I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

[Marooney]

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

Thanks, think it would only be worth doing that if the diamond was valuable or had sentimental value though.

Not told him but kind of hinted that it was very 'delicate' for my fingers and style, he just thought I was putting myself down I think

Don’t be so ridiculous, an engagement ring is something you’re meant to wear everyday for the rest of your life, I’m so sorry if it’s inconvienant that women have their own tastes but she’s human, and she does, nothing spoilt about it. And as for the poster you were replying to, OP didn’t even complain about him.

Agreed. The 'credit' should pay for a nice wedding band (or 2?) You could choose them now, then go & choose an engagement ring together that suits you & fits against your wedding band.
(my initial ring was like yours but set high so I exchanged it for a rub over setting as I'm clumsy - I then had to pay for a chunk to be taken out of my wedding ring so they fit flush - it was engraved & the jeweller did it upside down - so, imo, choose your wedding band & then your engagement ring !)

It is really plain! Lovely a simple.

This is excellent!! Thank you

I haven't complained about him

I would speak to the jeweller - if they are decent they can alter it/add a stone - if you have unused gold that can be added etc

Really? You object to tradition around marriage? Is that all traditions, like the woman and any children taking the man’s name? Should men start being questioned more on why they aren’t taking their wife’s name?

That ring fits your brief, classic, and simple.
It's also very delicate and beautiful. I disagree about your hands swamping it, I think it suits you (from the photo shown). It shows your stb husband has put in the thought and the effort (all good signs for a life long partner).
Maybe change your mindset; your partner chose this ring because he has listened, observed and more importantly taken onboard your desire of classic and simple. Total winner!
But if you really don't like it, then see if you can change it. Jewellery like clothing and bags and shoes is personal, and a difficult thing to get right when buying for someone else.

Congratulations on getting engaged. The ring is pretty and looks fine but completely understand your wish for something more unusual! (I went down that route!)
Your other half is happy for you to exchange, so try and work with that. If the shop does wedding bands, could you both get them from there? Or possibly some other pretty, special jewellery that you could wear for getting married in say. Then go and choose a ring together?

Yes, it was sudden yesterday although it has been in the pipeline for a while.. actually the story should be another post because I don't want to cloud the ring issue 😆 But yeah he suddenly went looking for a ring

@Marooney My friend has a tiny diamond 💍 ring, much smaller than that- and it sparkles like crazy !
It’s the sparkle that really matters in a Diamond- not the size
I think it looks lovely.

Was about to say this myself! Use the exchange on your wedding bands and get a different ring elsewhere xx

Congratulations! I had a not dissimilar feeling when my DH proposed. The diamond was stunning but the setting just wasn't "me". I ended up having the diamond reset into a different band - is that an option?

There's no point even replying to someone with a username like that tbh

You're right I'll try, but I just don't really like it full stop :(

OP I was in a similar situation to you, we had no money when we got engaged and my husband bought what he could afford at the time. I had never told him the style I like as I didn't expect the proposal!
I wore it for 5 years and when our financial situation was better I knew I wanted something different. We happened to have seen something in a vintage shop one day and we bought that.
I've kept the old ring and hope to do something with it one day. But I love the new one and at the end of the day it's just jewellery! I'm not a sentimental person 😅
Congratulations on your engagement xxx

Honestly, pretend you like it and then lose it in a couple of years.....

Thanks all for the interest and replies, trying to get through them and will address some specific questions when back home in an hour 🙏🏼

Honestly,

I think it’s a beautiful ring

How do you think you fiancé would take it if you asked to change it? There’s nothing stopping you buying another solitaire ring at a later date. I just think it will take away the excitement a little if you push ahead with a ring change now.

My MIL, updated her engagement ring on her 25th wedding anniversary, to something more modern because a lot had changed in fashions. I get you don’t want to wait that long, but I think it looks a tad spoiled if you rush to get it exchanged.

Lots of women I know don’t even wear their engagement ring once married and just wear their wedding band.

Please think this through before you taint your engagement

I think the ring is lovely and suits your hand.
It also sounds like he couldn't really have got it right as what you like is quite niche. There would have been a lot of potential to go wrong.

You can either dress it up with more fancy wedding rings you choose together or exchange it for wedding bands but your husband will inevitably be a bit hurt.

But he didn't need to choose it without her then, did he?

Please be honest. Tell him the truth that you really appreciate all his thought, effort and care, but it's not quite right. He should understand.

if you really don't like it, as you say, then no amount of people here liking it helps. Talk to him - you have to be able to talk to each other - and sort this out.

Today from this thread I learned that rings come in sizes, that rings can be made different sizes, and that people wear wedding and engagement rings at the same time. Is that on the same finger? I thought people wore engagement rings when they were engaged and wedding rings when they were married. Can you swap it for a ring for him?

It sounds like he wants you to be happy and swapping it is fine, I can’t see why swapping it at a different shop would be any different.