I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

[Marooney]

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

What about a diamond eternity ring as a wedding band?

Could you get a wedding band more in the style of what you like and incorporate the engagement ring as part of the design?

I had a similar experience with my engagement ring too OP so I understand your disappointment it's a very small solitaire which I think cost him around 600 quid. I decided not to say anything and just keep it not necessarily because I thought it would grow on me but because of what it has represented. He bought it when he was absolutely broke, finishing uni and we had nothing between us. I know how long it would have taken for him to save for it and come to find he actually had sold something quite important to him in order to get it for me. We are in a very different position financially now and I remember he had said 'ill buy you a nicer ring one day' when he proposed but I wouldn't change it for the world as its a good reminder of how far we've come together over the last 10 years.

If you really don't like it totally not unreasonable to gently tell him that you would like a different style, you are hopefully going to be wearing it for the rest of your life, but maybe take a few days to think on what it represents and like others have said see if it grows on you you might be surprised how much you grow to love the ring he proposed with.

I understand if you don’t like your ring. It’s a big thing and you need to love it. It’s a lovely ring but I agree, delicate. You could upgrade the size of diamond/change the stone. You could wear it and add another ring with bigger gemstone/s as an eternity ring in a year or so. Or you could go into the shop and ask them if they have the ability to order different types of rings that you’d prefer. You never know.

In the UK and the US, we wear both engagement and wedding band together on the left hand. The men don't normally get an engagement ring.

My husband is Norwegian and it's different there, but it seems to vary. Right hand for engagement ring (for some people) and same with the wedding band. Though not everyone does this. Engagement rings aren't essential either. Saying that, men wearing engagement rings isn't uncommon! I had an engagement ring made for my husband after he made one for me and proposed. He wore it on his right hand and I wore mine on my left.

I'd feel funny about asking my fiance to change the ring. It would feel as if I want a 'trade up'.
Best way round is to ask for a diamond eternity as a wedding band.

I love it. I expected something awful but it’s really lovely.

I don't dislike it but it also wouldn't be to my taste at all.

We chose my ring together-thought that was the "done thing" unless there was an heirloom!

I like the idea of exchanging for two wedding rings. This is probably the best solution.

I do understand your disappointment completely. DP just gave me a huge ruby ring for our 40th. He is terrible at choosing jewellery so he was carefully sign posted to ones I liked. He still went off piste though. I’ve worn it once and won’t ever wear it again until I find the time to redesign it. I don’t much like the stone though so at the moment I can’t be bothered.

Just talk to him. Any stable and kind person may feel a little bit hurt and then ultimately work with you to help you get what you want and will make you happy. Any other reaction and its a sign to run anyway!

To be loved is to be seen and he's just not shown you that he really knows you - and that's what's disappointing. He's chosen the blandest, safest option that doesn't reflect you at all.

I was in a similar situation to you, not keen on the ring to start with. Talked about it with my partner and he explained all of the thought that he had put in to choosing it and the reasons why he thought it would suit me.

I wouldn’t swap it for the world now. It is special to me because of that. I tend to wear only my wedding ring and engagement ring for special occasions.

He got her a ring she doesn’t like, that she’s meant to wear for the rest of her life. She’s allowed to complain.

I would think that ring perfect and it won't date, but as you don't like it I hope you find a way of getting one you prefer. I went to chose the ring with late dh, which is better.

She acknowledged it was lovely of him. But if it's something she is intending to wear every day for the rest of her life, it would be better if she loves it.

Once you get a wedding band and an eternity ring on your hand, it will look beautiful

As I said before, of course you can vote unreasonable if you think she is being unreasonable and if you think her honesty is a complaint, you’re free to think that too.

But to say, as the pp did, that she is complaining about her husband to be, is incorrect. She is expressing an honest dislike of a ring. I personally don’t consider this a humiliation and I wouldn’t feel humiliated if my girlfriend expressed similar opinions to the OP. Of course opinions will differ, but we should separate a stated dislike of the object from the idea she has complained about her partner.

He’s got a point though.

The size of the rock does not equate to the quality of the man.

I think you're being a bit entitled.

All these posts saying "I would love it!" Well, good for you but that is not what OP is asking, whether randoms on the internet like it.

This is the time to be honest with him @Marooney - otherwise you will seem a bit daft showing it off to people and he will feel sad you kept it in.

It is a piece of jewellery you will want to wear a lot, do you really want to to feel disappointed every time you look at your hands?

I agree with you, it’s a bit small and dull. I would use the money to buy a wedding ring and look for another engagement ring. Look at lab diamonds, they are proper diamonds, more ethical and you get a lot more for your money

I think it's cute, but I know what you mean about wanting something more vintage style.
As others say, swap for two wedding rings (or one if one of you wants one from somewhere else) use the rest, if there is any, for some earrings or something?
I hope he won't be hurt or offended. I'm sure he won't when you discuss it.

Ignore the posters making you out to be a spoilt princess. It's not about the value you just don't like the ring, and nor do I for what it's worth, it does look generic and not that nice.

Use the money to get wedding rings and choose something else you like. Don't kettle for something that will upset you every time you look at it.

He hasn’t got a point at all when men are still very keen for women and children to take their name. They’re more than happy to keep those traditions.

This is madness to me - that you should wear a piece of jewellery every day for the rest of your life that you dislike in case your DP has hurty feelings. He took a risk and it hasn't worked out. I can't see why you can't work together to get something you do want.