Feral kid in same class as DS

[gymthenbeach]

There's a boy in my DS's class who also lives near us... I couple of streets away. Both are 8 years old.
Ever since pre-school his mum has been talking non-stop about his "special needs" and how she's waiting for CAMHS to assess him (not sure what for, I don't ask). But her son and his "problems" are all this mum talks about whenever I (or any of the other school mums) see her. It's never "hi, how was your weekend?"... It's always about her son and his alleged "problems".
I have every sympathy but I have a lot going on in my own life and don't really want to hear about him all the time. It's draining.
Trouble is, this kid has been over to our house a few times to play with my son but is so feral each time, I've had to ask him to leave. Issues include no manners, no respects, snatching things from my DS and other friends who are there (the others are all lovely kids with good manners) and pushing some of the smaller kids around. His language is shocking too, F*k this, F*k that.. Also uses sexually explicit language that no kid of his age should be using.
I've told my son this kid isn't welcome in our home or garden any more and have been clear about my reasons for this. My son agrees, he's not so keen on him anyway.
The kid has taken to hanging around in my front garden, jumping up and down on my (expensive) fence panels and making a nuisance of himself with the elderly housebound neighbour who lives directly opposite me.
I've tried a few times to raise this with the boy's mum but she's very dismissive and resorts to talking about "well, he has this problem and that problem and is under CAMHS" but doesn't really seem to do anything about parenting him and stopping him being such a nuisance.
Feel so fed up of seeing him outside our house and hearing about him. He claims he has "nowhere else to go" whenever I say he can't come in our house or play in our garden. AIBU in saying that's not my problem or my responsibility?

Why is he not at his house? You should be calling his mum and telling her to bring him home.

His mother sounds utterly useless.

I've said it before and I'll say it again.... sprinklers!!

Surely he shouldn’t be out unsupervised if his mother knows he cannot behave.

I like the pp idea sprinklers

Tell him to leave and go home

If he does it again call the police

His mother needs to parent him and stop bleating on about his supposed diagnosis

Sounds more like a fire hose job

My son is SEN but I would never just let him go anywhere because he doesn't have anywhere to go , I'd take him to a park instead .

On the topic of the sexually explicit language which is beyond his years, a call to social care wouldn't go amiss although don't expect great changes from it but better to touch base than not at all.

As an aside, I’d be worried about the sexually explicit language. Can you flag this to the school? They’ll have a good idea of whether it sounds like a safeguarding issue.

Well if he is using language like that it's safe to assume that is the language he hears at home.
And at 8 years old why is he hanging around your home and not at his own home? Does his mother actually know where he is?
It sounds as though she may be blaming the issues on her son which actually stem from her parenting.
It's not up to you to parent her son.
I agree with pp you should call her and get her to take him home. And yes, consider flagging his worrying behaviour up with the school.

If he has no where to go, report to SS. It doesn’t sound like a behavioural problem it’s a parenting problem first and foremost.

I also second sprinklers.

If he has additional needs he needs to be under 1:1 parental supervision doesn't he -said with a smile and a head tilt.

As for the sexual language call social services it's a signal that a child may be being abused.

I totally missed the 8 year old part. Why is an 8 year old with issues playing streets away from his home with zero supervision.

Bonkers. And yes raise the sexual stuff with the school safeguard lead.

I'm really protective and diligent when it comes to my DS so I'm surprised this mom is just letting him wander off to a strangers house who doesn't even want him there . Also from OP point of view I understand how hard it is lookin after a child who isnt your own and is special needs, tbh I have one so I know what it's like . I'm finding the situation bizarre . Don't people have pride just dropping your children on random strangers ?

Ffs, I’ve got two boys with asd and adhd. I’m no well aware that my oldest, particularly, could ge a bit of a handful so he didn’t go out alone at 8 (didn’t have the road sense anyway) and if they were becoming a nuisance at school I PARENTED them. Their diagnosis was never a reason for them to be annoying or disrupting other people.

abd they certainly didn’t get away with poor manners or bad language at that age. Special needs are not a get out of jail free card.

As pp said, call social services.
Also, the school might be able to tell the mother to keep him away from the garden.
And if he's bothering someone elderly and damaging your property then maybe the police too. (Yes, he's under the age of criminal responsibility but if he's a public nuisance that still makes it a police matter.)

As pp said, call social services.
Also, the school might be able to tell the mother to keep him away from the garden.
And if he's bothering someone elderly and damaging your property then maybe the police too. (Yes, he's under the age of criminal responsibility but if he's a public nuisance that still makes it a police matter.)

I agree ! I'd give anything for my son to have a corpus collosum and be like every other child !

I've been wondering about that , has it become common or did children have it before as well but people didn't notice as much ?

There seems to be a large number of adults getting diagnosed so I suspect not noticing and not being diagnosed. Kids were sent out dawn to dusk and given labels like "naughty kid" "disruptive one in the class" "class clown" "fidget" "Tasmanian devil" etc.

Tell her that she needs to come and get her child as he shouldn’t be unsupervised with his condition

Kids are largely formed by their parenting. So there is probably 'nothing wrong' but their parents who clearly lack the skills they need to bring him up properly.