I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

[Marooney]

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

You can buy unique beautiful rings on Etsy. Inspired by this thread I went to look and almost all the ones I like are under £300. I think for OP it’s more about having something that reflects her style not just having a status symbol of a solitaire diamond on her finger.

er… what?! Are you trying to imply she should be grateful for something she is supposed to wear on her hand for the rest of her life even though she doesn’t like it and her fiancé has no clue about her taste because she didn’t buy him anything?!

I think be honest about it and just ask him can you pick something else entirely from a different seller, see if you could even get store credit for it ? After all you have to wear it for the rest of your life you have to like it .

If it helps, I didn't like my ring either.
Money was tight at the time & he spent what he could and really took his time choosing something he thought I'd like.

At the time, I was disappointed as I wanted a big rock (but being realistic, we didn't have the money).

Now, 12 years later, and I love it. It really grew on me and when I look at it now, I think it's perfect and looks great with my wedding ring.

Hopefully your ring grows on you too 💕

OP can you not get a refund or exchange it for his wedding band? I wouldn’t be happy with that either.

I do like my engagement ring but I didn’t absolutely love it so I got my wedding ring designed to fit with it and now I love the look of them together and the fact that he chose it is special to me too.

Exactly this! Etsy have some gorgeous rings! As I said early in the thread, the ring my DH made has grown on me now so I'd not change it. But if I could have my time again, it'd only have been the shape/style I'd have changed. He got pretty close to be fair. Now, if he'd turned up with a giant dazzler that cost an arm and a leg, I'd have been mortified and had to tell him to change it. That would not have been my style at all!

Some people really missing the point here.

How about some gratitude. He's put thought into this, seems to accept his fiancée likes simple jewellery (and bought a beautiful simple solitaire set stone), he's asked the woman he loves to marry him. But no, the Mumsnet massive all feel this isn't enough and bigger better brighter debt bound sparkles are needed 🙄. Give over.

FFS people, it doesn't matter if YOU like the ring. It matters if OP loves the ring, that she'll wear for hopefully the rest of her life ...... and she doesn't.

I happen to agree with OP, it's a bit dull.

I don't understand people who say, your fiance chose it, therefore she HAS to keep it. That's madness.
It sounds like he spent 10 minutes in a local jeweller. This ring doesn't really mean anything to him.
OP is not being disparaging about her OH, she just doesn't like the ring. She should be able to tell her fiance that, and choose something she likes, which could be cheaper.

Who said she isn’t grateful? Being grateful for the ring and liking the ring are two different things.

It's not to my taste either, and it doesn't sound like he put any thought into it, just got the most generic ring possible from the closest shop. I'd immediately say, I love you but I do not love this ring. Let's change it for one I love.

To anyone reading this who might be proposed to with a ring they don't like, PLEASE make it clear to your partner that they shouldn't do this! My husband was in no doubt that he was not to propose with a ring unless it was made of paper or a bit of string. And that we would design the rings together, which we did.

Surely it’s the gesture not the bloody price tag.

OP that was not aimed at you, it was aimed at the person asking if it was £50. Bang out of order and someone obviously only cares about how much something costs. I think you should speak to your partner, I think your partner would rather you have a ring you are happy with in the long run 😊 x

Could you have the gold mattified/hammered at some point? If you did that it should go with a thicker silver or gold wedding ring. Then having the setting changed if you’re still not happy. Or just tell him you don’t like it🤣

When I was engaged (twice to two different men so with an age gap!) I deliberately knew I’d what I’d like or didn’t like. I like sapphires and they’re my birth stone so wanted something with that in so the first ring was 1990-ish and cluster sapphires diamonds. The second time was mid 00s, 2005-ish and was an art deco design (I like this era) and had white sapphires and diamonds, specially designed for me. It’s a shame I didn’t go on to marry either man but I sold the first ring and second is in my jewellery box, I did offer to give it back to him but he declined, first man I didn’t know etiquette about returning rings so just sold it via an auction and got a good price for the time.

With yours OP I think it suits you but if “you” don’t like it just say and exchange for wedding rings or similar.

A true life partner will understand and you deserve to get what you want girl!

Yeah so many arseholes in the world who take delight in being so fucking rude. I bet in everyday life they wouldn't say boo to a goose.

Your ring is almost exactly like my ring I got 15 years ago. Hated it as exactly the same as a previous engagement ring. Tried changing it but was under pressure in the shop and ended up not doing so. Rarely wore it and then it no longer fitted me after pregnancy anyhow.

Got it melted down on 10th anniversary and combined it with the previous engagement ring and a new stone to create a triology ring which suits my fat fingers better and I wear all the time.

Its OK to hate it. Its also OK to change it or not wear it.

It's a beautiful ring @Marooney but if you don't like it then do as he says and change it for credit then pick your own elsewhere. Otherwise you will be looking at this ring you don't like (hopefully!) forever!

Its awkward but you need to be happy with wearing it daily, and it seems DP ran into the shop and grabbed' a ring' within the budget
I'm wondering if the shop has other stock they hadn't put on display.
Great idea to use credit for wedding rings and shop together for your engagement ring

hi, congratulations! I think that the ring is lovely, and remember, once you have your wedding ring as well (if you wear both everyday) it will look 'bigger' on your hand. I don't think it looks too small at all. I'd say, keep it, live with it, and I bet in a week you will love it. I think it's lovely he surprised you x and i fyou don't, then once you are married, you only wear it for 'best' - sorted!

I agree! My partner could give me a haribo ring I’d still treasure it! 😂❤️ x

Not once has she said she wanted bigger, better, more sparkles, more expensive. Just that the style doesn't suit her hand, in her opinion.

Different styles are allowed and they don't mean flashier.

People framing this as he did something lovely for her and she should be grateful - presumably she did something lovely for him by saying yes, and he should be grateful too. No reason why she has to wear a ring she's not crazy about every day for the rest of her life. He has recognised that she might want to change it, and had bought a perfectly acceptable, if slightly boring, holding ring. Good for them if they swap it for something she loves.

You will be wearing this ring everyday for the rest of your life, so yes, you should love it. He did a lovely thing in choosing it himself but I am sure he will understand if you want to get something more your taste. My DH was far too scared to pick mine, we chose it together and I have a beautiful art deco engagement ring with a smooth setting similar to yours with two more diamonds mounted on the shoulder, set in white gold. He admits he would never have picked it in a million years! We have been together 28 years and he still smiles when he catches me admiring it. He doesn't care that I chose it, just that I love it and what it symbolises. There are a LOT of happy memories bound up in that ring.

I think most rings will be a bit swamped by those hands. I think you just need to be honest and say you hate it. Say you want him to take it back and then pick one together. You'll need a much more chunky ring with a bigger stone I think.