I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

[Marooney]

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

I think as you feel strongly about it you should just tell him gently that you'd like to look at different rings and choose something that's more you. Say you could make a day of it and get him an engagement gift of his choice too. Women spend ages tying themselves up in knots about being polite/not hurting feelings and most men don't give a fuck. Either he won't care if you change it, or he will care but put your feelings first, because at the end of the day it's just a ring. Or third option, he will be an arse about it...in which case you might want to reconsider your answer.

I think they are lovely. Vintage art deco cluster diamond rings are not expensive and would give a similar look. Or something like this which is 18ct gold,not 9carat, and natural stones. https://www.antiqueringboutique.com/products/antique-edwardian-diamond-and-pearl-cluster-ring-18ct-yellow-gold

I think it’s a rare man who can choose a ring unless he’s quite stylish himself.
I can absolutely understand your disappointment.
If you could change the ring for two gold wedding bangs and then choose another ring for you….
I love the rings you have picked for yourself. You can see you like more of a chunkier style.
I know some men can be quite easy to offend on these matters but if you are getting married then surely it’s better to be honest now than to walk around wearing a ring you don’t like.
If things were in reverse, would you want him to wear something that wasn’t his style?
Just tell him and it’s not a rejection of what he is chosen, just note of a chunkier ring suits your hand and personal style.
Better that than him finding out a few years in.

I'd get a different piece of jewellery you do like from the shop as an exchange, then choose a ring together as we did. I went for an antique one as well

I had a similar situation with an ex (although we had talked about the type of ring I’d like and he actively decided to buy something completely different because the stone was better quality - so he had good intentions). I told him, not immediately but I think he knew before I did anyway. I really regret that now. The relationship ended (for unrelated reasons!) but he was and is a good man and I know I hurt him. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but given my same situation again I would say nothing and would love the ring because of its giver.

That's a beauty, @AncientAndModern1 - the lustre on the pearls is gorgeous. Not a crazy price either, cheaper than many generic white gold solitaires we see so many of..

Bless him ! He tried!

(Men, they're damned if they do and they're damned if they don't...)

The rings you like are beautiful! The one he chose is meh, I wouldn’t have liked it either. I’m unsure why everyone is so concerned about
him being upset but you spending the rest of your life wearing a ring you don’t like is fine. Tell him you’ve tried it out but it just isn’t you, and you’d like to change it for something that feels more celebratory and to your taste.

Tbh I love that ring. But you never will - so just talk to him.

He's not a child. It's an important item, and he should have taken her with him to the shop, or asked her to identify preferred styles.

Just be cautious about pearl rings. Pearls aren't robust like diamonds and won't stand up to constant wear.

£360 isn't cheap? Aside from which, its value doesn't lie in its cost. I mean, my wedding band is made from a literal shilling & the other ring I wear (from DH) was handmade by a jeweller friend using a stone I adore & cost much more but it's value to me is the same 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think if you have rejected other jewellery offerings in the past, he should be used to it now (and I cannot believe he did not ask for some hints). Perhaps say that it IS beautiful, but not the style you usually wear and will be lost among your statement pieces. Show him the pictures of the ones you like and tell him that you want your engagement ring to be something that you love almost as much as him (yeah, I know - I am trying here!) and that it will not be hidden behind your other pieces of jewellery. Go along the lines of exchanging the existing one for two wedding bands, and go shopping together for your new one. Give him some options and ask him to choose the one he prefers. Then he still has input.

I think you’ve had some unfair responses, I hear you 🙋‍♀️ Jewellery is like art, it’s subjective. I’d hate someone choosing for me, I know what I like better than anyone else because I’m fickle.
Tell him, be honest, channel your inner Rachel Green and ask for the receipt.

I’m quite tempted myself! Less than £1k is great value I think.

It doesn’t matter if anyone here thinks the ring is lovely-OP doesn’t and it’s her who has to wear it forever.
OP be gentle but honest with him. The longer you leave it the worse it’ll be. FWIW I agree about the original ring and love the styles you’ve chosen-they’ve very different and I totally get why the original isn’t your style.

This is a great idea - you'll need to buy them anyway, so saves you money

It’s cheap for an engagement ring. Especially from a man who happily pay that for two dinners. A remodel would cost more than its value and could never make it into her style. The point is, whatever it cost, she doesn’t like it. There are rings made from better quality materials, in her style that are still affordable

This is why I think men should propose without a ring and that shopping for it is part of the process.

Tbh though I wouldn’t get a pearl ring as you won’t be able to wear it all the time.

Back in the day, couples used to go and choose a ring together, which is a far better idea.

Agreed, choosing a ring together should be an ‘event’ not “here’s a ring bought from Argos in under 2 hours, wear it for life and be grateful, it’s irrelevant whether you like it or not” as many seem to be saying on here.

Earlu in the engagement but u could both choose your wedding rings from there. Or perhaps consider making this years xmas presants jewellry ( whilst keeping within your usual per person budjet) would your partner perhaps like an engagement ring/ watch/ cufflinks. Tbh i hated my engagement ring but i didnt have the heart to say to my partner. Then after a while i started to think about how he went out shopping ( he hates shopping) just so he could find something that would make me smile. He would have been imaging all sorts of nice soppy stuff and it was all about me.To explain better when my parents got married they had no money (1958) so my mums wedding ring was a very cheap narrow ring. At the time my dad promised my mum that 1 day he would buy her a better 1. Well he did - he was so chuffed with himself my mum thought it was lovely. But refused to take off the original. That was the 1 that had real meaning to her she wore the exspensive ring on her right hand good luck and try not to be too downcast just think the man you love wants to spend the rest of his life with you. YOU only you. You are his 'forever person' wishing both of you the very best of luck in your future lives together

I’d be upset if my partner didn’t know what I wanted.
I can’t stand when ppl say well I love the ring, totally missing the point.
doesn’t sound very thoughtful of him

It all sounds a bit Gerald Ratner doesn’t it? the CEO who boasted an M&S sandwich cost more than Ratners jewellery and probably lasted longer.

@Marooney

ooh I like no 2

I feel you really do need to tell him tonight, I am sure he wants you to be happy
and he wants you to wear a ring as a sign of his commitment and your love for / to each other

so surely it makes sense to have / wear a ring you love !

and want to show, that's usually the first thing someone asks when someone is newly engaged ' oh can I see the ring ' and the person then ( dutifully ) admires it

Your partner wouldn't want you to have to wear a ring you didn't really like, even if he did choose it. He will hardly give it a second look but you will, every day.