Do some mums just not like working?

[Dragontooth]

I know this sounds awful, and judgey but I'm trying to understand. I am not a benefit basher and I used to be on benefits, also a single parent.
I'm on a lot of 'being skint' forums, I was on UC but now I have quite a lot of experience in various things so I like to try to help.
There are a number of mums who were previously on legacy benefits who are terrified by UC and the work search appointments. Lots who are unemployed and some who do very part time jobs, 10 hours or less.
I don't understand why they are so resistant to finding work or better paid work. Having been on benefits, it is a horrible existence. I was paid £850 per month. Clearly it would only take a MW part time job to make me so much better off. And they pay for childcare/ holiday club.
It literally changes your life. You can pay for things to have a better, easier life like driving lessons. Not only that but you are back in the work place so it's not such a shock when your children leave home.
I feel these women are so anxious, they can't see how their lives could look with more money/ options. Not only that but a lot of them have their heads in the sand about retirement, will we even get a state pension? Then there's the fact that it's so much harder getting back into employment after five or ten years out, I think that's what UC wants to avoid. I'm not saying it's a kind or person centred system but in reality is taking years out of the workplace really in these women's best interests either?
Disability/ disabled children obviously excluded.

But if it’s a lower amount they’ll have some time to be at home ?

Maybe if they have an ex actually paying as well that maintenance could go towards the aet for single parents only ?

Sorry I’m not sure what you mean

I’m not talking about ex’s who may or may not contribute, I’m just discussing the UC side of things which I think is unfair

If their aet is lower - they need to earn less so less hours so they would be able to have more time at home / work less hours than the working partner of a couple who is covering the couples aet amount

I know but the maintenance issue does need sorting out and if they did then those that are receiving maintenance could have some or all of it contributing to their aet which would help them

I have no idea what the AET is for single people but more time at home isn’t the same as full time at home is it?

No but would be fairer than the current system . You can’t have everything but the gap could certainly be narrowed to make it fairer

Maybe the age at which the aet requirement kicks in could be different for a single parent v a couple eg 5 for a SP and 3 for couples (as they would have childcare sorted with the non working parent) that could even it up totally

Is that fair though? I mean, I have worked full time and part time seasonally for many years as a single parent. Yet you hear of many couples - without caring responsibilities - somehow struggling to manage one full time job between them or even if working full time, struggling to find themselves a second job to bring in extra cash. Yet I manage that on my own with no family support (or ex support). So my question is, if I can do that alone on challenging circumstances, why can’t a couple? Surely they have, as a couple, way more opportunities to make it work than a single person? Surely they can work round each other? Shift work, over night work, unusual hours etc etc should all be possible, way more possible, than it is for one person to manage, surely? Half doesn’t feel fair. Maybe 40% of what a couple are expected to do?

Maintenance does need sorting out, but it’s a separate issue

This really.
@notbelieved thank you for providing a text book example of the point Im trying to get across (whilst simultaneously cooking Sunday lunch)

But it could be sorted out and then made relevant to UC so that it helps single parents

I do think single parents should have a much lower AET than it is to be honest. You might think we have it easier but with no family nearby we find it quite difficult. Sometimes the single parents I know seem to have a lot more opportunities to work or have free leisure time than I do!

But there’s 2 of you? Sure, my ex took our children every other weekend but try finding an every other weekend job! And are you seriously suggesting a single parent shouldn’t have opportunities to pursue some kind of leisure activity? Because what I am reading there is actually, you just can get yourself organised or you have a partner that doesn’t pull their weight. Instead, it’s easier to look at others and think you should have e the same as them, despite different circumstances?

I actually work weekends and my husband works full time so try not to presume too much next time. We have done that for years. I actually didn't suggest that single parents shouldn't have free time but that the ones I know seem to have more opportunity to work more or have more leisure. That is just a fact. We have no grandparents or family nearby. I am just challenging the presumption that it is always easier for couples because there is two of you.

It is absolutely easier when there are 2 of you. You can work around each other. I'm a lone parent working full time with no grandparents help, if I can do it a couple certainly can.

I’m not sure how that would be remotely possible

Yes. I don't get a break though unless work is classed as one? 😄

Yes easier with 2 people

I do now as my child is older thankfully 🤣 but I didn't used to.

You could have a break though in theory. Your partner could look after the kids while you do something. I never had that at all as my ex is not involved with DS at all. Obviously I'm sure your time as a "couple" is probably limited which is difficult but you at least have someone there if you needed to pop out to the shops or make a cup of tea in peace.

Yes this. I always worked part-time as a single parent and it was a huge juggle with sickness and school holidays. I used to take at least 3 weeks unpaid leave a year which wasn't ideal.

It also decreases your chances of promotion at work I found with (often male) full-timers getting pay rises and promotions.

Fleeceyhat
Yes when I went to my ‘pick your disability’ appointment I chose autism, situational mutism, adhd , pots, ME and severe asthma . I really enjoy feeling like this and being able to claim PIP and LCWRA ……

I have every one of those things and a lot more. I literally can't get out of bed most days, but I work full time, from home.

@WalkingonWheels

It's such a shame that there has been a massive push back to the office for so many jobs that could be done at home.

@BurntBroccoli hard as it is, you are doing the right thing. No one can count on benefits lasting forever.

Except in situations where you are dealing with disabilities or caring responsibilities for elderly parents, or perhaps some jobs where 24 hour on call may be required, every-changing shift patterns, partners on active military service….it is difficult to see where 2 people are going to struggle with juggling family life, working and leisure time more than one. I mean logically, if all any family needed was to bring in one full time wage, a couple has double the opportunity to do that over one person. And like I say, if I can work more than full time with no support, it is difficult to have sympathy for couples struggling with one job between them.

I am interested in all these single parents you factually know but who also seem to have more time to work than you. Key word you used is ‘seem’. What you are probably seeing is women with no other option than to work to keep the roof over their heads and food in their children’s tummies. And who get a weekend off now and again when the ex has the children. Or maybe the odd week where the ex takes the children on holiday. It is most amusing how women in relationships class this as lesiure time, time off, or just time for having fun because they don’t get the same. My ‘free time’ has always been used to clean, deep clean, rearrange, go to the bank, go shopping, work, paint and decorate, go to the hairdressers, get the car MOT’d etc etc etc. and yes, I even go out with friends. How dare I, eh?!

I am sorry if my tone is off. I have spent years on this site being told I’m a terrible person because I’m single, that my children must be feral, stupid and amounting to nothing, because I’’m single. That I have tons of free time and oodles of lovely free handouts to help me when the reality is I’ve done the job of two people, worked myself into the ground for years to be told by people in relationships I have lesiure time they don’t and it’s hard being in a couple. I know it’s not a bed of roses being in a couple - it’s largely why I remain single - but just think logically about how different it is to parent and work as part of a couple than parent and work as a single person.