I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

[Marooney]

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

Although that approach works very well for lots of people

I thought this was something that happened 50 years ago.

No, we were much more sensible 50 years ago. He proposed then you both went ring shopping together.

Hi op! You’ve probably decided what to do by now, but I just wanted to say congratulations and that I think it’s a really pretty ring.

You should have seen my engagement ring! It was a heart shape. In fairness, we were in our early twenties, but golly gosh I had trouble not looking a tad disappointed. I kept it to myself though and we picked a wedding ring together. My wedding ring was exactly what o wanted from an engagement ring, which obviously left the engagement ring redundant in the end.

I love your style OP and hope your fiancé understands and helps you find a ring that feels like you....

For context, my taste is v different to all my DP's exs and even after 15yrs he still can't pick out jewellery for me - but after a few requests for exchanges from me (including one which was only possible as the main stone kept falling out- thank goodness!) he does now at least accept that we are both happier if I can choose for myself 😅

I love your style OP and hope your fiancé understands and helps you find a ring that feels like you....

For context, my taste is v different to all my DP's exs and even after 15yrs he still can't pick out jewellery for me - but after a few requests for exchanges from me (including one which was only possible as the main stone kept falling out- thank goodness!) he does now at least accept that we are both happier if I can choose for myself 😅

This, exactly!

It’s silly to think that someone can pick out a piece of jewellery for you, which is such a personal aesthetic, and you just have to suck it up so as not to offend, I don’t get it. It is much better for you to end up with something you love. Go shopping together and choose something that is t really you. Use the store credit for his wedding ring and towards yours too if this have anything that matches your eventual choice of engagement ring.

The ones you have chosen are a different class altogether. Lovely.

Don’t settle for something you don’t love! It’s such a symbolic piece of jewellery that you’ll wear everyday. We returned my original ring because it wasn’t to my taste and I chose the right ring for me. We’ve been happily married for ten years so not settling for the original ring didn’t cause me any harm or bad luck!!

@Marooney those rings you shared are just beautiful and a completely different style, and that first one with the Pearl is amazing. Just show him those and say unfortunately this is what you always envisaged for your ring, you will exchange yours for the wedding bands and you can go together to get one like this. Please don’t spend a life sad for a ring you hate.

Your lab diamond is lovely! Use it to recreate one of the rings you have shown as your preference. But please please don’t choose a pearl as a long- lasting centre gem- they are not good in an everyday ring- far too delicate for day in, day out, and you would want to wear your ring every day, I’m sure, save pearls for a dress piece to be worn on special occasions?
I think if you talk to your partner about refining the design, ge would get on board, maybe offer to pay the difference?

It sounds as if your fiancé won't be terribly offended if you say you would like to change the ring. Maybe go back to the shop with him and, if they have nothing else more to your taste, exchange for wedding bands (they probably have ones you would like). Find some rings you do like and ask him to choose one of them - so he still picks it and you get a surprise.

It's lovely. Classic and classy (disclaimed: it's just like mine).

Go to the shop with an image of something you like. Just because they don't have the vintage style in stock, doesn't mean they couldn't order it for you.
Maybe it's just something they don't have a demand for.
Good luck!

Of course he had the money! He spends £400 at a time on 2 meals out. 😆(The OP said this earlier.)

I'd never even heard of moissanite before! But now I have seen it, I love it!

Personally, I think he did a kind thing.

I'd be tempted to ask if you can buy each other wedding and engagement rings that you love.

My engagement ring is the only thing I have worn pretty much every day of my life for almost 24 years.

Your ring looks much the same as mine, and I love it (not that I wear it anymore as we are separated). We chose it together, but I would have been just as happy with a ring I hadn't chosen - it's supposed to be a token of love, not a fashion accessory as it has become.

I don’t wear mine. It’s a classic solitaire with a bypass setting and we chose it together. I loved it at the time and still do. However I chose many years ago not to wear a wedding or engagement ring anymore.

In fact thinking around my married friends, I would say it’s 50:50 as to who wears their engagement ring.

This but agree its a matter of taste & preference. I hope you resolve it. Your partner sounds like he will support your decision which is the most important thing.

Get another one. The diamond in that is tiny on your hand and the Argos vibes would really take the shine off the engagement.

Has he not heard of the custom of spending at least a month's salary on an engagement ring?

I think it's lovely and very wearable but I'd tell him straight that you would like a different ring. He might be a teeny bit hurt but I think that's less of a negative that you not liking something you are going to wear for the rest of your life.

I agree it's boring and cheap but congratulations on your engagement

That was a marketing ploy put out by de beers to boost the sale of diamonds.

And then, to sell the smaller diamonds the eternity ring was born.

if you look at the pictures of the rings the OP likes…if he knew her at all why would he choose this ring?

Whether you love or hate the ring, knowing the OP in person for a few weeks I bet none of us would have chosen this ring for her.

It’s the 9ct gold that’s gives it the Argos vibe as it has a more brassy colour than 24ct gold.