My non swimming child went under during swimming lesson

[Mamabear256]

DS is 4.5 years old and has just started swimming lessons, stage 1 at his local leisure centre. It’s 8 children per class, one instructor and a lifeguard watching 2 classes in the pool.

He’s naturally quite a shy reserved boy and he doesn’t like going under water, he doesn't love going but he does need to learn to swim.

Last week he had a trial, whereby he used floats the whole time. However yesterday, the first thing the instructor got to do was all of the children to doggy paddle across the width of the pool (a small-ish pool) without any aids or support. The instructor was standing a few metres in front whilst all 8 children doggy paddled at the same time. DS can barely touch the floor and he doesn’t even know what a doggy paddle is. It was inevitable he was going to go under, and he did. The instructor wasn’t too near my DS so I started to run around to get him. After a few seconds one of the mums shouted towards me ‘it’s ok he’s back up!’ I looked and the instructor had him.

Now I genuinely do not believe he should have been asked to do that without any floats. If the children went one by one doing it with the teacher next to them then I get that. But not all 8 at the same time, with the instructor not close to him, and especially as he is a non swimmer and can barely touch the floor.

I want to complain but just wanted to check if this is normal or not.

AIBU in thinking this isn’t right and to complain?

It was one life guard watching 2 classes, not a class of 8 being supervised by plural lifeguards like you wrote.
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Op is not overreacting. Her child was distressed.

same here.

Could he touch the floor? I’m not clear.

just gradually let the air out of the arm bands or if using solid arm bands they often come in a set of 3 and you discard one band each time

Thanks for all your responses, some not quite so thankful for as I didn’t expect to be insulted and to be called things such as ‘lazy’. Yes it’s true I didn’t take him swimming when younger, that may be something I did wrong but not out of laziness, I worked full time whilst my son was in nursery so I was shattered by the weekend. I also became pregnant and had my second DS.

To those asking - yes I know how to swim, no I don’t have a fear of swimming myself.

I’ve taken the useful advice here away this morning, we are going to go swimming sessions together as a family. I’ve been looking into private lessons too. I wasn’t able to talk to the instructor before or after class as the children have to walk through water sprays to get to the pool so adults can’t really get to the poolside. It’s weird.

Thank you to those who provided supporting and reassuring comments and advice!

Not very good coach for sure.

Normally the first couple of lessons should be breathing, in and out of water, whilst holding the bars on the side. Don’t doubt yourself. It’s the coach’s issue. The quality of coaches varies hugely. Change another time slot for a different coach. Or find swimming club that’s not fun by leisure center.

Why should he be less scared next time, when he had a frightening experience the first time? Of course we want children to learn to swim, but don’t we want them to find being in the water enjoyable? There’s a happy medium, and a four-year-old in his first ever lesson going under, hating it and crying afterwards doesn’t seem to me to be it.

How horrible for you both! I doubt he was in real danger but still horrible.
Something similar happened to my DD at her first swimming lesson when she was 4.5 and she refused to go back, completely hysterical the week after refusing to go in the pool.
I was really annoyed because she'd been quite nervous of water as a toddler and we had worked really hard with her to get her to the stage of being confident enough to start swimming lessons- then all undone in one lesson!
She then didn't end up going back to lessons for 2 years because covid hit , then after that we had to get her in 1:1 lessons to get her confidence up .
I think swimming instructors need to understand that all children are different, some will jump straight in but some really need to take things more slowly.
It's also kind of sensible to be a bit scared of water.

Ps my DD is 9 now and a great swimmer, not scared at all.

this is a pointless comparison.

your 6 week old was being held by either you or the instructor.

@Mamabear256 perhaps look into a few private sessions
my kid was like this, screaming his head off at 5yo etc

Now he’s 10 and in competitive swim squad

private 121s were fantastic to get over the fear x

Your child definitely needs swimming lessons. Consider 1:1 until he can stay afloat, it will be easier on your nerves if not your wallet. You sound very anxious about it all which will not be helping your son at all - could you wait elsewhere, in a non-viewing area?

It seems to be the done thing not to use floats these days.

I have never known a swimming class that did not use floats. These are not the things you buy in toyshops.

It sounds an upsetting episode for both of you. Best avoided while you look for a less gung-ho teacher or else teach him yourself. But it doesn't sound as if the coach was doing anything wrong, especially with lifeguards there, so I think it would be unreasonable to complain.

I think you need to be guided by your DS on this. Some kids won't be bothered by going under, some will hold onto the fear. DS1 didn't learn to swim independently for ages. He couldn't touch the bottom of the pool where he was having lessons and was so unconfident he couldn't progress. Definitely nothing wrong with the swim teachers, they're well known locally for how good they are. We changed venue to a pool where he could touch the bottom and it transformed his swimming, so much so he became a club level swimmer for many years. DS2 was the opposite and was often spinning around under water instead of learning to swim!

Personally I'd pause lessons for a few months and spend that time taking him to the pool for playing to build confidence. When he's happy with his face in the water I'd restart the lessons. Kids progress so much faster when they are confident in the water.

Thank you for the update OP. I hope you and your DS enjoy some fun family time in the water.

I hadn't picked up that you couldn't easily talk to the coach. That's just weird, with such little children. I swim regularly, and I often see children getting changed for their classes (there's just one set of changing rooms for the main pool and the training pool where the lessons are). The coaches are always around, chatting to children and parents, and the children clearly adore them. There are also notices all over the place for parents, with a QR code they can use if they had a question for a coach that they didn't get to ask. It's nuts that parents of small children can't talk to the coaches who have charge of them in a potentially hazardous situation. It sounds like a good decision to take him out of those lessons and get him enjoying being in the water with you.

It’s impossible to learn to swim without going underwater.

@andthat not really. I actually bothered to book lessons and realised swimming was an important life skill. DS was submerged and then let go and caught under the water, which built up in duration over the course of the lessons to get them used to holding their breath and not being afraid of water. He's now 10 and swims competitively.

Thing is, if you use floats, you only learn to swim with floats. You can't teach them to stay afloat without them without taking it away. They do go under during lessons, sometimes it's best not to watch, it's terrible for your nerves.

I haven't read through all the comments but im surprised at the number of people who think you are over reacting.

I'm a swimming instructor and this sounds like bad practice tbh. Even if they are all in armbands, 8 at once is too many to go at one time. But non swimmers should be going one at a time if they can't touch the bottom of the pool. And the others should be sitting on the side waiting.

I was somewhat unclear from the OP if he could actually stand in the water, but either way I would complain, ask for another teacher or change swim schools.

No one is suggesting that the child keeps wearing floats until he's proficient in front crawl though. Just that he either needs to have a adult right by him until he's confident and or taller, or, he needs to have floats on until he's confident and or taller.

How does that work then? You have to hold them all the time until they are about 4 or 5? So the child can't play independently, jump in, fetch ducks etc? Unless in very shallow water I guess. My kids had a brilliant time aged 2 and 3 on holiday spending 4 hours a day jumping in the pool. No way could they have done this without armbands. Especially as there's 2 of them and only 1 of me!
And how do they learn to swim with someone holding onto them. Does it not impede their confidence if they are used to mum hanging onto them all the time.

I would say not normal at the classes we go to though I am not sat close enough to know exactly how they transition to without armbands but certainly the child gets a choice. And once a child must have gone under (and it can only have been briefly) and alarms went, teacher jumped in and three life guards came sprinting along