I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

[Marooney]

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

Are you for real? So many people are materialistic and do everything for show/others ... very sad way to live.

The ones you've shown are lovely - as is the one he chose (just a different style of lovely).

All of us know our own 'style' and he's just not quite got there that's all.

I'm sure he'll understand - after all he wants you to wear this for the rest of your life so it's got to be something you love to see on your finger.

For the record, I'm with a few others on here. My DH proposed but produced a 'ring from a cracker' as the ring. We'd joked about it when I got the ring at a Christmas party a few months before. He got teased by some friends that it was 'a sign' and I wore it for the night as a hint! He'd managed to save it and kept it 'just in case' and produced it on holiday when he proposed. I wore it every day on that holiday and still have it in a drawer 22 years later.

Then we went out to buy the ring together so that I got exactly what I wanted. We bought a matching wedding ring for me whilst we were there.

I would really prefer DH to wear something that was special to him rather than half heartedly wear something I'd chosen. We can't know every thought in our loved ones head.

I think it's beautiful, very classic.
Remember you're going to have a wedding ring on the same finger too eventually so you could choose something bigger and a bit more unique

@Marooney i think all the rings you've uploaded photos of are ghastly. I can understand people not sharing the same taste, but all of these ones just look tacky.

I'm shocked by people saying that £420 is really cheap for a ring. Maybe that's the case on Mumsnet, but in the real world most people would be thrilled with a ring costing that much and with the thought that had gone into it.

I agree with this. ^ When a wedding band is alongside the ring, it will look fine. A chunky-ass engagement ring with a wedding band looks shite IMO.

Like this.

Lovely.

Much prefer them!

Mine is similar to the 2nd but all diamonds.

Love the 4th one!

Definitely tell him. It should be a ring that you love because you’re the one who is planning to wear it for the rest of your life. His two hours of choosing is nothing compared to you wearing it for 50+ years.

My DH didn’t dare try to choose my engagement ring. He knows that I’m fussy. We went to many jewellers and I tried on many different styles of rings to find what suited my hand and what I liked. We then narrowed the search in on that style until we found one within his price range and that I wanted. Nearly 25 years later I still like it.

Tell him. Today. Take the ring off and put it in its box so it’s in perfect condition for exchanging at the jeweller.

My concerns over this @Marooney are that your partner appears to make decisions without talking to you first.

You've posted that he also ignored your 'wishes' about a necklace a while back and bought what he wanted!

If this is a trend in your relationship, does it bode well for the future?

You've mentioned a cultural difference too. How is that affecting your relationship? Does he feel 'men know best' and women should 'know their place'?

If it were me, I'd be worried he was domineering.

This is only my personal take on it but I think women should choose their own rings with some knowledge of the budget. And I know of women who contribute to the cost to get the ring they really want.

When DH proposed to me, we were living long distance. I looked at a few rings without him (window shopping) and then we went to buy one together.
It wasn't my ideal ring as we didn't have the budget for that.

Now, we do have the budget (35 years on) and I could have one far more expensive (like a lovely 1carat solitaire) but I'm not really bothered!

I'm just concerned for you that your partner is making this 'all about him'.

Since you really don't like the ring, I think it's best to tell your fiance and find a way of changing it for something you do like; swapping it for wedding band(s) might be the only way, if you're not keen on the other items in the shop. He might be upset, but he made a bad decision buying an engagement ring that can't be returned, and you may have a lifetime of unusable birthday and Christmas gifts ahead of you if you don't explain that your taste in jewellery isn't always the same as his. You could also tell him all the things that you love and admire about him.

Just because you haven’t seen it, doesn’t mean anything.

Yes it does. It means every woman I know who has an engagement ring (and is married,) wears the bloody engagement ring as well as the wedding band! 🙄

Just because the Princess of Wales wasn't wearing her engagement ring in the video yesterday, it doesn't mean anything.

The ones you've picked OP are gorgeous 🥰

Love the antique style

But not the OP! Nothing to suggest that here.

I think it looks beautiful. Timeless.

Sorry, but you have to wear it for life ( hopefully!) so you have to like/love it. I hated the ring my now hubby proposed with so I told him, we had a chuckle about him having to return it then we went out and chose something together.

I would say if you can to use the jewellers for your wedding rings and get something you prefer or that is more you.

I never ever wore mine, it’s beautiful and I have a lovely wedding ring too, platinum and diamonds. I don’t wear jewellery so never wore them, they are in a drawer.

@3luckystars - if they're beautiful, why have you never worn them?.

My husband proposed with a wee ring from Next then when we returned (was on holiday) we went shopping for my real ring ! Win win !!

I don’t wear jewellery. It makes me
feel uncomfortable and I don’t like the feeling of it on me.

To the OP I absolutely love the photos of the other rings you like and I’m sure your future husband would want you to love it, so good luck tonight and get something that makes you really happy x

Or, of course, you could just buy a curved wedding band instead of a bling one. Unless that doesn't suit the narrative of course...

Say you really like it and it was a lovely thing to do but you don’t love it and you want it to be something you instantly love. I like idea of changing it for wedding bands or just try and ask for a refund.

If he’s said you can change it and wants you to be happy with it then can’t see a real issue. You can’t help it if it’s not your style. Plus I think it’s much nicer when the couple choose together.

No it means she doesn’t like it according to you

This anecdote might be useful for others, especially boys, planning to avoid this situation. I proposed by handwritten letter, handed over at an appropriate time of saying goodnight after a date. That gave my gf time to think (although it would be super to go for a spoken request and instant response...but difficult if there are doubts...I reckoned it was going to be a big decision). On our next time-off, (she had half a day per fortnight) we went together to a large, and reputable, jewellers, and she chose and tried things out. I paid (the shopkeeper was very discrete!). My salary was £300 a year at the time, but I remain proud of the way it worked...and it still worn (except for housework!), and shines, after 60 years. She knew it was all I (we) could afford. I have no idea how you convey such a yarn, in good time, to the likely chap. Good luck folks!

Just dont be engaged for to long.

Chose the wedding rings together

Yabu. Your fiancee has taken time to pick a ring and spent money on it yes it's not a huge amount to spend on a ring but he picked it for you. Pick your own wedding ring and balance it out

Well surely that's the point.. different strokes for different folks