Do some mums just not like working?

[Dragontooth]

I know this sounds awful, and judgey but I'm trying to understand. I am not a benefit basher and I used to be on benefits, also a single parent.
I'm on a lot of 'being skint' forums, I was on UC but now I have quite a lot of experience in various things so I like to try to help.
There are a number of mums who were previously on legacy benefits who are terrified by UC and the work search appointments. Lots who are unemployed and some who do very part time jobs, 10 hours or less.
I don't understand why they are so resistant to finding work or better paid work. Having been on benefits, it is a horrible existence. I was paid £850 per month. Clearly it would only take a MW part time job to make me so much better off. And they pay for childcare/ holiday club.
It literally changes your life. You can pay for things to have a better, easier life like driving lessons. Not only that but you are back in the work place so it's not such a shock when your children leave home.
I feel these women are so anxious, they can't see how their lives could look with more money/ options. Not only that but a lot of them have their heads in the sand about retirement, will we even get a state pension? Then there's the fact that it's so much harder getting back into employment after five or ten years out, I think that's what UC wants to avoid. I'm not saying it's a kind or person centred system but in reality is taking years out of the workplace really in these women's best interests either?
Disability/ disabled children obviously excluded.

You can't choose not to work on UC.

Absolutely spot on.

It depends on the job surely. I think working at least part-time is generally beneficial but if we're honest the work has to be reasonably well-paid to make it worthwhile to pay for the childcare to allow both parents to work, especially if there are two or more young children. And parents of disabled children or children with special or additional needs are far and away the cheapest carers for those children - if those parents insisted on working a "proper" job, as some might term it, the state would have to shell out a shed-load of money in a lot of cases to pay for suitable care and often it isn't even available.

Re the "what about the dads?" chorus, it is sadly still this case that working mothers by and large get a much worse deal than working fathers. Who wants to spend all of their waking hours being a drudge? Sadly that is the lot of too many women. Sorting this out and moving to a system where men share 50/50 responsibility for childcare and housework (including mental load and taking ownership of it) when at home will go a long way to giving women more energy and confidence to succeed in the workplace.

You are 100% correct, the system is so flawed

I do, yes. I don't see having to work from home as a privilege. I see it as a massive downgrade from my career, which I loved and would go back to tomorrow, if I could. But I have to work, because I have bills to pay.

I have five diagnosed, severe and highly medicated mental illnesses. As well as neurodiversity and multiple physical disabilities. Sometimes, yes, I do think some disabled people who won't work are lazy. Not all of them by any stretch, but some. As are some non-disabled people who won't work.

I think the op was very clear she excluded disabilities. Not sure why so many folks are then posting they don’t work as they habe disabilities.

You absolutely are better off working and I'm a UC claimant.

Care is an actual paid job though? Are you suggesting forcing people to do it for below minimum wage? Surely that just further reduces the perceived value of the already grossly underpaid role?

Also, these kind of schemes can actually cost jobs. The park and green spaces near us used to be maintained by council staff. The majority of the work now is done my a youth offending charity. It’s a great opportunity for those lads, but led to redundancies because the council saw a way to save money.

I'm a nurse in a GP practice, I often have requests for sick notes for mums with children who just don't feel able to work due to "anxiety and stress" I find it very hard to be sympathetic sometimes as I have a young child and have worked full time from the moment my maternity leave ended. We have no option but to put him into child care before and after school, it's shit and I feel such guilt in the evenings when he asks for me to sit with him just for a 5 minutes but giving up work or reducing hours just isn't an option or justifiable, to be a functional member of society you need to contribute and im sure lots of these mums would be so much better physically and mentally if they found a job.. I pay so much tax and NI a month it breaks my soul looking at my wageslip.

Its just really really hard to navigate primary age children and everything that needs juggling.
I have a primary age child, have worked in a high end job for 27 years earning decent money. I have done the lion share if life admin, school holidays and running around while maintaining that job. 2 years ago my husband died suddenly. Ive been on sabbatical and now looking to return to work, Due to a change of position on office working while ive been off by my employer ( who is a major employer in the uk) I am no longer able to fulfil my role, no fault of my own, established within the company, earning good money... all that work for nearly decades down the drain because they wont allow me to complete my role from home as I have for the previous 3 years. All because I do not have a solution to enable me to be in an office an hour away.
I wont be on benefits but if I needed to be then my motivation to get off then would be low when the odds are stacked against parents of young children.

and there is the flaw in capitalism all about the ££

@SouthLondonMum22 well some adult parent needs to be with the child every day to actively look after them so it could be a Dad's job, yes.

However women are often great at looking after their own children and want to do it, their children tend to agree, but if you want men to take that off us too so we can go out and work for some poxy corporation making other men wealthy instead of raising the children we love then go ahead and keep asking these questions every time anyone ever says being a Mum is a full time job of note, worth and responsibility.

Rant over.

Thought this thread was about lazy Mums, not Dads.

Indeed. And working is expensive. Travel, clothes, not having the time to look after the pennies. If you're in a low-income job and trying to keep all the plates spinning, it's easy to see how working might push you over the edge. It just takes one bout of illness from a child resulting in unpaid leave and still having to pay nursery costs and then your finances are shot to pieces.

It’s really not that simple I wish it was

I’m a single parent. I’m disabled with severe debilitating pain so I cannot work at the moment even though I want to. But if I was able to work - I would not be able to anyway. My child is autistic and can only do 2 and a half hours of school each day.

also how do single mums on minimum wage pay for school holidays or have the time to have out of work when their children are sick? Or even find jobs that work around school hours - and as a single mum do a fulltime job as well as looking after the children, shopping, cleaning etc single handedly - it’s exhausting and physically not possible to do everything on your own without feeling some sort of impact on your physical and mental health.

I do have to work. Do you realise how much disability benefits are? I get £400 a month on higher rate for both elements, and a WAV that's essential for me to have.

Do you think that's a living wage? £400? For my housing, bills, food and everything else I need? That £400 a month is supposed to go on the extra costs of being disabled, but it has to be used on normal life.

I'm not entitled to anything else. Not a penny. Because I dared to get married. Perhaps you should run along and educate yourself.

Yes that’s why she works.

I know. And I went out and got all my disabilities, just so I could complain on Mumsnet 😂

People have no idea how the benefit system works for disabled people.

Do you honestly think there’s anyone working full time with 3 dc who isn’t exhausted?

i do think you lose confidence. Going back after a year’s mat leave was hard and finding well paid part time work is hard unless you started with a full time job and reduce hours but keep the hourly rate.

I believe working is usually better for people’s mental health (although not in toxic workplaces). I’ve seen mums who focus purely on dc struggle once dc are teens and off out. But, it’s hard to feel confident and go for jobs - interviews are horrendous.

I'm a lone parent working full time and managed fine, you get most of your childcare paid for if you're on minimum wage. Although my child is older now so doesn't need childcare.

I'd rather shit from a great height on people who hide their wealth overseas or people who cheerfully accepted all sorts of welfare, like free bus passes, winter fuel allowance, etc, even though they could well afford to pay their way (or avoid buses). Or people who fleeced the country with the help of the Tory government during covid - the cronies who got contracts for PPE that were worth billions.££££££££££.

Yes it can be hard, it's definitely not easy! But it's doable!

It's a lifestyle choice.