Feral kid in same class as DS

[gymthenbeach]

There's a boy in my DS's class who also lives near us... I couple of streets away. Both are 8 years old.
Ever since pre-school his mum has been talking non-stop about his "special needs" and how she's waiting for CAMHS to assess him (not sure what for, I don't ask). But her son and his "problems" are all this mum talks about whenever I (or any of the other school mums) see her. It's never "hi, how was your weekend?"... It's always about her son and his alleged "problems".
I have every sympathy but I have a lot going on in my own life and don't really want to hear about him all the time. It's draining.
Trouble is, this kid has been over to our house a few times to play with my son but is so feral each time, I've had to ask him to leave. Issues include no manners, no respects, snatching things from my DS and other friends who are there (the others are all lovely kids with good manners) and pushing some of the smaller kids around. His language is shocking too, F*k this, F*k that.. Also uses sexually explicit language that no kid of his age should be using.
I've told my son this kid isn't welcome in our home or garden any more and have been clear about my reasons for this. My son agrees, he's not so keen on him anyway.
The kid has taken to hanging around in my front garden, jumping up and down on my (expensive) fence panels and making a nuisance of himself with the elderly housebound neighbour who lives directly opposite me.
I've tried a few times to raise this with the boy's mum but she's very dismissive and resorts to talking about "well, he has this problem and that problem and is under CAMHS" but doesn't really seem to do anything about parenting him and stopping him being such a nuisance.
Feel so fed up of seeing him outside our house and hearing about him. He claims he has "nowhere else to go" whenever I say he can't come in our house or play in our garden. AIBU in saying that's not my problem or my responsibility?

Please don't quite me in support of your offensive stance. I am 'real' special needs parent. Thresholds to reach diagnosis are set in accordance with international standards and the path to assessment is arduous and takes years. Misrepresenting this stokes resentment towards disabled children and their families. This kind of ill-informed prejudice makes our lives more unpleasant. Please stop.

Thresholds to reach diagnosis are set in accordance with international standards and the path to assessment is arduous and takes years.

That is true. But unfortunately there are parents who advocate to try and make their child fit into the 'special needs' hole because they have trouble parenting the child (or dont want to discipline them) and when the child misbehaves they think it must be a genetic problem rather than the result of poor discipline

And international standards arent a be all and end all. It isnt just the UK recognising "gender dysphoria" as an actual condition rather than the byproduct of misogyny, for example.

also i meant to say JubileeJuice is 100% right

Quote, even.

An awful lot of parents who have difficulty parenting a child with challenging behaviour go on to discover the reason for the challenging behaviour is a neurodevelopmental condition. This includes many parents who have been effective parents of developmentally normal children. These are lazy smears that hurt disabled people and their families.

It is disingenuous to draw parallels between research into neurodevelopmental conditions where the international evidence base, including insights from neuroscience, has been under intense development since at least the middle of the last century, and current debates around gender identity.

I've literally said that I am. I'm sorry you can't read.

Why it is unpleasant to discuss my personal experiences, and the reality of some families' behaviour? Are you so naive that you don't realise what happens?

In your prejudiced opinion.

No, I don't think for one second parents are hoodwinking the NHS into diagnosing developmental disorders in their children for cash. I think that is right up there with migrants eating cats and dogs in Springfield.

For those with the good fortune to be unfamiliar with the detail of what is involved, it is not uncommon to wait three years for assessment, and that's after securing a referral. Referrals then have to pass through specialist screening teams, school-based reports/scores, and finally an assessment of the child involving a minimum of two professionals, following a rigorous NICE protocol. If there is doubt during the assessment, clinicians will not diagnose, but often suggest a period of watchful waiting.

People bandy such rubbish about on sites like this and do not stop and think about the damage it does to families of disabled children. Please stop.

Jesus wept reading posts as yours.

Sorry, I must have misread. I thought you wrote you were a teacher. So unusual to retrain as a teacher after gaining the necessary qualifications and experience to diagnose autism and adhd (especially allowing for the often multi disciplinary teams needed, so you must be multi qualified to cover all areas). How many years did you spend in goor former fields before becoming a teacher?

My prejudiced opinion as a disabled, neurodiverse adult with a neurodiverse child? Sure.

I can assure you, they are. In the same way that a small amount of people fraudulently claim other types of benefit. How often do you work with disabled children and their families?

My role is to support disabled children and their families. Why do you think that families who do not have disabled children should be able to demand that they do? Do you not realise the impact this can have on disabled children? An odd stance indeed.

Is it unusual? I work with a fair few people who have a background in Ed Psych but have moved to ALNCO work due to the constraints of Ed Psych roles.

Yes, I am qualified to cover all areas. Again, not unusual. I did a PGCE which took a year. I am not teaching currently, as I am an area ALNCO. I hope that helps you understand.

I have no idea why you imagine the NHS works like this, but you are doing people like us and families like ours a profound disservice. And yes, every working day.

I think it’s incredibly unusual after the vast number of differently qualified medical professionals that my children went through for a formal diagnosis. After all, as you will be very aware of, it’s not just the input of one or two professionals.

Must be a massive pay drop and complete change of career for teacher.

Oh, I do apologise. I didn't realise that I couldn't change career because a random person on the internet would deem it unusual. It's not, by the way.

Yes, it's a huge decrease in pay. Which is more than worth it for the decrease in stress. I'd rather not put my health at risk to earn more money, when I can live comfortably doing what I do.

Some of the people on this thread are strange. And clearly have no idea that not all parents are supportive, loving adults who want the best for their children. I won't be responding further.

And you are not the arbiter of whether the families and children you come into contact with are disabled or not. There is a rigorous process for assessment.

It’s sad…is he in your garden because you’ve banned him/he wants attention? Tbh I think your terminology ’this kid’, ‘feral’, is unpleasant. His mother probably goes on about his condition to garner empathy/understanding and also to excuse his behaviour…sounds like she’s at the end of her tether. I realise it’s not an easy situation but your emphasis on ‘good manners’ and on her tedious character suggests you’re hostile to his condition/her situation. Why did your son invite him round if he dislikes him? Was he bullied? Is he…being kind?

Likely to be even more people now after a diagnosis for their child as King’s Speech says that a diagnosis means they are exempted from
VAT on private school fees.
A 20 percent saving is going to be at least a few thousand pounds.
Not small change.