Do some mums just not like working?

[Dragontooth]

I know this sounds awful, and judgey but I'm trying to understand. I am not a benefit basher and I used to be on benefits, also a single parent.
I'm on a lot of 'being skint' forums, I was on UC but now I have quite a lot of experience in various things so I like to try to help.
There are a number of mums who were previously on legacy benefits who are terrified by UC and the work search appointments. Lots who are unemployed and some who do very part time jobs, 10 hours or less.
I don't understand why they are so resistant to finding work or better paid work. Having been on benefits, it is a horrible existence. I was paid £850 per month. Clearly it would only take a MW part time job to make me so much better off. And they pay for childcare/ holiday club.
It literally changes your life. You can pay for things to have a better, easier life like driving lessons. Not only that but you are back in the work place so it's not such a shock when your children leave home.
I feel these women are so anxious, they can't see how their lives could look with more money/ options. Not only that but a lot of them have their heads in the sand about retirement, will we even get a state pension? Then there's the fact that it's so much harder getting back into employment after five or ten years out, I think that's what UC wants to avoid. I'm not saying it's a kind or person centred system but in reality is taking years out of the workplace really in these women's best interests either?
Disability/ disabled children obviously excluded.

When you say "they pay for childcare" who are they? A lot of people making MW will not get childcare paid for if they have a live in partner. A lot of people just don't want to work even if they are in theory better off, because working full time comes with so much stress and expense of arranging childcare, while being stressed with work as well, these people get much more help than just the payment they get for not working (UC or tax credits or whatever is called these days), they get help with uniforms, school meals (even during school holidays- they get vouchers) if there is any discretionary funding in schools this goes to low income families (this means free outings, trips), if there are any council or federal government t grants these will invariably go to low income families too. I honestly think I if you are in less than £25k a year it makes little sense to work if you have 2 or more kids. Yeah, the pension thing is another issue but guess what? People that have nothing (no house to their name, no savings and no private pension) because they got by on working 8 hours a week and being "topped up" are the ones that will get help in the future too, they will get government pensions, council houses, and free care in their elderly years and help with fuel payments, whilst anyone currently working 40 hours a week on a 30k + job and scraping by because we have to pay into our private pensions, student loans and pay for our ridiculous mortgages will get nothing, no government pensions , no help, and they will make us sell our houses to pay for our own care.

UC pays for wraparound care at school here. So you can have 7.30am to 6pm paid for. So wraparound care isn't the reason. It's choosing not to put their kids in wraparound.

Whereas some of us don't have a choice.

I've not been on benefits but I suspect it's just a lot easier and less stressful? Looking back, I should have just taken a few years off and the hit in income. I'm a haggard wreck now. Especially if you can 'get by' financially.

Plus some people just hustle their way through life, making do, getting a bit of help here and there, living simply and frugally. The benefit system supports that to a degree.

To answer your question I'm a mum, I work and no I don't like it.

A particular type of economy might rely on that, but if that's so, it's probably not the most sensible sort of economy to have, is it?

Actually childrearing is very essential work indeed, a lot more important than serving coffee, which is a luxury.

Until recently, single parents had benefits until their children were 16 and before that many mothers didn't do paid work and the economy wasn't in a particularly worse state.

Welcome to Mumsnet! Great conversation starter for your first 24 hrs on the site.

I've been on benefits and is definitely much, much harder and more stressful than working (and I'm not in a cushy job). I think that's pretty much agreed on by everyone I know who's been on benefits.

I think there are a lot of barriers in some jobs to women working full time. I count myself extremely lucky I am a teacher and my dc attend my school. I have no childcare at all and never miss any events. Lots of teachers in my school with young families all just took mat leave and returned straight away.
Most jobs are not like this though and I see friends juggling holidays and half days with difficulty.
But ultimately you are right there are a cohort of people who don't want to work and nothing to make it accessible will change their mind. Its often generational and expected within the family.( Not talking about a sahm with a family income )

DD isn’t quite one and I decided to stay ‘home’ until our youngest child is two.

I somewhat enjoyed my career. I like earning a good salary, the challenges, being proud of my work… but, I always knew I wanted to be a mum. Going to uni/getting a career was just a thing until I found a man I wanted to marry/settle down with. We have a lifestyle/savings that we can support on one salary too.

I’m keeping half an eye out for a role that’s part-time (as in a few hours a day) and fully remote. I am slightly worried that I won’t be able to pick up my career where I left off. However, I love that I exclusively breast feed DD, she only contact naps and I’ve never left her to cry it out/sleep train. Once she doesn’t really need me I’ll be climbing the greasy pole again.

Unfortunately I think it’s harder for women who may not already have a career/work experience to fall back upon to start again once been at home for years…

@Fleeceyhat has autism, which is a disability. I am pretty sure she did not choose to have that. And she could well suffer burnout without kids too.

Different reasons. A lot of it is lack of confidence. IMHO. I'll never cope with housework, kids demands and work too. And then people get used to a certain lifestyle if folk live life at a comparatively leisurly pace with little stress I can see why folk are reluctant to commit to working if there is an option not to.

I have a DC with SEN that cannot cope with the wrap around, we've tried many times in many different ways. I'm lucky to have a flexible WFH job but I'd really struggle to find another job that works around my DC if I lost this job. Many schools do not have that level of wrap around care.

The COVID-19 pandemic served as a stark reminder of what truly constitutes essential services in modern society. During global lockdowns, it became clear that humanity can function with a core set of industries—those that meet our basic needs, such as supermarkets, healthcare, utilities, and supply chains for essential goods.

These sectors are fundamental for the survival and well-being of communities, ensuring that people have access to food, medical care, and critical infrastructure. In contrast, many other industries, while valuable to economic activity and quality of life, are not necessary for the immediate survival of society. Services like entertainment, hospitality, and luxury goods, though integral to modern lifestyles, were revealed to be dispensable in times of crisis.

This divide between essential and non-essential services underscores the fact that much of what we consider vital in everyday life is, in reality, a luxury. In moments of extreme societal disruption, we rely on a much narrower set of functions that sustain life, proving that the world can indeed operate on a minimalist framework when necessary.

I don't like working no

Everyone's situation is different. Work pays if you have a well paid job and still earn decent money after childcare or have family support. If you have a low paid job and need to pay childcare for several children, work becomes less attractive. Children are only young for a small part of life. I think there should be more help for people rentering the job market after a career break. Life is long, why can people take time out to care for their kids but still be able to re-enter the job market and progress, it's not all or nothing. We are working up to 67 years old these days, what's 10 years out to do something useful.

100% this
DH and I lived abroad for years, there is a huge benefits issue in the uk.
There is no incentive to work hard and achieve. Squeezed middle are the worse off, slogging our guts out and wondering if we can afford to put the heating on.

All of this.

I don't want to work. I think working 9-5 is a waste of life, I think its boring and not worth it. Time is more valuable to me than money.

Fwiw I care for my 2 disabled children and the thought of work terrifies me.

@Floralspecscase, can you tell me how you found it harder? Not because I don't believe you but because I clearly lack insight, and I'd like to understand

But that is if you are on universal credit right? If you were working more hours = making more money = no UC = no childcare paid for! It's idiotic

Mothering is work.

I think it's the problem solving aspect, like finding wraparound care, like planning ahead for things like holidays or inset days

Or maybe at this stage on their lives they are choosing to be homemakers - it is a valid option. I know that in choosing this they are relying on the state for a period of time and this is not ideal, but it seems unfair that someone with a wage-earning OH can make this choice and no-one else. Finding (probably low paid) work and child care puts a family under stress which is not good for the children or indeed for anyone. Women in a situation where there is no partner to step and up face their responsibilities have very difficult choices to make and limited options.

Once the children are older then more options might open up for them.

In what ways is it much harder?

Yes when I went to my ‘pick your disability’ appointment I chose autism, situational mutism, adhd , pots, ME and severe asthma . I really enjoy feeling like this and being able to claim PIP and LCWRA ……

I imagine it's very complex. I live in a world where not working and living on benefits isn't an option. I have a professional job and earn good money. Parents were the same. My job is part of my identity and I can't relate to people who choose not to work. Not in a judgey way, I just don't get it. But I had a part time job the minute I was 15 because I wanted more money. And worked through uni, then graduated and got a job. I can't imagine my life being funded in any other way than me working for it. I have kids and have to juggle a lot but to me that's just life. It's not a reason not to work.