I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

[Marooney]

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

Honestly I think you're being ungrateful. He chose it- that should mean enough to you.

Oooh, tricky one.

I don't like it either, to tell the truth. Mainly because a) it's gold (don't really wear gold) & b) the cut of the stone isn't for me. It doesn't look too small on your hands though - you've actually really slender hands so it looks perfect on you, size wise.

The thing is though, I've not read anything from you as to how he might feel if you tell him. Have you actually considered hard, how gutted he might be if you tell him you don't like it? Do you think he might be more hurt to hear this, than you would be to just wear the ring he chose for you?

Look, I do get it. But at the end of the day, it's really not about the piece of jewellery, it's about what it signifies - the commitment to marry, and his love for you. I think you're focusing on the wrong thing here.

Has he asked you if you like it? I imagine this has come up?

How about you buy yourself the ring you want . He’s bought you a ring he like and chose and has given you options to remedy it but you’re too fussy. Buy yourself the ring you want and wear that. He’s clearly not to going to buy you another and why should he.

I hope your fiance doesn't find this thread, particularly the comment about the proposal needing a thread of its own. You do sound a bit precious, sorry.

Small and dull. What a horrible thing to say. It's not about the size it's the sentiment behind.

I would give it a little while. I wasn't sure on mine as the design of it was to fit round an engagement ring rather than traditional engagement design and it was very small and dainty. After a while of wearing it I started to love it and had a wedding ring made to fit round it. I had the same thing with my wedding band where I was unsure once it was made but then loved it after getting used to wearing it. Worth trying on some wedding bands before you make any final decision too because the look of 2 together makes a lot of difference

Congratulations on your engagement.

I think if you don't like the ring, you should change it.

I have fat fingers, a solitaire ring would just look awful on me, it wouldn't matter how many people told me me 'oh it looks lovely' - I know I wouldn't like it.

Is it an independent jeweller? If so, I am sure they would be able to source other stones to your requirement and put it on a band of your choosing.
If not, as others have suggested, exchange it for 2 wedding bands.

There are options. Don't wear something you don't like for the rest of your life just because you feel obliged to. It sounds like your fiance is not emotionally invested in this ring either.

OP is asking advice on an anonymous forum about the fact she doesn't like a style of ring she's been given.

She's not complaining about her partner. She's not complaining he asked. She's not complaining that he chose that ring, and she acknowledges that he's gone with her usual style, but that in this instance her usual style hasn't hit the mark.

She's asking what to do about it.

Personally, I'd tell my (now) DH it wasn't right for me. He'd be ok with that.

But he wouldn't choose without me anyway because I don't always know what I like myself so how can I expect him to? He sent me several options he liked, I sent him back several I liked and he chose himself from those.

It's a very personal thing and it'll be on your hand for years, you need to be in love with it. It's not about the money spent either, it's about what it represents and how it makes you feel.

Also consider the shop may be able to order in something else for you. Maybe enquire as to that.

I think it’s lovely and I’d rather have smaller and simpler, then something that’s too much because you need to wear it every day.

It’s ok to want something else.
This is on your finger and will be for hopefully a very long time and so you need to be 100% happy.

I would find out how long you’ve got to return it and keep looking in that same shop.

I really like the PPs suggestion of swapping it for 2 wedding bands and then finding one you really love.

Its ok to say that you like the ring but you think it makes your fingers look big etc.
He would rather you be honest.

I would tell him how you started a thread on here because you felt so conflicted and 99% of the replies said they loved the ring (just so he doesn’t feel like too much of a screw up lol).

I like the ring but I would feel the same way. I also like things that are not valuable but are more unique or vintage looking. My DP has been fishing for information on what rings I like and I was open that I am not a tiny solitaire diamond/thin gold band person. I have chubby fingers. I’ve seen some lovely ones on Etsy that have colours and other attractive styles. I don’t wear any other rings so it’s not like I could hide something that didn’t suit me. I don’t know what I would say if I got this ring I don’t know if I would be brave enough to feel so brutal to admit I didn’t like it or not but exchanging it for wedding rings is a good idea and perhaps suggest you go out ring shopping together. He has offered you this chance so exchange it so maybe see how he feels if you did want to? I don’t think it’s ungrateful it is the risk you take when you choose something for another person without their input

I think it is beautiful. Simple, classic and timeless. It really suits your hand and will look great with a wedding ring.

You could perhaps influence the choice of wedding rings more.

I like it. It’s elegant and classy.

If you want more sparkle you could pair it with a yellow gold wedding band inset with diamonds. Beautiful.

YANBU in the slightest but I could have predicted the slightly shitty replies that you have had because people can be very weird about engagement rings. Honestly, I think it is deeply weird that it's a cultural norm to be expected to wear an item of jewellery which has been chosen for you (usually by someone with no interest or expertise in fine jewellery) every day for the rest of your life. Can you imagine most brides' reactions if they were expected to wear a dress of their fiancé's choosing? It's considered such a ridiculous idea that a whole reality TV format came out of it.

@Marooney I didn’t like my engagement ring- it was dhs’ grandmas!! So very tricky. I was terrified of losing it aswell. Felt like a lot of responsibility and not really my own.
i was just honest. I’ve kept it but we bought another that we chose together. You can be tactful about it!
Another idea to save his feelings is this- do you have any other jewellery that you do like (or don’t!) and you could talk to a jeweller to have the stone mixed with some others from other jewellery and made into a new ring that you would like… it would be easier to suggest this to your fiancé maybe and say for sentimental reasons you would love to have this diamond put with your mums sapphire or whatever it might be…! Good luck and congrats!!! X

Not to mention the very many posters who think that because they like the ring you should too!

Maybe he can't afford it? Not everyone is married to a diva.

Have to put in a word for the London Blue topaz, which is my favorite topaz of all. I used to hate topaz back when I thought they were all that brownish-yellow color, but it’s such a great and dynamic stone.

Take it back and exchange it and use the money to buy your wedding rings. They’d come in at a similar price. I’d be happy now with non diamond etc to get the look I wanted. You have to wear it and look at it with love not regret.
change it

So many poster seem to have a be grateful, shut up attitude. She has to wear it in a very visible place for supposedly the rest of her life! Of course it should be to her style and something she absolutely loves.

If you don't life it then swap it. Doesn't sound like he put any thought into it, isn't anything similar to things you like. Looks a bit like he went into the nearest shop and bought a very generic ring.

Could a jeweller replace the diamond with a larger moissanite stone and maybe have the original stone set in something else.

Go to the jewellers and look at what they have before righting them off as having nothing you would prefer. There’s a good chance they haven’t got their entire stock online.

On a personal level if someone proposed to me and they went out their way to choose a ring for me it would be very special and meaningful to me and would love it regardless. But it's very tricky. I think if you really are sad about it and he had said change it if you don't like it , then honestly is the best policy here, I'm sure he would understand

It’s the kind of ring that reads as simple and classic to some people and boring and generic to others. I’d see if you could have the diamond put into a different setting, possibly with some other stones surrounding it or on either side of it. You are not being unreasonable to want a ring you’ll wear forever (God willing) to be a ring you love to wear.

I don't like it either. Would be a bit insulted by it tbh and if £360 was the budget would far rather have a second hand or vintage ring.