Dd screams for hours if she doesn't get her own way

[whatswiththerain]

We are so exhausted with it. We put her to bed and she (dd6) will demand a drink/snack/toy/phone and scream for hours refusing to go to bed until she gets what she wants.
Of course we try not to give in but she won't stop and there gets a point where we can't take any more and give in so when we try and be stronger the next time she just fights for longer.
It's every night and bedtime is just an example, tonight she had spaghetti bolognaise and wanted cheese on top she got that and ate the cheese first and screamed and refused to eat anymore without more cheese.
If we give a consequence she'll scream and scream about it and as much as we know giving in is the problem, it's become so much of a problem that it takes over the whole evening and nighttime until we are so exhausted with her we just have to give in because we have no energy left and need to go to bed.
I know we've done this ourselves but I don't know to change it now it's done.

It's not massively healthy or filling is probably why.

I sincerely hope that's a shit joke.

No thank you I am not interested in reading it but I really hope you are ok and get the help you need as this has triggered you so badly. Life can be hard Wishing you the best.

I was about to bring this up.

Someone said this is not autistic behaviour but it can be.

These are very similar behaviours to ones our eldest displayed.

letting him scream it out was NOT the answer.

reported. physical chastisement is both illegal and abusive and your response is deeply inappropriate.

It sounds awful and I really feel for you. In the absence of any immediate professional help, you are probably going to need to go down the very difficult route of ignoring a screaming 6yo who's had way more practise perfecting her screaming stamina than you have at ignoring it.

We used 1-2-3 Magic which was very good and clear for my son. I found all the info online and it was very effective.

But you must tackle this, either by yourself or with some professional help. If your child behaves like this with other people they will be ostracised. There's plenty of threads on here about 'friends' who tantrum and sulk, mostly the advice is to cut them off. How is she going to manage her emotions in a relationship? Why would a partner stay when there are plenty more people out there to choose from who don't scream? Will your eldest escape to a more peaceful environment as soon as they can? Will your eldest have a relationship with their sister?

Do you take a phone to bed, her older sister? You need to ban screens from bedrooms, if not completely restrict use at home. If it is an option for none of you it ceases to be a bargaining tool. Does she like sharing her room(or does her sister)?

Not all all. I do wish you well. I know how things can trigger a person and a child. I do hope you are ok but I will not respond to you a ymore as I do not want to derail OP's thread. Be gentle with your self and best wishes for a better day.

I agree with this. Strong boundaries are good, regardless of whether ND or NT but I was advised by a child therapist when my daughter was still going through this at 8 years old to stay with her through the big emotions. It can be very scary for her when you leave (which was all I wanted to do as the noise was awful and draining). Sometimes its the child that behaves the worst and pushes you away the most that needs you the most. But at the same time don't give in, help her to regulate herself by knowing that your boundaries will remain even though you still love her and are there for her. Its hard when you have another child but it will get easier. Good luck.

But she wants cheese, not the rest of the meal. Why cant she have the cheese.

I don't believe cheese alone is a suitable meal. I'd enjoy just slice of cake more than eating my dinner but that doesn't mean I should just eat that.

I have two children bought up the same. NT child was very compliant. Other child only recently diagnosed with ASD very set on things and immovable both as a young child and teen. We utilised strategies regularly used for youngsters with autism and as a result things were more manageable aged 7 onwards

@Vavazoom Sounds so similar, we’ve been investigating Pans/pandas

If she’s eating dinner at 5 and going to bed at 7 why would she need supper?

You can get amazon kindle accounts for children that let you time how long they can have them for each day- really helpful in reducing the constant dopamine hit they get dependant on with non stop apps and useful in boundary setting as you can block access for a day or make it contingent on reasonable balehavour if that's your thing.

Your situation is likely to have been completely different. You clearly have unresolved issues and it’s unfair to project this on to the OP who has come on here asking for advice not for hostile remarks. Im
also a bit concerned that you don’t understand neuroscience or have misinterpreted it massively if you think a 6 year old can’t manipulate. My own experiences and training suggests clearly that they can!

@Baffled78 Strange irony in you preaching about peoples inner Nazis whilst speaking the way you have on this thread.

I do take the point about the phone, I think we'll reconsider that.

Was she eating any of the pasta?

Maybe channel Miss Trunchball and present her with a block of cheese on her plate for tomorrow's dinner?