Do some mums just not like working?

[Dragontooth]

I know this sounds awful, and judgey but I'm trying to understand. I am not a benefit basher and I used to be on benefits, also a single parent.
I'm on a lot of 'being skint' forums, I was on UC but now I have quite a lot of experience in various things so I like to try to help.
There are a number of mums who were previously on legacy benefits who are terrified by UC and the work search appointments. Lots who are unemployed and some who do very part time jobs, 10 hours or less.
I don't understand why they are so resistant to finding work or better paid work. Having been on benefits, it is a horrible existence. I was paid £850 per month. Clearly it would only take a MW part time job to make me so much better off. And they pay for childcare/ holiday club.
It literally changes your life. You can pay for things to have a better, easier life like driving lessons. Not only that but you are back in the work place so it's not such a shock when your children leave home.
I feel these women are so anxious, they can't see how their lives could look with more money/ options. Not only that but a lot of them have their heads in the sand about retirement, will we even get a state pension? Then there's the fact that it's so much harder getting back into employment after five or ten years out, I think that's what UC wants to avoid. I'm not saying it's a kind or person centred system but in reality is taking years out of the workplace really in these women's best interests either?
Disability/ disabled children obviously excluded.

You’re going to get your arse handed to you. But yes, I think some just don’t want to work.

wait till you hear the reasons coming your way on this thread..

I feel anxious going back to work after a fortnight holiday. I imagine if you've been out of work for years and perhaps didn't have high self confidence beforehand that it could seem insurmountable.

The view will be they should be able to choose, but I personally think yes they should be working. I was a single mum on benefits years ago, I’ve had to work my way out of that and onto a good salary. It didn’t happen overnight, but it didn’t mean spending years on benefits either, a life style choice. They should be a stop gap, apart from those who genuinely can’t work for health reasons.

I see you point to an extent - some people really can’t envisage a better life than they have - but I don’t think it’s just mums. It’s lots of different people.

If you haven’t worked for a very long time it must be a very daunting thought I guess.

I haven’t got any experience of UC myself, but I wonder if the work coaching etc is actually very useful in respect of teaching people the skills they’ll need to manage a working life.

I don’t work because of my own health difficulties and trying to manage a large family. It would stress me out because it would overwhelm me and would then affect my parenting so I dont Work in order to manage and pace my life to avoid autistic burnout

I think some people just don’t like working, not sure it’s particularly mums.

The reasons they don’t like working are varied and often complex.

Working full time when you have kids is quite often a logistical nightmare in terms of childcare especially if you're a single mum or don't have any family support.

I think it's the problem solving aspect, like finding wraparound care, like planning ahead for things like holidays or inset days. That's what UC should focus on, and also finding work that the person actually wants to do.

You aren't necessarily better off on NMW. For those who can only work 20 hours or less, you only need sick days and you are worse off. Such a big change can be scary, it gets worse as time passes. For children 8-11, finding holiday childcare can be impossible.

With UC, you get sanctioned if you don't do the work search commitments... and that can include waste of time stuff like being made to apply for a HGV driver job when you can't even drive. And all the horror stories about awful work coaches (before anyone flames me - mine was fab).
So in that respect, I can understand why anyone would be nervous.

It's not just mums, but I am a part time working mum and I can tell you that it adds an extra layer of difficulty to being an employee. Child sickness/inset days/parent meetings/3 weeks of half days at the start of reception are not covered by one single mum's holiday allowance and a lot of full time workers think part time equals part committed. Part time roles are often not in 9-5 hours. I get passed over all the time because it's assumed I won't be able to travel or go to overnight conferences.

Some days it feels like the best of both worlds but others, like today, it feels like the worst.

@Ponoka7 but that's what I mean, it gets scarier as you and your children get older. Much better to go back when they're little, plus nursery hours are generally much longer than school. It's better to prove yourself when they're younger and then you can cut back a bit when they start school.

I don't like working.

So I have Air B&Bs and we outsource everything.

My husband used to work a lot until he sold his company.

Now we don't work, live off our Air B&Bs and we are around for all of our kids.

Living a nice simple life.

I can't imagine working for someone, being told I can't have a day off to watch my child at sports day etc.

X

Yes many woman have children with the intention of not having to work then for many many years.

The kiss at the end made me giggle.

X

Work is a necessity.
Not working is a luxury.😊
X

@dairyfairy21 but the world relies on people working. The person who served your coffee might be missing their child's sports day. The bank cashier might have only had two hours sleep as they have a nine month old. If no parents worked, what would happen?

I don’t think it’s exclusive to mams.

But with regards to mams returning to work, I don’t think it’s quite as simple as being better off.

I was a stay at home mam for while. Although not on benefits, and while we had to live within our means, we weren’t anywhere close the breadline. When I went back to work we were financially better off, obviously, but our life is so much more stressful, and a lot of ways, harder. School holidays are a nightmare. Evenings are stressful and rushed, we struggle to they the kids in bed at a time that’s best for them. I got stuck on a motorway the same day my husband’s trains were all cancelled. Rather than being picked up at 420pm, my eldest was stuck at afterschool club until 630 (fortunately the wonderful staff stayed back). My littlest hurt himself while at childcare, and needed to be checked at hospital, it took us over an hour to get to him. None of these things were ever an issue before I was working.
‘Better’ is sometimes subjective, and for some people I think work just moves the anxiety/worry about money,

I've always worked but I think modern day life can be very difficult for women if men aren't on board with doing their fair share with childcare and house work. Previously families could afford a SAHM on one wage but that is no longer the case.

Make your own coffee?

A lot of mothers, especially single mothers, are so exhausted and stressed they're barely able to get through each day. Motherhood can be physically and mentally and emotionally shattering. To fit in hours of work each day on top of travel, housework, shopping, the mental and emotional load of parenting, etc. etc. leaves no time for things essential for mental health.

Of course, for some it's not so hard, because some have very different lives/bodies/experiences/situations/etc., so people like that perhaps don't understand that not everybody has their energy levels, their amount of sleep, their physical fitness, their mental health, their situation, etc., but for a very great many this is the case and they're already at the limit of what they can cope with.

On top of this, remember the Universal Credit system isn't supportive: it's intended to frighten people. It's based on threats, sanctions, and constant stressful meetings usually arranged at difficult or impossible times.

Add to that that childcare is difficult to find, work fitting school hours incredibly difficult to find (regulations ensuring employers had to fit school hours better would help), and many children are very distressed by long hours in school or childcare...plus the fact that many people are distressed not being able to spend time with their children (as working full time you only really see them for homework and bed, then have to spend the weekend trying to rest plus do all the chores that were meant to be done during the week)...

There are some reasons.

Also, many if not most jobs are very stressful indeed, so, added to the stress of parenting, can tip people over the edge.

Again, some people find jobs they enjoy or can at least bear with reasonable employers and have suitable childcare, but there are plenty who can't.

The anxiety and fear of being told you'll lose everything (money to survive, home, possibly your children if you're made homeless) due to not being able to meet Universal Credit criteria adds enormously to all of this.

I’m in and out of work a lot, I might look lazy, but actually it’s that it’s me or nothing for childcare. No flexibility or availability for childcare around here, I’ve 4 kids, two who have to be shoved into school. Pt is like finding a unicorn anywhere near here. When dh tries to help we argue even more/ he gets into trouble too!

Sometimes the jobs available to you are shit though. They are hard and unpleasant and you get stressed trying to juggle childcare and come home exhausted.

I'm not going to get into a morality argument, but I can see why living off a smaller amount and not working might feel preferable to a bigger amount and working, depending on the job.

I actually really like work but my jobs are pretty pleasant.

I work part time in a school five days a week and get paid £1k a month. I'd take the £850 of benefits and not have the added stress or raising three kids AND working part time to be honest. I don't get the best of either world at the moment and never get a break for a crap salary.

So you have made those choices in life that affect me and my taxes?