I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

[Marooney]

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

It's not about what he spent on it

I think it's beautiful, classic & timeless. BUT you are the one who has to wear it & if you don't love it that's a shame. Only you know how your fiance will react to you saying you want a different ring.....please update on his reaction

I think the idea to exchange it for wedding bands for both of you and to find another engagement ring that is more you is a good one.

If you choose the other rings together I don't think it will be too upsetting for your fiancé. Only thing to bear in mind is that you are then both constrained to getting the wedding rings from a shop that you don't find particularly inspiring.

It's disappointing but it's no surprise. Competitive martyrdom is practically an Olympic sport on MN.

If one were so inclined, there is probably quite a lot to unpack for those pp who have never felt able to speak up about their own engagement rings, have spent decades wearing jewellery they dislike, and now seek to validate their own disappointments by telling the OP to put up and shut up. Perhaps that's for another day.

He isn't domineering at all and you've bizarrely misread or totally misunderstood my comments about the necklace which he chose perfectly with the help of my inspo pics.

No he's not a chauvinist either. Just doesn't know my taste

How much thought went into it, though? Doesn't sound like he tried to find out her taste etc, or spent ages trawling shops

I had never even considered this problem but my DH made the jeweller try on the ring next to a wedding band to make sure they would sit flush. I was impressed he'd considered it and I'm happy he did.

Well it looks like mine, so I really like it! Simple but stylish.

There’s nothing wrong with a simple ring, small budget, a 9ct, a chain shop, a small diamond, or a lab grown. But in combination it certainly isn’t shouting ‘thoughtful’.

I would be annoyed tbh.

And I do like the ring style actually. And myself have a smaller diamond. So none of that bothers me.

OP have you actually tried on the styles you say you like? Because like you I had picked out some rings and when I actually tried on similar styles to what I thought I liked they looked absolutely awful on me! I have big fingers and big diamonds looked horrendous, almost like they drew attention to my horribly shaped fingers, it was weird! Could you maybe book an appointment to try on rings with a friend in a shop somewhere and fully decide what you like before ruling this one out?

@Marooney
Congratulations on your engagement!
It's a shame you don't like your ring, but be careful with pearls if you do change it. I remember my mother telling me that they shouldn't be washed; she had pearls in her engagement ring and had to take it off every time she washed her hands. As a result she nearly lost/left it behind several times!

@Marooney your engagement ring is very similar to mine, only a bigger diamond.

Like you I didn't love my ring as I wanted a princess cut 1 carat diamond on a platinum band and I got 0.25 solitaire (it is a real diamond) on 18ct gold which cost £275 half price in a closing down sale.

Paired with my wedding ring it looks so much better, like it's meant to be but I do understand your disappointment and not feeling happy with his choice.

I now love my current ring as its actually my 2nd engagement ring - the first one was fake stones and too big and glitzy for my taste so I had to explain I didn't like the first one (which he eventually sold)

I guess what im saying is speak up now and as PP suggested propose to him that you use the credit for wedding rings and get the ring you want now. Narrow it down to 3 or 4 you love and let him select the final one.

Congratulations 🎊

That's all good then.

Sorry x

Not helpful, but I really do think it's absolutely beautiful!

I did this! When he proposed it was a total surprise. He asked if I liked the ring and then a little later, he said he spent a little more on it than he expected. So we got a refund from the shop and went to Hatton Garden a few weeks later to pick a ring (for half the price!). So I am most definitely good value for money.

It's similar to mine, which was bought 20 years ago. It has never gone out of fashion. Mine isn't large because we didn't have much money back then - 1/5 carat, but that has never bothered me. You have your whole life ahead of you to buy other rings; I've got a couple of lab diamond rings in different cuts that I wear if I want something a bit flashier.

The thing is we blokes are dumb when it comes to ladies clothes, perfume and jewellery. With age we learn that when it comes to any of the above you have either be told what to buy and preferably with pictures and item location or go with your partner and keep your mouth shut until spoken to.
You don’t want to hurt his feelings but you can’t wear something that just does not work for you, so you love the stone but the mount and the band just isn’t quite right, uncomfortable. So how does he feel having the stone mounted into a pendant because it’s something you want to cherish and we can sit down together and pick a dress ring to mark the occasion.

These rings are really beautiful. I can see why you don’t love the ring you have as the style is worlds apart. I hope you end up with a ring that’s more ´you’ seeing as you’ll be wearing it every day for the rest of your life.

Thought the same. It’s very classic - it’s not a modern looking ring.
Sound like you have certain taste in mind, why don’t you exchange it for something else and buy the ring elsewhere?

You can always choose a more flamboyant wedding band to go with it.

Ignore people being horrid to you.

I don’t like the ring either (as someone said above it does have Argos vibes) but if you loved it, no problem.

It sounds like this isn’t a huge spend for you DP - so can you either swap for wedding rings, or if you can’t see any that you like, maybe earrings and a chain that may work for your wedding day plus a wedding ring just for DH?

I felt similarly about my similar ring but chose to say I was happy with it. Once it had a plain wedding band and a diamond set band either side it has made a lovely wide stack of three rings that sits really well together and feels nice and chunky but practical. Perhaps ask for a cocktail ring as a present for the other hand.

Be honest. Let’s face it most men haven’t spent months trawling the shops and web for a perfect ring. Sounds like this guy just went to the shop and bought a generic ring. Just be honest

I think the one he has chosen will have more longevity and more practical as an "everyday" ring. The pearl ones look like party rings that you couldnt wear to do any practical tasks. One knock could shatter the pearl. Why not treat yourself to something like that for fun?

I wouldn't be happy with tiny inexpensive diamond but I think the ring looks good on you TBH. I can't tell from the picture you've given that it's tiny or cheap!! I think I'd just feel meh about a £400 ring. I liked having an expensive ring, bit of a status symbol. Only very discerning people can tell you've got a nice ring though.

I don't wear my ring nowadays. It irritates my skin.

I think it would be nicer to use the ring he got you rather than asking to exchange it. £400 is not so much that you can't afford to wear it for the time being and get something else longer term rather than being rude about your partner's choice. I don't think other people would judge that ring badly either. I wouldn't say it's delicate at all.

Bless you! It is giving Argos. I hope you sort it out OP