I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

[Marooney]

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

I can't see that it's worth doing that with a small lab diamond with no sentiment value, better just to start again

Don't listen to anyone saying you should be happy.
Have an honest discussion. Maybe use the store credit for wedding rings or future gifts. But do something!
It's a long time to wear jewellery you don't like!
You are not unreasonale for not liking it. Getting engaged is a big deal and we like what we like!!

I appreciate your view, but I do want to wear my engagement ring, and I don't see how it's spoilt to exchange for something that's not more expensive?

If he is a man who could easily spend £420 on 2 dinners out, why did he spend such a piffling amount on an engagement ring? He is quite clearly loaded.🙄

I mean £420 is a good chunk of money, but if a man who could afford to spend nearly half a grand on 2 meals spent a poxy £420 on my engagement ring, it would give me 'stingy fucker' vibes.

Don't like them unfortunately!

I don't love mine either, it's not horrible. It's just very plain, but then again I did say that I didn't want him wasting loads of money on a ring when I'd rather go on holiday or get the bathroom done, so he didn't, and I'm ok with that. It's more about what it represents anyway, he have children so I didn't see spending a load of money on an engagement ring as a responsible way to spend money and I stand by that.

@Twistybranch

Lots of women I know don’t even wear their engagement ring once married and just wear their wedding band.

I have never met one single woman - ever - who doesn't wear their engagement ring. How odd to not wear it. I can only surmise that they hated the engagement ring - like the OP!

I think it will look fine once it's paired with a wedding band and then an eternity ring later.

I know a few women who have had large stones for their engagement rings and they have had difficulty with a wedding band that isn't swamped by the ring.

I like the ring and I don't think it looks too small on your hand.

I think you should be honest and tell him you don't like it OP. I can't believe so many posters are telling you to suck it up. I love my engagement ring but 25 years down the line I still regret not piping up that I didn't like our wedding rings. My BIL bought them as per tradition in my DH's country and I just didn't feel able to say I wanted more expensive ones.

You're going to be looking at it on your finger for hopefully a long time so it really should be something you adore. Love the idea about using the store credit to buy the wedding rings.

Of course, but I'm interested in it and how it makes me feel when I'm looking at it or telling people we're engaged

You don't want to spend the rest of your life not liking your engagement ring. If you're sure it won't grow on you then I think you have thought of a good way ahead.

What you might consider doing is sending your husband-to-be a shortlist of three rings that you really like from etsy makers, and then he can choose one of those so that he is still involved in the choice of engagement ring.

@YankSplaining Yes, London blue topaz is a beautiful shade, sort of like a summer night- when we used to have summers😏!.

I very specifically told DH not to spend much on my ring. I'd rather have something less expensive and put money towards our life together.

Anyone who cares about the cost of a ring rather than the thought behind it, gives me "the ick".

Yes. I think wives automatically taking their husband's name is anachronistic, as is children automatically being given their father's. My children have both my surname and their mother's.

Op, your new fiancé sounds like he’d be pretty pragmatic about the whole thing, from what you’ve said so far. I think you should be honest with him now, much better that than you pretending to love it and then letting it slip at some point further down the line.

Arm yourself with the idea to swap the ring for your wedding bands, and some ideas / pics of rings you love.

Sorry OP if you hate it you are going to have to get it changed or it will just annoy your forever. It's the one piece of jewellery that you have to look at every day for the rest of your life (or until you divorce) and for the first few months you go around showing it to everyone so you do want to like it.

I'd just tell him that you love him to bits, love that he went to the effort of picking it but it just isn't to your taste and does he mind if you change it to another?
If he says yes then just make it happen. So if the ring came from a jewellery shop just take the store credit and use it for a future purchase - mums birthday earrings or necklace for sister etc
If it came from somewhere like argos just get store credit and use it for something in the future for the house.

Meanwhile get on etsy and buy yourself what you like. I bought myself this for my 50th and it was £385 - Edwardian rose cut diamonds. I have big chunky hands too.

Looks like mine, I didn't like it either. I mean objectively it's a nice ring, I just didn't feel anything for it 😂 I just don't wear it now, DH doesn't mind. Neither or us wear any rings in fact.

I was convinced to spend a lot on an engagement ring after reading about how they could be useful stores of value for women in society-collapse situations. I might have been feeling a bit pessimistic.

In the end, she didn't like any of the expensive rings we looked at, so it was fairly cheap. But she likes it and, as far as the ring goes, that's the main thing.

Which is why I think the OP is best to ask for what she wants, in a loving and polite way.

FFS - I genuinely can't believe the amount of posters on here saying @Marooney should just keep quiet and wear a ring she doesn't like.

Her OH spent an hour in a local jeweller, there are no emotional ties to this ring from his side.

If their relationship can't take:
'Darling, I love that you proposed to me and I can't wait to be your wife, however, the engagement ring just isn't quite to my taste, let's choose something together.'........................ then quite frankly, they shouldn't be getting married.

I don’t wear my “engagement ring” all the time. (I was happy to wait until we were married and earning, and I chose the ring I wanted and loved) But my wedding band never leaves my finger. It’s simply not something I ever felt comfortable gardening, cleaning, doing other dirty jobs in, or doing anything where I might catch the gem claws and lose a stone, or scratch someone. I tend to save it for going out in, special occasions. There wasn’t the huge choice of wedding bands around when we got hitched, but we opted for Russian style three colour gold, so not just plain bands.
I make jewellery, and a lot of my work comes through repairing damaged jewellery, or re working old pieces and making vintage stuff more wearable for the owner.
If our really don’t like your ring, and can be utterly up front with your loved one, without it causing a big rift, then get the credit for something, and go and choose something together.

@Marooney if you knew a proposal was in the works did you speak to him first?

I know I was a bit worried about what DH would pick so told him clearly what I didn't want (ironically, a small solitaire) and steered him towards alternative stones as I knew his budget was quite small.

In the end he had his own idea of what he wanted to get for me but ran it by me in a long list of rings first. I was very lucky as his choice is way better than what I had suggested. But if I hadn't, I likely would have ended up with exactly what you got.
Still very pretty and I wouldn't have changed it myself but just not as good as it could have been.

I guess it's a moot point now but men are very rarely able to read our brains with engagement rings and yet they often do care and put a lot of thought in, getting it wrong.
You're clearly really disappointed so you'll have to tell him and maybe explain that there might be a cultural difference which means you have to revise your expectations but could you meet half way etc?

@McHot

How can a ring that cost 9k only be worth 1k now?

Yes he has asked, and I've said yes while expressing concern that it's a bit dainty for my hand, but he doesn't get it.
This has happened once before but it was a bday present rather than proposal so I didn't feel so bad about it, though still felt guilty, he was fine though

It’s so weird how someone saying they don’t like the look of a ring makes some posters so frothingly furious. My husband (idiot) thought it would be romantic to propose with a ring. He has zero interest in jewellery and no fashion sense. I had no idea he would do this. He asked a colleague at work for advice and presented me with a ring that was expensive (for him) but hideous with a thick band and the smallest diamond ever in a style that rapidly became dated. I was stupid and didn’t tell him I hated it, but never wore it. I later inherited a beautiful vintage engagement ring which I do love. As others have said, women wouldn’t be expected to be grateful if their boyfriend presented them with a wedding dress they’d chosen and that’s just to wear on one day for, not every day for the rest of your life. Don’t be an idiot like me. Get it sorted. And single women, make it clear you want to choose your own ring. I’m not greedy, I’d have happily paid for mine!

My engagement ring wasn’t pricey, no one could afford that much, but it’s priceless to me, especially since DH died.

It shouldn’t be about the value etc.🤷‍♀️