I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

[Marooney]

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

@Marooney I think the rings you picked are pretty.

I love vintage rings as well!

Maybe it's what it says about the man and his attitude.

It shrieks 'I needed to buy an engagement ring and this fits the bill'. It's quite bland and doesn't look like he's put a lot of thought into it.

I don't like the concept of engagement rings and didn't have one, but I am so confused by people who think you ought to just be grateful even if you don't like the ring.

This is a very clever solution! Just wanted to add though : I did not like my engagement ring when I first saw it - thought it was way too big and showy* - and now it is my favourite thing I own. Is there any chance at all that it might grow on you?

** I realise this sounds like that like in friends were chandler jokes about his diamond shows being too tight, but it just wasn't my style (I thought).

They are tacky though! 😖

It's a nice enough ring but very plain/simplistic - so for me it lacks some pizazz. But that's because it's not to my taste and someone else might love it because of that. It's not your style and I'd say that's OK. I like the rings you posted OP! So we probably have similar taste and in your shoes I'd be disappointed too. Although I can understand not wanting to come across as ungrateful.

My DH is clueless about jewellery, we picked out a ring together beforehand (I know some say this is unromantic but meh!). My ring was a few hundred quid off eBay. It's an antique yellow gold diamond flower ring - quite small/dainty (I have small hands) and very sparkly. I adore it. It took the stress off of him because he knows I'm particular!! 😆

I know you can't go back in time. But I think your DH would have been better to get a super cheap/costume ring (like from Claire's Accessories or similar!!) and have proposed with that and then chosen a "proper" ring together. I think that's quite a sweet compromise personally. And avoids disappointment!

Being practical - he's said if you don't like it you can change it. So the best suggestion by far is to see if you can get store credit to use for wedding rings (either yours or both) if possible, and to get another engagement ring elsewhere that you do like. It's not like you want a really expensive one instead and are being grabby. It sounds like he won't be put in a difficult financial situation as a result either which would be the other consideration for me when deciding whether to say something. I know you've told him you like it, but I think it's fine to say - actually now I have had time to think about it, it's a pretty ring but it's really not me/my style - can we look at changing it please?

That's what I'd do anyway.

Ridiculous comment

Congratulations! Have you asked the store if they have catalogues from suppliers (or a modern equivalent) as sometimes they can order other rings/jewellery in, they just don't stock them all the time. Worth an ask!

Otherwise I like the idea of using the credit to pay for wedding bands.

I hope you end up with the pretty vintage ring you're picturing!

I have fat fingers and wear my wedding ring below my engagement ring which is a similar style (in white gold). While you get that, could you wear a simple (but not wedding-y) band below it to make it bulkier?

I designed my engagement and wedding ring (with DH at the appts with me!) and they bring me joy every time I look at them.

Solitaire rings would also not be my style and I would feel sad if my DH hadn't realised that.

You deserve to have something you love and that doesn't have to mean spending more - you've made it clear cost isn't the issue.

I think the styles you have shown us are lovely, but most important, they are very different to what you've been given.

It’s not harsh, it’s factual. If OP had bought her DP an expensive watch that he wanted t change because it didn’t suit his wrist people would be shouting red flag, selfish bastard and other such things. Perhaps OP should have communicated better with him the type of rings she likes.

Your ring is almost identical to mine. I spent days searching for mine, I wanted something understated, and also something practical, that wouldn’t catch especially in pockets. Something I could wash up wearing. The result is I never take it off. I really love it too. I might get something a wee bit flashier for our 20th wedding anniversary in a couple of years.

The ones you’ve picked, obviously not too everyone’s taste but anyway I’d think about how often you’d have to take it off.

I think it's lovely and classy, wish it was mine. I do hope it grows on you xx

Wow, how rude. Maybe the man didn’t have the money for something big and flashy. Maybe he thought she’d like it.

I think it's gorgeous and very suited to your slim fingers. I'd choose a wedding ring with lots of diamontes to set it off.

Also in a few years you could get a nice clingy sort of eternity ring and wear it on your other hand. I think your solitaire sitting in all that gold would look just fine xx

You have lovely slim fingers x

Clingy should say clingy.

Blingy......

I think people should get a say in their engagement ring! I’d feel the same.

Just a few thoughts:

1. You need a bigger budget for what you want. Even if you increase to £1k you could get more
2. If budget can’t increase go for moisannite or consider a diamond with a halo. Lots of small stones cost less than a solitaire.
3. Don’t get a pearl! You need something that will withstand a lifetime of wear so it needs to be a tougher stone. Ensure you buy something sturdy, well made and be careful on Etsy.

I hope you’re ok. Big congrats and don’t let people on here make you feel bad for being a bit disappointed xxx

there's zero chance I'd pootle around this earth for literal decades wearing a ring I actively disliked. Non!

I wouldn't let a man choose a pair of shoes, that might last me two years, never mind an engagement ring.

Pft.

Maybe the shop could obtain something to your taste? Even though they don't actually stock anything you like?

But surely there can't be anything more romantic and traditional than a cynical marketing campaign started by the leading supplier of blood diamonds because they had lots of big rocks to shift during the Depression?

Is it really that different to the one you want?

Oh these are beautiful - you have lovely taste!

I find it really weird that men think they can just go and buy a ring without input from the recipient. I thought this was something that happened 50 years ago.

I'd hate that. I'd find it quite creepy tbh. I think getting a voucher for wedding rings that you choose together would be best. OP needs to find a ring SHE likes, not what her boyfriend likes.