I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

[Marooney]

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

Shouldn’t a token of love show that you have thought about the person you are asking to marry you? From OP pictures it is clearly not something she would like.

I was gobsmacked at the ring my husband proposed with- exactly my taste which showed he had put the thought in as he went to Anterwerp to buy the diamond, get it cut and set in a style he thought I would like. I do not like gold and never wear it, so my ring is platinum. Again he had put the thought in -not sloped off to local high street after work. It took a months of planning- as he said he is only going to do it once so needed to be right 😀 I would have accepted any ring he proposed with as I love him and it would be precious to me for that reason but I would have been disappointed if this is what he had chosen for me as it’s not my style.

I do not think it’s about the money, OP disappointment is lack of care he showed in choosing it. He could have found a vintage ring for less money than he spent but that takes effort.

I think you need to tell him you like it, but you don't love it.

And you really, really want to love it!!
He's the man of your dreams and you want the ring to match that

Then go buy something you love and swap this one for wedding bands

That’s some smooth talking 😀

Yes, me and now DH went on a big shopping trip, made a day of it and chose together. Personally I think it's by far the safest way as I loved the ring from the start rather than coming to love it over time.

It's a very tricky one. I would usually err on the side of the man who's done the choosing and gifting, but when little thought or planning has gone into the selection and it's very evidently at odds with the personal taste of the wearer, then I would say she should have something she loves and enjoys wearing.
It depends on the type of man he is, but hopefully that's what he wants too rather than being offended.

If I was making my choice again I'd avoid obvious engagement type rings and go for a vintage gemstone dress ring, something really different. I'd avoid pearls, not only because of their delicate nature, but I was brought up to believe they represent tears and I'd prefer something with more positive connections. Just a thought OP, although it might not concern you on either count.

Shouldn’t a token of love show that you have thought about the person you are asking to marry you? From OP pictures it is clearly not something she would like.

I think this is unfair. He probably did put thought into it and think the OP would like it. A lot of jewellery looks samey to men.

Have you shown your husband-to-be any of those rings?

I can see that they're quite a different style to the one he chose (but, to be honest, I don't particular like any of them, I prefer a bit of colour and luckily my wife agreed and has a peridot stone on her engagement ring).

Then they should have gone together.

If you read some of the OP comments, she said he just went to the a high street jewellery chain after work one night. Hardly a romantic dream come true and worse still got something the complete opposite of what she likes.

Yes. I dislike the "poor man" narrative. How silly not to go ring shopping together, or for him to take screenshots of what she wanted.

Maybe he couldn’t afford a vintage style one. Maybe he thought it was a risk buying a vintage style one as it can be hit or miss. Maybe he was playing it safe and chose something more classic. Maybe OP didn’t convey her feelings about it enough- a lot of people like vintage style jewellery but want a classic looking engagement ring that goes with the wedding band. Often larger stones don’t. Engagement rings can often be pricey, and if it was a surprise, perhaps he didn’t want to take the risk and buy something vintage when he may not know much about vintage jewellery in general and what OP likes.

maybe it was a spur of the moment decision and he thought, that ring is gorgeous, I want to propose to her today.

OP should’ve probably spoke to him beforehand about choosing her own ring. I don’t understand women who don’t speak up then expect their other halves to somehow magically guess the exact thing she likes for an engagement ring, especially if it’s something quite niche like OP wanted. A lot of women who like classic jewellery want a vintage engagement ring, and a lot of women who like vintage jewellery want a classic engagement ring.

as is, she should probably just tell him and get it over with.

OP, he sounds decent, I would just suggest you use the token for wedding bands and go ring shopping together for an engagement ring. The more you leave it the more hurt he will be. A lot of jealousy on this thread of your happy relationship methinks.

Honestly man. Not everyone can afford a ring from a posh jeweller or antique store. Maybe he genuinely thought she would like it. Perhaps it was a spur of the moment decision and he saw it and thought of her.

Maybe he felt a vintage one a risk, and didn’t see any he thought OP would like. Maybe he saw the ring and thought she’d like it. Not all people into vintage jewellery want a vintage engagement ring.

What’s with the desperate reach for hypotheticals to shield this bloke from mild critique, and/or deflect blame for his slightly crap ring purchase onto his fiancée?

Why are some posters so desperate to weave a complex, totally invented storybook narrative of thwarted good intentions around him?

@Marooney come back and tell us what happens!!

Are the rings you like in the same budget as the ring that is to be returned?

Because OP hasn’t given enough information and she sounds ungrateful.

This is a great plan. Ignore anyone telling you YABU. It’s your engagement ring that you’re going to wear every single day for the rest of your life (we hope!) so you have to love it.

So you’d rather your partner wore something they didn’t like every single day just because YOU like it?

This is not as positive as you seem to think

An engagement ring has no equivalency to a Peppa Pig T-shirt.
You wear your engagement ring, you treasure it, it is an enduring symbol. You will probably wear the ring every day for decades.
Unlike a Peppa Pig T-shirt.

Oh give over. She's not complained about him at all - she's said she doesn't like the ring (which conceivably she'll wear every day for the rest of her life) and asked for advice. Stop being horrible behind your computer screen.

Your elegant and classic is someone else's dull and boring. Surprise! People have different taste!