I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

[Marooney]

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

I guess it is quite personal choice. I would prefer to get from a reliable jeweller shop myself, so I can try, and later on, if resize is needed, or a dropped stone, then it is also easier to get it fixed. As long as you are happy, that’s the most important thing!

@Marooney well sorted and a much better start to the rest of your lives together.

It's a pretty ring you've chosen above, but personally I wouldn't go to Etsy. You can't judge the quality and the one time I bought a ring from there the sizing wasn't in accordance with the professional ring guide I have at home.

You haven't said which European country you're in, but if you have some antiques markets or auctions where you could actually try a ring on and examine the workmanship beforehand, that's what I'd recommend. It's not dependent on the spend, it's about having a ring you're really happy with. You want a ring that every time you look at it, you feel warm and smile because of what it represents for you two, but also because it's a piece that you like so much.

if I got that wrong I apologise- but you didn’t tell him you didn’t like it straight away, so it would be fair to assume that maybe he thought you did like it.

you sound incredibly judgemental and ungrateful in the rest of this post too, I would say an hour or two looking around the shop isn’t “minimal effort”- that would be like buying the first one he sees online. He took the time to look at rings in person over hours, then he picked the one that made him think of you and thought you’d like it…that’s effort to me.

if you’d talked about engagement at all, it should be planted the seed in your head that proposing was a possibility…moaning that you thought you had “more time” isn’t an excuse. You could’ve shown him rings you liked over the course of the time.

vintage rings like the ones you have posted truly are a lot more difficult to purchase in terms of knowing for sure if your partner would like it, they are all super different. Yes he made a mistake but the sort he picked is more classic and perhaps he thought less of a risk. It’s good you have managed to come to a decision to trade it in for wedding rings and he has been fine about it.

the ring he chose from a jeweller is likely also significantly better quality than anything from Etsy including what you posted!

why don’t you pick your own ring and propose back to him?

OP sounds high maintenance and likely wants it on record/pics of the proposal to show family

Utterly ridiculous- the proposing again was HIS idea because HE wants it to go better

There are so many assumptions here. I'm not "moaning" that I didn't have time, he literally did it THE DAY AFTER we talked about it, I could hardly have presented him with a folder of ring pics the same day he mentioned proposing now could I?

Appreciate the point about quality on Etsy and won't necessarily go for that. But the ring he picked was the lowest karat gold (there was a choice of 9 or 18 for all rings) and the lowest carat of diamond (the style he chose came with a variety of sizes of stone). Again, none of this would matter if the style had been remotely something I liked. And yes they are lab diamonds which doesn't bother me. I like bigger stones as they suit my hand better but it could be a lower value stone, no problem.

I think you and a couple of others missed the point of the post which didn't include any complaint about him, I was worried about what to do since the shop would only exchange not refund. I was also curious what people thought of the ring, but it was pure curiosity as only I have to like it.

The idea of a flashy ring, engagement or wedding is anathema to me- I simply did not want that ring to be the one for the rest of my life. Some responses here are completely bizarre.

You'd be utterly mad to buy a ring from Etsy and think the stones are genuine.
Etsy to me, means cheap and not very genuine items some of which are home made (it's where lots of crafts people sell what they make.)

Ok, drip feeding then as you didn’t mention it was one day after to begin with. You could’ve mentioned to him you’d like to pick a ring together when discussing the possibility of a proposal. I can’t see into his mind but perhaps he thought you were angling for a quick proposal. Antique/unique rings like what you showed can be difficult to find (in your specific style), and if he thought you wanted proposed to quickly, he maybe chose something pretty and inoffensive. Sounds like a communication issue on both parts.

Also Jesus Christ…the LOWEST CARAT gold?! How dare he! Some people don’t set much store by the priciness of a ring. Some people also shock horror can find huge diamonds tacky and look cheap. It’s actually a great size stone, not too flashy and not an invisible diamond chip. If you don’t like it that’s fair, but to lament it’s not the highest carat gold just makes you sound entitled and bloody spoilt

its great he’s agreed for you to pick another ring and take it back to exchange the wedding ring. As many people have said, Etsy should be avoided.

This sounds like a great outcome OP, and the fact that you were able to sort everything out between you with no upsets bodes well. Keeping secret the fact that you aren't happy is never a good, however major or trivial the reasons.

@Lovefromjuliaxo
You are about 2 days behind on all your assertions, RTFT.

BTW a bloke spending an hour or 2 looking around a couple of high street jewellers is making minimum effort for buying an engagement ring. I have spent more time looking for a pair of trainers than that.

As it turns out, all the people saying 'tell him you love him but you don't love the ring' were absolutely right.
He doesn't care about the ring and had a load of random nonsense about what a engaging should be.

I replied to the thread days ago, I was replying to OP’s most recent reply because she drip fed. Sounds like missed communication on both sides. He likely thought Op was expecting an engagement the next day. She wasn’t.

she should just tell him she loves him and doesn’t love the ring, I agree with that. But looks like OP must have dropped some heavy hints about wanting to be engaged and he assumed asap. He spent two hours choosing the ring in person so I would say that’s some effort. Low effort would be buying the first thing he saw online.

Well it depends. There is some lovely vintage jewellery on Etsy (and eBay). But I would definitely pay with a credit card to be on the safe side!

You would not necessarily win a chargeback with Etsy, most sellers have in the T’s and C’s that their items are non returnable and may not resemble the photo on the website due to lighting/ sizes may vary etc. Buyers should read carefully.

Great idea. Our wedding rings were only about £150 each

£360? Why was it so cheap? It looks like a good size stone, so I doubt that's a "real" diamond. I don't think you could find something around that price even for moissanite. My engagement ring stone is smaller than that and it was £1250 16 years ago!

OP is in South European country not UK, she's a bit shocked at the price of similar rings in UK. It's a lab grown stone so a bit cheaper again, although tbh I'd prefer that given the shady nature of the diamond trade.

@AllTipAndNoIceberg has this spot on in their last paragraph!
This is supposed to be a site for (mainly once upon a time) women supporting women, but has now become so toxic, since when did it become the norm to pile on the OP with such judgmental and untrue - literally made up - negativity ? Surely, surely, it's better to communicate to the man she is excited about marrying that she isn't a massive fan of a lifetime piece of jewellery that she'll presumably wear every day of her marriage, than suck it up for the sake of keeping the peace and upsetting her future husband ? It's all so fucking presumptuous and nasty feeling - those posters who have taken the husbands 'side' in this - why don't you try and find a little empathy. Really put yourself in that position and answer again, but this time - honestly! It's such a shame in this day and age with all of the misogyny and growing fear of just existing as a woman, that we can't just all be soding nice :(
Sorry for the de-rail OP, I think you've handled this situation wonderfully and with a great outcome- the fact he reacted the way he did bodes well surely for a communicative and thoughtful marriage, wishing you the very best and hope you find a ring you (both) adore

https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/ShinyJungleJewellery

This company do stunning rings, very high quality too. I've bought a couple of rings from them and they're absolutely gorgeous. Definitely worth a look.

They have a looooot of bad reviews.

That makes sense, here you couldn't get even lab diamonds for that price. Tbh I don't think lab diamonds are that much cheaper than mined ones anymore, at least in the UK, but yes of course there are the ethical considerations...

They are a lot cheaper when you consider the clarity of diamond you can get for your money.

If you don’t like it today you are never going to like it. I would hate to have something that I am going to wear everyday picked for me. I would def see if you could change it for wedding rings and pick something you like elsewhere

I think the replacement ring is lovely. Make sure you get all the necessary paper work with it (for insurance purposes) as you'll want to wear the ring out and about and if anything were to happen to it, you would need to have a valuation etc.

Just to give you an alternative 'proposal' story - I had just given birth to our first child and my BF as he was then proposed. No ring, nothing. Just proposed. So when my pregnant swollen fingers had gone down in size, we went shopping and he bought me a ring that we were both really happy with and I wear it every day. So it is definitely possible to propose with no ring and then sort that bit out later once you're both happy.

I think men fall into two categories on this one; the ones who understand that the point of buying an engagement ring is to show that the proposal is a serious one, and that by their selection they've only really set the budget for the ring you might end up swapping it for. And then there are the ones who spent forever looking for the perfect ring, really thought you'd love it and would be devastated if you didn't. It depends which one he is. My engagement ring was a single diamond ring on a platinum band with two smaller diamonds as outriders. It always looked squashed to me so I asked him if he would mind me having it redesigned. The outriders came off and are in a little box waiting for our daughter to be old enough to enjoy. I think he thought I was a bit of a nightmare about it - but he knew that before he proposed. 🤓

I think the jewellers are at fault here - they should take it back and give him a full refund. Engagement rings are not the same as a regular jewellery purchase.

How on earth can you make any of those assumptions! You've assumed he decided on the day he bought the ring that he was going to propose and just chose a random ring. He mote likely has been looking for a while. Worrying if he's made the right choice and hoping he got it right. Don't make ridiculous statements that add nothing to this topic. OP already said it was the best ring the retailer had.

When I prossed I spent a good while looking for the right ring. Luckily I got it right. But if my now wife wasn't happy with the ring I'd rather she told me and chose one she liked. The ring is just s symbol. The important thing is that she said yes and we got married.

The idea of getting the wedding bands from the store is s great idea. But I'd be surprised if they wouldn't offer a refund, within a specific time.