I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

[Marooney]

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

Well we literally talked about it the day before so I wasn't expecting this :(

I mean about getting engaged, not the ring

I didn't say it was? Please read my OP again

@Marooney so you need to tell him sooner rather than later. The longer you delay this, he will just assume that you like the ring.

Just tell him you love him and you can't wait to get married. Can we choose a ring together.

The longer you leave this, the harder it will be to address.

I know lots of women who don’t regularly wear an engagement ring. My own DM only wears a band.

I know others who wear it on occasion, not always.

The POW in her video released yesterday, wasn’t wearing her engagement ring. Does that mean she doesn’t like her ring?

Just because you haven’t seen it, doesn’t mean anything

Meghan clearly disliked her engagement ring and had it remodelled, despite Harry being pleased as punch with his design for ‘mummy’s diamonds’. He still seems quite keen on his wife.

Also think this is a good solution

My exh just proposed with a wedding band so could be worse!

Another one to say that your feelings are completely valid BUT I think it's a beautiful, classic ring that won't "date" if that makes sense. It could look lovely paired with a more detailed wedding band.

I’m really curious as to the kind of ring you would like. Would you mind sharing some examples? I like jewellery and I’m nosy!

Its a shame he didn't have more of a conversation with you to try to understand what you would like, but does sound like he tried his best. I think often people proposing feel pressured into the idea that an engagement ring has to be a diamond on a band. That also wasn't my style. My engagement ring is technically an eternity ring, with sapphires and diamonds. I didn't want anything that 'stuck up' like the traditional diamond engagement ring, and also find the traditional engagement rings really quite boring and samey.

I think just be honest with him - he sounds really reasonable. I like the idea I read up-thread about getting your wedding rings from the shop instead

Not sure what you mean, what options? The shop has a very limited selection of rings in a similar style that I simply don't like and wouldn't suit me or make me smile to look at. I wouldn't expect him (or me) to buy me another one while just putting the ring in a drawer and throwing the money away

I’d honestly just tell him you don’t like it. You wear your engagement ring every day, you love and trust him enough to marry him so you should love and trust him enough to be honest.
Ex DH was well primed to not propose with an engagement ring, I wanted to choose my own and he loved me enough to respect that. I wouldn’t have married him if he hadn’t - plus engagement ring shopping is fun!
I love the idea of exchanging for wedding bands.
Good luck and congrats.

I don’t wear my engagement ring all the time either. I do way too many craft thins with my hands, and if I kept it on all the time, it’d be banged around and flecked with glue and paint!

I can't believe people are suggesting you should feel so grateful, that you should lie for the rest of your life that you like it.

Why? Grateful to be proposed to ? Given a gift?

I wouldnt wear it either.

I'd find a way to tell him. "I've been thinking and it's not me... and I can't be dishonest about this forever."

😂😂😂

Sure, here are a couple I like. Now people are gonna tell me how hideous they are and better stick with the one I've got 😆

If I felt as you do about the ring I'd find a jeweller who would rework it for me. The materials will still be those that he bought for you but the style would be yours.

An utterly bizarre take. The OP has to wear it forever!

Who cares what anyone else thinks?

I think it’s lovely and looks great on your finger and lovely hand.Congratulations to you both. 💍🥂

Yes, stylistically they are very different.

Are you actually going to talk to him about wanting to change rings? The more you delay, the harder it will be

Remodelling would cost more than a cheap ring is worth

Yes, tonight I think

This is one of those lose lose situations.

If you tell him you don't like it, it's a bit shitty as you said he spent 2 hours choosing it and even if he says he doesn't mind, it still shows that despite him going to the effort to choose it for you, he clearly doesn't know you well enough!

And if you don't tell him, then you are stuck with a ring you don't like.

I think it's really pretty.

BUT, YABU because this is entirely your fault. You said yourself it had been in the pipelines, so you've had a while to do the whole "Ohhh, if we get married, I'd love an engagement ring like this..." thing. That way he would have been able to choose something you liked.

I don't like it much either OP. The gold is nice but the overall ring is dull. I'm very picky and would hate not to have any input on my ring tbh. It sounds like you weren't consulted at all or your taste considered. I'd be honest, take it back and ask if the exchange can go towards your wedding rings and look for an engagement ring together.

It is only an object but if you want to wear it every day it should spark some feeling when you look at it. I don't actually have a property engagement ring atm. DH had to shell out some serious money for something urgent and had to spend his ring fund. I told him to- he needed that, I didn't need a ring, as much as I wanted one. We got engaged using a family ring from my side. I'm fine with this and wear it happily, but whilst my mum gushes about how special it is, I feel no attachment to it as an "engagement" ring although I describe it as such for technical reasons and even though I loved wearing it as an inherited piece on my right hand. I can't wait until I FINALLY get to shift it back and choose one myself and I have schooled DH that it will be a trilogy- I can't stand single stones unless they're literally diamonds as big as the Ritz.

For contrast my wedding ring is also an heirloom and l love that- because I chose to wear it. I knew when I saw it, before I even knew DH.

@Marooney I absolutely love those ring choices! The pearl one 😍.
Back in the day, couples used to go and choose a ring together, which is a far better idea.
I tried on quite a lot before settling. You'll be wearing it for many years, so it's an important choice.
So I think you should have an honest conversation and show him those pictures you've posted above. Great idea to get wedding bands from the shop, and an engagement ring from elsewhere.