Do some mums just not like working?

[Dragontooth]

I know this sounds awful, and judgey but I'm trying to understand. I am not a benefit basher and I used to be on benefits, also a single parent.
I'm on a lot of 'being skint' forums, I was on UC but now I have quite a lot of experience in various things so I like to try to help.
There are a number of mums who were previously on legacy benefits who are terrified by UC and the work search appointments. Lots who are unemployed and some who do very part time jobs, 10 hours or less.
I don't understand why they are so resistant to finding work or better paid work. Having been on benefits, it is a horrible existence. I was paid £850 per month. Clearly it would only take a MW part time job to make me so much better off. And they pay for childcare/ holiday club.
It literally changes your life. You can pay for things to have a better, easier life like driving lessons. Not only that but you are back in the work place so it's not such a shock when your children leave home.
I feel these women are so anxious, they can't see how their lives could look with more money/ options. Not only that but a lot of them have their heads in the sand about retirement, will we even get a state pension? Then there's the fact that it's so much harder getting back into employment after five or ten years out, I think that's what UC wants to avoid. I'm not saying it's a kind or person centred system but in reality is taking years out of the workplace really in these women's best interests either?
Disability/ disabled children obviously excluded.

Mums already have a job - the clue is in the name "Mum", so they probably resent having to do two jobs.

Raising children doesn't happen by osmosis you know, it takes full time work.

Having a large family seems a curious choice then.

I think everyone should be working, unless they are too disabled, or can be self-sufficient without relying on government support.

I'm disabled and mostly completely housebound. Mostly bedbound, actually. I work full time. I have to. We can't survive on benefits. If I can work, most people can work. They just don't want to, and our benefits system makes it easy not to have to work.

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I had my first 2 dc when i was very young (I’d been in the care system and had a very bad time prior to that) so that wasn’t the best in terms of decisions . Then I had a multiple birth with my last (unplanned ) pregnancy which I didn’t know about till I was in my second trimester as I though the nausea and fainting was due to pre existing conditions

I've been a single parent on benefits, and a single parent with a full time job.

Both had their own stresses and issues.

Although I'd currently love to be well enough to work again.

but then the problem is companys want profit if you had 99% of people fully employed then doing what , considering theres only so much profits to be made doing x,y,z otherwise why are companys axing staff etc

Survival isn’t the aim, what a dismal view of life.

I have every one of those things and a lot more. I literally can't get out of bed most days, but I work full time, from home.

but it proves the point that we only need certain industries for the survival of humanity and the rest is pure capitalism

Most people I know started their working lives with a similar mindset. But when you become disabled/have disabled DC that becomes more difficult. You are privileged. My life was much easier when I worked full time with DC in wrap around care. I still work FWIW, albeit part time, but I can see how this country makes working incredibly difficult for many women.

My DC are grown up but I would give up work tomorrow if I could. I never had a burning desire for a career. I got one out of necessity. In that if I was going to have to work I wanted to make damn sure it would at least pay for some "luxuries". Not that I'm a particularly high earner or anything but being able to afford some treats, holidays etc.

I've known many people who worked full time but barely made ends meet. Some would have been no worse off on benefits. If I was in that scenario I'd just not work tbh. I don't need work for any kind of fulfilment or "pride".

I liked being at home with mine when they were preschoolers. I could have happily stayed a sahm but finances dictated otherwise. But I'm glad I had those years with them. Likewise when they were at primary I only worked school hours. Don't regret it for a second. I have many happy memories of that time. I have very few happy work memories!

Exactly, people say "why don't you go on benefits then?" Err because I do have some pride? 🤣 Even the fact that people get thousands of pounds paid to their rent if they are on UC is ridiculous to me, if you can't afford where you live just move to an affordable place and get a full time job. People take benefits as if they were there to accommodate their lifestyle choices (I.e. working a handful for hours a week). It should be only for people that really need it. No wonder why the general services are in such a terrible state if most funding goes to social care.

It also takes money.

Ah here we go. "I am disabled and can work, so anyone who is not working is lazy etc".
I take it you have an employer who was happy to take you on and make adjustments? Not all employers are like that, and not all jobs would even allow you to do that.
A disabled mum who had been out of the workplace for years is not going to land a cushy WFH job when all she did previous was a cleaning job.

Really, I love being a parent. I never ever saw it as work.

Perhaps people who can work but won't, should be given their benefits in exchange for services. Befriending services for the elderly, care, charity work, outdoor maintenance. There is a wealth of things people could do. But they don't want to and there would be uproar if it was ever suggested.

I had an extended maternity leave due to redundancy and lack of decent jobs locally that I had experience in.
I lost a big part of myself. I became insufferably boring, anxious and neurotic. It took a lot of effort to get back into work but thank god I did. I dread to think of the mother I’d have been if I’d stayed jobless. I can see how these generational cycles start.

Does that not apply to dads as well?

Being on benefits is crap. It sucks all the confidence and self-worth out of you. It makes you less employable. You must attend job interviews and sell yourself having been treated like worthless scum every step of the way. Such a contradictory message!

I have two jobs and still get UC. I think we're all mad. This is not what life is for, there's nothing noble about wasting the best years of your life doing something that's shit, insecure, and working against your life goals and still not be able to pay the bills afterwards. UBI and a 4 day week advocate here! Let's allow people the space and the time to find something fulfilling too.

My life would be a lot simpler if I didn't work. I get up at 5.30am, get ready, say bye to my 13 and 10 year old who now walk to school, at 6.30. At work from 7am-6pm. Then come home, cook dinner, spend time with them. Gym 2 days a week to keep me fit. Often I work evenings and weekends. Luckily I love my job. I love saving up for a day out with my own money.

Parenting in poverty sounds grim and soul destroying. Education gives women choices

Everyone with autism is different that’s my biggest challenge and I know I need to prioritise my parenting and not become burnt out

I do like working but would like to work a few less hours. Full time working single mum with a very stressful job is really hard and I'm pretty exhausted mostly. I work to pay the bills and there isn't a lot left for nice things. I wouldn't want to be on benefits though

No it’s not. Because most of us want to do more than just survive, it might be your aim, but many of us want to do other things, travel, meals out, education, drinks, nice clothes, hair done. Whatever.