I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

[Marooney]

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

She gave loads of info though? We know where he shopped, how long he spent choosing, what he’s usually like (generous). Masses of context.

Nobody needs to be grateful for a thoughtlessly or hastily chosen engagement ring that they dislike. It’s the thought that counts in a gesture of love, and there is little sign of OP’s fiancé having put significant thought into it. Slight disappointment, like OP has expressed, is a more reasonable response to that than gratitude.

Three consecutive posts of made-up “thoughtful” back stories for this man you don’t know, and reasons why actually it’s all OP’s fault — I dunno, that seems extreme, which is interesting to me. It reads as if you are pretty uncomfortable with a woman setting expectations higher than floor level for her partner.

It is a dull little ring but also one charged with love.
if he genuinely doesn’t mind you changing it then maybe go to an auction to get something good value and vintage.
but be careful he really means what he has said - that could play out later in a negative way

It's hardly floor level

What do you mean, @curious79 - why and how could it "play out later in a negative way"?

OK, that’s fair. Hip level.

I wouldn't blame OP if she has abandoned this thread now after the nasty comments, but she is possibly in for a lifetime of gifts she doesn't like if she doesn't speak up now.

Some men are just not very good at getting the right thing, and however kind and thoughtful the gesture behind it I don't think it's wrong to be disappointed if it’s not a style you would have chosen.

I read a thread recently from a MNer whose DH had bought her the same pair of earrings about 5 times!

Im lucky, for big purchases my DH always checks with me first. Even though it spoils the element of surprise it saved a lot of angst in the long run. We chose my engagement ring together and got something we both really liked.

I think swapping it for the wedding rings is a very good idea, and choosing new ring together, that OP will enjoy wearing is the best solution

That’s why he should gone to get a ring together!

Go girl! And keep us posted 😃congrats!

Did you manage to chat to him @Marooney?

Yes I agree, I’d want to do that. But he obvs wanted the proposal to be a surprise, lots of men choose the ring and do okay. Maybe they talked about it and she decided she liked surprise proposals/a surprise ring. I agree, if she wanted something specific she should’ve gone with him and not expected him to read her mind.

I agree. I wonder if they ever discussed her wants for a proposal, maybe she wanted it to be a whole surprise including the ring, and expected him to know what she wanted. Maybe he panicked and chose something simplistic and (imo) inoffensive. I too would want to pick my ring, I wouldn’t mind a ring less proposal then going shopping together before making the announcement to other people. She needs to tell him, it’s possible she could take it somewhere to get it redesigned, or trade it in for wedding bands and go ring shopping with him for a new engagement ring.

I agree, if she wanted something specific she should’ve gone with him and not expected him to read her mind.

Maybe she didn't get the chance to go with him & didn't expect him to read her mind either!

A proposal may have been discussed beforehand (even in jest) and she was happy for it to be a surprise including the ring.. We don’t know because OP hasn’t provided much info.

Hi all,
First off, yes I would have liked to go with him or send him some inspiration pics but I didn't get the chance as it was so sudden. Without going into the backstory we had discussed him proposing but I had reason to believe it would be the end of the year.

I did tell him, when he asked me once more if I was sure I liked it. I said to be honest I didn't really feel like me in it. It turns out he didn't know it was even an option for the man not to propose with a ring he'd chosen himself, fair enough. He also didn't know it was something that could vary so widely, or that I would have previously given any thought to what I'd like. He also apparently told the shop assistant there was a good chance I'd want to change it, but didn't twig there might be nothing suitable in the shop as he said they had loads. So, a bit clueless but he had good intentions. Oh yes and he also thought that once married the engagement ring got put in a drawer.. possibly that's what happened with his ex, I wonder if she didn't love her ring either 😅 So he just did not think the ring was a big deal, but did believe I'd like the one he chose.

So we went and exchanged it for shop credit and I'm happy to get our wedding rings from there, though he's convinced I won't find one I like though I'm happy with a really plain band.

For the engagement ring I've narrowed it down to a few similar ones on Etsy such as the pic, it's teal sapphire. Thanks some of you for the warning not to get pearls. If anyone has experience of buying semi-expensive jewellery on Etsy please advise, do I just read reviews and hope for the best?

Thank you to everyone who commented, even the one who said I had giant man hands which made me laugh out loud. I'm a bit surprised over 50% voted I was unreasonable. My partner didn't find it to be the case, and wants to propose again once the ring arrives. I definitely don't think I should have hung onto something I disliked when it's such an important item.

Oh that's such a lovely colour and style
I had a blue topaz for mine
Glad he took your points on board

Personally I’d buy a vintage ring as you often get better gold and stones for your money. But glad it turned out so well for you.

Cheap Etsy rings are often faux stones and poor quality stones

Love the ring in your image. I'm glad this has turned out well. Congratulations!

That is a really gorgeous ring. It sounds like a good outcome!

That's a lovely ring.

Well what do you know-2 adults managed to have a conversation & come to a resolution!

@Marooney - lovely ring but if you're hoping for a genuine teal sapphire then that ring isn't for you as if you read all the way down to the bottom of the description they actually say it's a lab grown sapphire.

So value of all the stones is only a few pounds which is why they can send you a silver ring, all the way from USA with free shipping for £65.

This happened with me. I was so happy to be engaged but my dh insisted I swap it for "a bigger diamond" We found one we both loved and swapped it but I was under the wrath of the MIL for a while as she preferred the first one and presumed it was me being a diva. Even my dm couldn't believe that I "changed the ring he picked" So beware for opinions lol

Ps I love the emerald one, much nicer

I am so pleased you spoke to him and you are both in agreement.

Does the new ring have to be bought on Etsy, I know you don't live in England but England has lots of independent jewellery shops that sell new and 2nd hand i.e. vintage rings. You can try them on !

Do you not have anything similar in your country ?

Thanks, I'm not sure I mind really that it's lab grown, should I? I mean sapphire isn't that rare anyway. I don't know much about jewellery - its monetary value doesn't matter to me if I like it and it's not tarnished or plastic-looking or coming apart. I don't know.. should I be thinking differently?