Feral kid in same class as DS

[gymthenbeach]

There's a boy in my DS's class who also lives near us... I couple of streets away. Both are 8 years old.
Ever since pre-school his mum has been talking non-stop about his "special needs" and how she's waiting for CAMHS to assess him (not sure what for, I don't ask). But her son and his "problems" are all this mum talks about whenever I (or any of the other school mums) see her. It's never "hi, how was your weekend?"... It's always about her son and his alleged "problems".
I have every sympathy but I have a lot going on in my own life and don't really want to hear about him all the time. It's draining.
Trouble is, this kid has been over to our house a few times to play with my son but is so feral each time, I've had to ask him to leave. Issues include no manners, no respects, snatching things from my DS and other friends who are there (the others are all lovely kids with good manners) and pushing some of the smaller kids around. His language is shocking too, F*k this, F*k that.. Also uses sexually explicit language that no kid of his age should be using.
I've told my son this kid isn't welcome in our home or garden any more and have been clear about my reasons for this. My son agrees, he's not so keen on him anyway.
The kid has taken to hanging around in my front garden, jumping up and down on my (expensive) fence panels and making a nuisance of himself with the elderly housebound neighbour who lives directly opposite me.
I've tried a few times to raise this with the boy's mum but she's very dismissive and resorts to talking about "well, he has this problem and that problem and is under CAMHS" but doesn't really seem to do anything about parenting him and stopping him being such a nuisance.
Feel so fed up of seeing him outside our house and hearing about him. He claims he has "nowhere else to go" whenever I say he can't come in our house or play in our garden. AIBU in saying that's not my problem or my responsibility?

My two autistic children are both happy and healthy...

An 8 year old shouldn't be roaming around unsupervised.
poor kid.

Call social services and the police next time he's hanging around your house. His lazy mum just can't be arsed to parent him.

^This.

Is he eating the neighbourhood cats and dogs too?

YANBU

Mum sounds a useless waste of space, no doubt dragging him up. If his antisocial behaviour continues and he damages your property, call the police and she wont be lying and laughing about "suppose hes going to cahms then teehee"

Erm, I have ADHD (diagnosed by a psychiatrist) and I am both happy and healthy.

Also pretty horrified to see so many posters think my parents must regret me or wish they had a different, "normal" child...

Because you are a responsible, loving parent.
No one should be letting their child wander unsupervised like this boy is.

I think it is fair enough to suggest he goes home and say that X isn't up for a playdate. If you say it often enough (be consistent and stay on message), he should hopefully get the hint and go home or elsewhere. I would also raise it with school that this child is out unsupervised and saying he has nowhere to go. School are probably well aware of this child's chaotic home life and the safeguardinng lead should be the bridge between the family and social services. The boy clearly has needs, but so does the mother and it would seem she is not coping very well. An 8 year old wandering around on his own and saying he has nowhere to go sounds like neglect to me.

Yeah having a child needing CAMHS is a barrel of laughs

My friend’s son used to become wild after a Cornetto Ice cream.

My son would become the same after a Mars Bar
literally the sugar rush would make him bounce off the walls.

Was watching Freddie Mercury last night in a Live Aid video

What was so noticeable was the complete absence of phones 📱 in the audience- The audience were really connected to the band rather than recording through a phone 📱

Phones and screens-are so bad for children.

Two things bother me your attitude and the parent of the child. You saying how draining it is when mum mentions son having special needs and not getting help maybe he does and she needs help. You saying how draining it js very bizarre.
Of course mum should be there more and maybe control kid more no excuses and maybe his feral ways are because if sen like snatching stuff etc or maybe bad parenting we don't know. But check yiyr attitude a bit I think

All the more reason to be actually attending to his needs then rather than leave him to roam around unsupervised when he doesn't have the skills to regulate his behaviour or keep himself safe... I am an adoptive parent btw

Also you say mum goes on about son needing cahms but then says you don't ask what for? So obviously not interested then or at least try and make conversation that goes with your attitude to I suppose

It would seem his main problem is his mother and her lack of responsibility.

My friend’s son used to become wild after a Cornetto Ice cream.

My son would become the same after a Mars Bar
literally the sugar rush would make him bounce off the walls

^

I do think this contributes to manic behavior

It's not the same result as having a piece of cheese, let's face it

Nephew went bananas after a fruit shoot

Oh yay, another ADHD bashing thread. Why do neurotypical people always have to start the questioning about neurodivergent people?

I wish I didn’t have ADHD. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. It’s ruined my life in many ways, I hate how debilitating it is.

I am the only one of my siblings with it. We were parented the same. I am not a naughty person, I am not someone who didn’t have structure or good parenting, I have a neurological condition which I can’t help and I fucking hate.

Please, quit with the ‘Well I think it’s all just bad parenting’ bullshit if you have no first hand experience.

I agree. It seems unlikely that an adoptive mum would risk giving him that much unsupported time.

@SpiderPlanter Most people aren't bashing the kid they're bashing the parent who's too lazy and disengaged to meet his needs. Whatever his diagnosis it really sounds like his parents need to step up. If I had a child with a ND diagnosis I think this would piss me off even more because this kindof parent is the kind that worsens stigma for parents who are genuinely working tirelessly for their child with additional needs

I’m not talking about the comments about this child in particular, I’m talking about the way these threads always descend within the first few posts to ‘Everyone is getting diagnosed these days, I reckon it’s XYZ’. It’s every time, all these armchair psychiatrists who don’t believe in ADHD like it’s fucking Santa Claus.

Try living with it, it’s hell and it’s not too much m&ms

This is so exactly what I was thinking of saying. No one is 'bashing' people with ADHD.

As there has been no diagnosis no one knows if he has ADHD or anything else, or if he is just being poorly parented.

Having a child with behavioural problems is incredibly tough but however hard it is on the parents it's still their responsibility to make sure their DC isn't roaming around being a nuisance to other people - especially if they are only 8!

OP, have you tried one of those gadgets that make ultrasonic noise that only young people can hear? You won't want it all the time because of your own DS, but you might be able to get one you could put down by your fence and just switch on when menace child appears. Less controversial than the sprinklers, however tempting that sounds.

threads like this remind me how far we have to go with understanding neurodivergence.

yes the mum could do better but may well be overwhelmed.

There are lots of the typical comments on here about it being food or bad parenting. They’re right there on the first page. I am not referring to the child in question but the overall attitude that always gets peddled out on these threads.

And you would never say ‘I don’t believe that person can’t walk, maybe they can’t walk because they wear flat shoes’ so it’s not acceptable to say it about someone with ND either.

and whilst I imagine most people would be empathetic, it’s really not ok to allow your child to be a nuisance to other people

This 💯