I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

[Marooney]

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

A few people have mentioned eternity rings. Is this a British thing? I'm in the US and it's not a concept I'm familiar with.

OP, I would be disappointed in your shoes too. I would find that ring to be boring and generic and just not to my taste. My husband asked me before he proposed, just hypothetically whether I would want to pick my own ring out or would prefer it to be a surprise, and I said I would want to pick it myself. This is an expensive item of jewelry that I plan to wear every day for the rest of my life, so I would want to love it!

Maybe you can gently say that although it's a lovely ring it isn't what you would have picked out, and say that as you are planning to wear it every day for the rest of your life you would hope to get something perfect.

Be honest! I hate my engagement ring so I never wear it. I was too young and naive to say anything. Got a wedding band I liked and then later added an eternity ring but the engagement ring rarely gets worn

You're right but it has taken the shine off it a bit unfortunately, I just don't really want to show people as it's not me

See my above comments about carats and price, we're in s.Europe

Diamonds and gold are significantly more expensive in the UK. My husband just upgraded my engagement and wedding rings to a bespoke design for me whilst we were in Egypt, and upon having them valued when we returned to the UK, they are worth double here! If you really don't like it, you need to say so. There is nothing better than looking down at your hand and loving what you see! :)

What about keeping your solitaire, which obviously has a lot of love behind it, but thinking about pairing it with a very unusual wedding band? There are some utterly gorgeous and unusual wedding rings out there now, and this is more likely to be what you wear all the time, and a plain band like your current ring would compliment and go with something very unusual, either with or without gemstones. At a later date, you could get another “engagement” ring, more to your taste, but keep your solitaire to wear on your other hand.

I suspect you’ll not like a new ring either as it will leave a bitter taste in your mouth once you exchange it. I’d try it on with some wedding and eternity rings that you like and see how the whole look is before doing anything else.

I wear gold, the gold isn't the problem! Def don't want a white gold one

There is nothing better than looking down at your hand and loving what you see!

This. I smile every time I look at my set. They aren't big or flashy and they weren't expensive but they're very me and given to me out of love. That's what they should be.

Sadly I agree, the ring does not suit your hand or fingers and it looks basic as opposed to elegant-but-understated. I love vintage set gems and jewellery too. So I understand.

Sorry to agree with your original post.

But it is YOUR ring than your love chose which has meaning, so maybe concentrate on that and get a much more preferential wedding ring. (I'm sure you've received better suggestions already)

No one is actually interested in your ring though, everyone will say "aww congratulations, it's beautiful" (no matter what it looks like) then get on with their day.

He wouldn't want an engagement ring, and he would want me to have one I love, so this is a bit silly

Congratulations on your engagement!

I'd definitely have to let my partner know I didn't like it. If you're not loving the ring you're going to feel conscious showing it off to people which is likely to crop up a bit now.

FWIW DH and I have always been pretty blunt with what we do and don't like, prior to proposing he let me know that he was thinking about buying me a ring and asked if I could send some options over. I sent over 3 styles I liked and he chose what he liked most out of them so it was still a semi surprise.

I absolutely love my engagement ring (ovbiously) and never take it off.

We are having the same situation now with eternity rings- we have been sending links back and forth.

Likewise, he's been hinting at a specific style of watch recently that lines up with an anniversary- I'd way rather he say exactly what he wants than see it gathering dust or having the hassle of returning it.

At the beginning of our relationship he bought me a silver bracelet which I really disliked (I prefer gold) I told him I didn't like it and he took it back- I didn't get a replacement and that's completely fine. There shouldn't be any hard feelings on this kind of stuff.

It’s not a lovely thing though is it if he doesn’t take the time to find out about what OP’s choice of a ring would be. Or inflicts his taste on her. She can’t help it if she doesn’t like it, and she’s the one who has to wear it for life. I think everyone should choose their own engagement ring personally.

I read this and thought - what’s wrong with OP’s shoes? Did he choose them too?? 😂

I’m with you, OP

the diamond solitaire is boring and generic. I think you need to choose something you really like as it will just give you pangs of disappointment every time you look at it.

thankfully it didn’t cost a fortune, so agree you use the money for something else.

its a shame the shop won’t refund. We bought mine from a UK jeweller who gave a full refund within 30 days of it wasn’t what we wanted.

I think the ring looks lovely! But that's irrelevant. I also didn't like the ring my DH chose.
I just told him very nicely how much i appreciated it but that I wanted to wear my engagement ring for the rest of my life so could I exchange it for something that suits me better. He understood.

Sorry, OP, I think you are unreasonable to be honest. My ring is virtually the same, and gold. I don't like gold at all, prefer silver, but he chose it so it stays. Just celebrated our 30th (pearl) anniversary.

He went to the shopping centre near his work, so not really.. but that would have been fine if the ring was more my style. Of course I don't want to hurt him

So because you have worn a ring you dislike for 30+ years you think the OP should have to as well?

It's a beautiful, timeless ring and will look lovely with a plain wedding band. It looks far more tasteful and is much classier than some of the huge vulgar monstrosities that I've seen people post on other threads on here.

I never wore yellow gold until I started wearing my late mother's engagement ring, and although it's not to my taste, I will never stop wearing it because of the sentimental value. I felt the same about my own engagement ring - it was a teeny tiny solitaire, about 2mm across, but because my husband bought it with love, it was my most treasured possession and I would have worn it constantly even if I hadn't liked it.

£420 isn't exactly a paltry amount to spend on a ring and I think you're being incredibly ungrateful. It's really unpleasant to start a thread on a public forum complaining about the ring that your fiancé clearly put a lot of thought into.

I don't really care about bling and sparkle, in fact I've seen some pearl rings that I like. The size matters to me because my style isn't dainty or delicate

I agree with you OP it is a bit meh.

But then I have odd taste in rings. I really hate the idea of the man buying the ring and then proposing.
I was very clear with dh that I wanted to choose the ring I would wear every day.

I have big hands and like chunky rings, wide bands not elegant little slim bands and together my engagement and wedding rings fill the length of the space between hand and knuckle.
I also hate stone settings which stand proud of the ring and catch on everything, so I have a tiny diamond set down into the surface of the band.

Not everyone's style, but it is mine and so I love it. If I had been given the ring in the photo I just would never have worn it, except maybe when out to a party.

Of course it matters that you like it. You have to wear it.

Brilliant idea!!
Hopefully you'll be wearing the engagement ring for a long time so you've got to love it 😜

I agree, but he didn't ask for any ideas or anything. One Christmas I asked for a simple gold chain and sent him photos with ticks on the ones I liked and crosses on the no-nos so he'd get the idea. I would have gladly done this for the ring but he obviously wanted to surprise me