Dd screams for hours if she doesn't get her own way

[whatswiththerain]

We are so exhausted with it. We put her to bed and she (dd6) will demand a drink/snack/toy/phone and scream for hours refusing to go to bed until she gets what she wants.
Of course we try not to give in but she won't stop and there gets a point where we can't take any more and give in so when we try and be stronger the next time she just fights for longer.
It's every night and bedtime is just an example, tonight she had spaghetti bolognaise and wanted cheese on top she got that and ate the cheese first and screamed and refused to eat anymore without more cheese.
If we give a consequence she'll scream and scream about it and as much as we know giving in is the problem, it's become so much of a problem that it takes over the whole evening and nighttime until we are so exhausted with her we just have to give in because we have no energy left and need to go to bed.
I know we've done this ourselves but I don't know to change it now it's done.

I've just seen your comment about her taking her phone to bed with her. Please remove her phone. She doesnt need one.

Why does she even have a phone? Does she go out without you? Does she walk to school and back alone? Does she go out playing with her friends when
you arent there.

If the answer is no she doesnt need a phone. And please, please dont let her have social media. She is 6. Social media ruins childrens lives. Please let her have her childhood without the pressure of social media.

I think you need to stick to your guns and put up with it for a couple of weeks until she gets the message. Don’t back down or she will continue to do it. I know it’s hard but you have to stick with it.

No pain no gain as they say.

100% this

A six year old with her own phone? At bedtime??That is way too young and probably partly responsible for the behavioural issues. Phones are massively addictive and detrimental for young children. You can't expect a 6 year old child to manage that kind of addictive technology.
I would get rid of the phone right away. She can have one when she's in secondary. Don't give her any personal screens. Let her watch TV for max 1-2 hours per day and nothing else

wtf are you on about? an adult woman who has never been raised properly.

I watched a teenager this week scream in an adults face at a youth club type thing. Parent stood there and didn't do anything and then just brushed it off saying they are highly strung.
Don't be that parent because it will get to that point

She will if you hang in there

It will be very hard for the first week but you absolutely CANNOT give in

What happens at school when she doesn't get her way?

lol at anyone thinking this is about wanting cheese 😅

I don’t think anyone has an issue with a 6 year old disagreeing with them. I think being screamed at for an hours though is undesirable.
There are ways of expressing yourself when angry that don’t involve screaming.
She is not communicating properly because she has been taught that screaming will work. She needs to learn to communicate her needs properly -it’s a life skill.
You should also learn that you can’t have your way all the time- that’s life. Sometimes grown ups do know best.
I understand what you are saying, but I really don’t think the commenters on here are the children should be seen not heard type. More the don’t scream at me like a spoilt brat type 🤷‍♀️

Please stop the phone. Dinner, Bed and bath by 6.30 latest. Chill time in bed with a book. She's going to find it tough for a few days but she sounds exhausted.

A 6 year old is hardly much more coherent than babies?!? You can’t be serious. A 6 year old is well capable of understanding things like ‘boundaries’. You’d be surprised what your kids are capable of it you give them enough credit stop ‘babying’.

'Oh are you going to start screaming again?' Yawn and walk away. 'Come join us in the living room when you're done honey'

You could do hot milk and a biscuit before bed with a cuddle and read a book.

OP, you just need to be stronger for 1 second longer than your DD is.
Just ignore (and be very busy with something else) for a second longer than she can scream - however long that may be.
But give her attention immediately and talk of something else with her when she quiets.

Another thing I did is pretend I can't hear anything when she's screaming. Of course not screaming with pain or anything - just this kind of behavioural screaming)
I say to her... 'sorry, can't hear anything... are you saying something?.. no.. ok' and just go about your business.

If his readers turn out like Prince Harry &c I’ll pass.

Too much repressed anger in them.

Not a single person has blamed the child.

I have 2 children with autism. They don’t scream about food, they just don’t eat it.

this is not, in anyway nd behaviour. Autistic children (and adults) don’t scream “to get their own way” they have an entirely different mechanism and response.

Thank you

There's a lot of information about what not to do, but remember to also tell her what to do. So don't just say "stop screaming, you aren't getting cheese," but say "use a nice voice when you talk to me, it's not okay to scream at me." Then you can have a conversation like "because you asked nicely, you can have a bit more cheese when you've eaten half."

Also, when you are not in the middle of it mention how nice she's being, how great it is she's stopped screaming. If you have a reward, link the two.

Good luck, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised how quickly she learns.

Just read your 6 year old has a phone..a toy one I hope? I honestly don't know a single of dd friends who has a phone aged 8. No way before secondary school surely.

I certainly hope your 6 year old doesn't have a phone, FFS. That would be an incredibly poor parenting decision.

Whoa, a six year old has a phone? As in a real one? It didn't occur to me in the original post that you didn't mean a toy. End that today, I'd say.

Yes!
grated cheese on buttery baby potatoes and salmon 😂

Six is so little still, and they need so much support at this age, as they start to grow out of being young children into kids. I would hazard a guess that she is screaming because she doesn’t have other ways to express herself, and that’s something as parents we can support with. Screaming can mean frustration, and if a child doesn’t know how to express feelings with words then they will express them with other behaviours. Could you talk with her when she’s getting upset and try and put a name to some of the possible feelings? Disappointment, anger, sadness, tired, wishing for something, confused etc etc. Talk it through with her, and let her know it’s hard to manage those feelings. ”It’s really hard when you want something so badly isn’t it? It must feel really disappointing”. etc etc etc. I think maybe you could also try giving her other ways to break the cycle of the screaming - cuddling her, or sitting nearby her quietly. Perhaps take out one of her books and sit near her and look at it. Or start doing a drawing. Something that might distract her away and that she might join you in. Not many words needed, just being there, ready to help her, giving her a low threshold way to come back into communicating calmly. She’s so little. Kids need us to help them manage this stuff. Of course, you should have boundaries and try and stick to what you’ve said and try not to let the screaming wear you down so much that you give in, but equally you can’t be like a machine, as some posts here are suggesting. Because then it’s just a power struggle that you ultimately ‘win’ because your daughter has stopped communicating, and she hasn’t been helped to find alternatives to the screaming. I have a screamer. The things I’ve described helped us all. The tough love no surrender approach did not. 💕