I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

[Marooney]

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

This

The average cost of an engagement ring in the UK is around £2000 according to Google, might be less where you are. I don’t understand the diamond thing though, I think it’s better to have either have an actual diamond, or if finances are tight then a vintage ring or a different stone . I understand why you are disappointed, an engagement ring is a meaningful thing that you will wear all your life, so it should be something personal to you, whereas yours is very simple and neutral but too plain for your taste given the styles you like.
I think just tell him, that you are very happy to be engaged but you don’t love the ring. Exchange it for a simple wedding ring, and choose a different engagement ring together.

I had a very similar situation and did end up getting another ring. My husband didn't feel sentimental about what he'd chosen so after working myself up to the conversation for weeks, he really wasn't bothered and was happy for me to choose another one. I ended up paying because it wasn't about the money at all, it was wanting to love the item of jewellery I am hopefully going to wear on my hand every day forever. As an aside I then got talked out of getting a pearl ring by the shop assistant and am still bitter about it 15 years on, so definitely go for a beautiful pearl ring.

The idea to exchange the ring for wedding rings and get the engagement ring you want is excellent.

I think you are worrying about it too much - just tell your partner that you are so excited to be engaged but you would like to exchange the ring for a style that you already had in mind. No need to say anything negative about his ring and I don't think he will be that bothered. You don't want to wear a ring that makes you feel sad and disappointed for the rest of your life!

For what it's worth I love it and would like an engagement ring in a similar style but each to their own - it needs to be right for you.

It’s maybe an old fashioned view but I always was told by my late DM who worked in a jewellers for many years that an engagement ring should cost the equivalent of the month’s salary that the man earns.I don’t like that ring OP and I think your BF is a cheap skate. It would be fair enough if you had chosen that ring yourself and were happy with it but you are not. I also agree with PP on choosing a ring together after the proposal. It’s a seems a modern trend the man solely choosing the engagement ring.

Could they order you a different one in?

I think that's beautiful. I hate showy rings and mine is very similar. However. If you don't like it, please tell him

This was invented as a marketing ploy by DeBeers to sell more diamonds.

@TheRealSlimShandy - I was about to say the same! He's not a cheap skate. OP has posted some gorgeous rings upthread for under £1k, and I have a beautiful vintage diamond ring which cost £350.

My DH got married after 15 years together so actually bought engagement ring and wedding band at same time. I always fancied a three diamond bevel cut ring but when tried it on hated how it looked on my finger. Tried it with a wedding band and it looked different altogether. I loved the two together, still do. We had a very short 'engagement' i did not wear or show anyone the ring until he put it on my finger with the wedding band when we got married! Try it with a babd you like before deciding maybe?

The value of rings is so weird anyway. The exact one DH got me for 750 pounds now retails at 2K. It definitely looks that expensive and I know he was very lucky with timing / sales etc but just because something has a hefty price tag doesn't mean it's a nicer ring anyway.

Hope you’ve been able to change it OP, I think the rings you like are gorgeous and it’s your engagement ring- you should have something you love. We chose mine together, which was nice.

It looks very pretty and your partner carefully selected it. You risk hurting his feelings if you reject it and it might not bode well for the way your relationship goes in future. . An obsession with material things - watches, rings, cars, whatever - is rather sad in my view.

I didn’t like my engagement ring and now 10 years later I still regret not just telling him at the time. I actually don’t even wear it anymore.
Definitely exchange it for something you like, it’s your hand it’ll be living on for the rest (hopefully) of your life.

Your engagement ring is like mine. I too wasn’t keen on it at first either and returned it for a white gold colour. However, I just couldn’t settle and realised it was because I actually wanted the ring my husband chose. I exchanged it back! I’ve been wearing it all day, everyday for the past 16 years because it sits so nicely with my wedding band (as the setting is small), is comfortable and is practical; I don’t need to worry about wearing it washing up, or whether it would catch putting on clothes, or scratch my children or whether it goes with my outfit. I love it because my husband chose it for me too and it symbolises our love. But I do get how you feel. Maybe swapping it might make you appreciate what a good choice it is as a ring for the rest of your life? You can always wear other rings of your choice on other fingers or hands. Good luck and congratulations.

He only proposed yesterday! Give the man a chance.

@Growlybear83

I'm shocked by people saying that £420 is really cheap for a ring.

It IS a low price for a man who would spend that amount on 2 meals out (as the OP claims.) Read her posts!

At 15.33 today @Marooney said

The ring was £420 😆 and he could spend that on 2 dinners out, he's very generous actually..

So he is allegedly 'very generous' - so much so that he can easily spend £420 on 2 meals out, but then spends £420 on an engagement ring. 😐

I would be offended and insulted if a man I was dating, bought me an engagement ring, and only spent the same as he would spend on 2 meals out.

Clearly £420 is fuck-all to the OP's man! What he is saying is that he is not prepared to spend any more on an engagement ring for her, than he would spend on 2 meals out!

!

I think just be honest and lighthearted about it. It doesn’t sound like he will be that bothered. I assume what matters to him is whether you are thrilled with the proposal and the idea of marrying him, not whether you love the ring. I really don’t think he’ll care if you choose something else together and as a pp cleverly suggested get the wedding rings as an exchange.

@Marooney I really like the rings you have said you like, especially the one on the top right hand side.

I know everyone has their own taste but for @Growlybear83 to say your choices are tacky, beggars belief! I would much rather have one of the ones you have chosen, than the one your fiancé has chosen.

@Christwosheds

The average cost of an engagement ring in the UK is around £2000 according to Google, might be less where you are. I don’t understand the diamond thing though, I think it’s better to have either have an actual diamond, or if finances are tight then a vintage ring or a different stone

Yep, the ring the OP has shown us (that her partner has bought) is not a diamond. It's cubic zirconia. No way would a gold diamond ring - with a diamond that size - cost £420!

Yanbu

However I think it looks lovely.

BTW, I had a similar experience. My husband got a ring that I didn't immediately like too much (not unlike your ring but with sapphire, and ive got really chunky farmer hands). A couple of years on, I really love it and its on my hand 24.7. In the end, I decided I loved it because he picked it. But, I would say I am not overly fussy, so I understand if it's a bigger deal for you.

I wouldn't have liked to be presented with a ring . I'm glad that I was given the choice to choose my own .

I have to say that I like the look of it on your hand too, it's classic and very pretty, however, you don't like it so that's all that matters! I like the idea of exchanging it for two wedding bands; brilliant suggestion btw. and then choosing an engagement ring that you love and which looks good with the band. I'm actually surprised your fiancé went out on his own and bought it without your input, so hopefully won't mind that you don't love his taste in rings. Congrats btw, I hope you find the ring that you'll love to wear forever.

I think you've received some excellent advice. The people calling your fiance a cheapskate are horrible though!

My husband spent less on my engagement ring than yours did. I'd have been so angry if he'd spent thousands on it! The months salary rule is insane... we have a mortgage, kids and a life to live!

This - I far prefer any of the rings you've chosen than the one he got you,@Marooney . But that's just my taste, which seems to be similar to yours.

Very rude of you @Growlybear83 to say the rings the OP likes are tacky!