being impaired by alcohol so can make well reasoned decisions in event of any emergency. But maybe due to my job and the things I have seen I'm just ultra cautious.

You are very fortunate then, mine each had at least 4 A and E trips each by time they were 2 years old - one was extremely accident prone, and one has complex medical needs.

But apologies, I didn't read the hundreds of comments so didn't realise they were a teenager, a teenager that age is able to look after themself. So yes, agree with others that your boyfriend sounds really controlling and worth considering if this relationship is helpful or harmful to you. I hope you find a way forward which works for you, whether thats with or without him

Don't be silly.

If your only alcohol consumption is 2 or possibly 3 doubles once a week its not far off teetotal lol.

A double is 2 units so that would mean the OP is having between 4 and 6 units a week so less than half the NHS recommended amount.

Do that then. Bin him off and then maybe you won't fancy a drink or 2 or more in the evenings alone. You'll get yourself back.

How very grown up 🙄

Now, come on, you know exactly what they mean.
In your efforts to be hilarious 🙄 are you refuting that a man who demands his partner goes to the shop for four cans of beer to drink alone, at home, that morning, has a drink problem?

@Longma
I agree the attitude to alcohol is bizarre, one comment was that drinking at home alone makes you an alcoholic!! Must be ok if you wait for 6 figure earning cyclist hubby to get home and join you for a vino 🤣

Hmmm…

that is tough one. With alcohol though I might try to hear jis views. Surely uou think he has your best at heart hence you are with him?

i still remember someone telling me (she was 30ish) that she had an alcohol problem because she is out eveey night and just can’t not have one drink. So…what about you try that? Don’t have « a few » for one of your night off. If you can…tell him to mind his business (no need to explain what you did) but…if you can’t…reevaluate. Maybe?

take care op. Things can happen fast and sometimes so slowly that we can’t see…until someone tell us.

good luck 🌺

Is it not??🫣🤣🤣

Of course I'm not refuting that, if you'd seen my other post on this thread you would know I'm totally in agreement that a) OP does not have a drink problem IMO, and that b) her "partner" is a controlling bastard who probably does.

What I WAS refuting was the bald statement that drinking at home alone = drink problem, a statement so blunt and uncompromising it struck me as ridiculous.

What you drink would be too much for me but everybody has her own limits 🤷🏼‍♀️ I'm no good with hard licquor but I like a glass (or two) of wine in the evening - not every evening. Sounds like you perfectly know what you're doing, well in control. I don't see the problem.

I haven't read all the response, BUT...

Any time I read "My boyfriend doesn't allow me to...", klaxons go off in my head. You are an adult, your boyfriend is not your keeper. It sounds like he is applying a double standard to your collective drinking.

Leave now before he starts thinking he can dictate terms about other aspects of your life.

As if a couple of doubles one or 2 nights a week is a problem.

WTF?

He's controlling. This will only get worse.

Sounds to me that it’s controlling behaviour 🚩

Women can have up to 14 units a week for lower risk drinking. 1 unit is Ix25 ml measure of gin.
The OP is having 2 to 3 doubles maybe a couple of times week. So she is drinking 8 to 12 units a week, well within limits.
It might be be better to have 3 singles 4 times a week or so, but she is having plenty of days rest in between. Whatever are all these accusations of alcoholism?

It's the boyfriend I'd be concerned about.

I’m sure you are talking about your EX boyfriend, no? The controlling knob who calls you names and dictates what you can and can’t do?

Dump him OP, no one has to live with a twat.

Because, I think,of childhood experiences Îm not objective at all about alcohol and its risks. maybe he’s the same?Then again it’s your life and it’s up to you!

If you are only drinking as often as you say, he has no business commenting and trying to control you. It sounds like an unhealthy relationship. He is being controlling and verbally abusing you. Unless you are happy with him 90% of the time, IMHO it sounds like you should end it with him.

Forget the drinking . He should not call you names . Its awful behavior. And negativity you don't need in your life. Or your sons. He is setting a terrible example of how you should treat people.

If it had had the same effect on him, then surely he wouldn't be coming home after a night shift and necking 4 cans every time?

2 or 3 doubles could be up to 21 drinks a week, home alone and a single measure of spirits is more than a unit. It probably would be medical standards be considered excessive drinking.

While I don't think you have to answer to anyone I can understand why drinking 2-3, poured by eye "doubles" at home is worrying to him and maybe you need to discuss his concerns with him.

Theres a balance here between your wellbeing and your entitlement to not be controlled

OP says the below:

He came in from night shift this morning drank four cans. Demanded i popped to my work for more for when he gets up.

And when he's drunk he calls her fat. And disabled.

Discussing his 'concerns' about her drinking considering his own behaviour around alcohol would be pointless.

He drinks daily, excessively, and is abusive when he's done so.