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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

663 replies

Marooney · 10/09/2024 11:56

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)
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Original poster
Marooney · 10/09/2024 15:15

Just to answer some comments-

We live in southern Europe. The ring is from a chain of jewellers in a shopping centre. It is 9k gold with a 0.3k diamond and cost £420, I got the exchange rate wrong earlier.

He could have afforded more but we are from different cultures and maybe that's normal. This post wasn't meant to focus on the cost, and I would be happy with a similar priced one from Etsy. (I guess the combo of it looking a bit Argosy and knowing it didn't cost that much is making me a bit sad though, if I'm honest). He's been married before, his partner suggested marrying as she was pregnant and he rushed out and bought any old rings so somehow he thinks this time he's doing it "right"- proposing to me, choosing a ring etc. I know he has good intentions, I just feel a bit deflated.

He told me he spent a couple of hours choosing it. He really seems to think it's "me", I think he just likes it himself because it doesn't have anything obviously ugly on it. He's not thoughtless and obviously wants me to love it, just a bit clueless about these things, so if he'd spent 2 days rather than 2 hours looking he might still have bought this one.

For my first birthday with him he bought me some jewellery which wasn't me at all, delicate and silver whereas I wear chunkier and gold.. I deliberated overnight and then told him silver doesn't suit my skintone, and we went and chose something else together. He seemed fine about that and admitted what I had chosen was nicer 😄 I just feel bad doing that to him again, especially when it's an engagement ring.

I don't think adding more rings to it will make me like it better sadly, I'd like a really plain band so wanted the engagement ring to be more interesting.

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Original poster
Marooney · 10/09/2024 15:17

outdamnedspots · 10/09/2024 12:08

Congratulations!

I think the ring suits you, and it's classic.

But if you don't like it, then talk to your fiancé!

Shame that the jeweller won't do refunds. Is that even legal??

Could you exchange your ring for wedding bands?

Yes no legal obligation to refund

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Original poster
Marooney · 10/09/2024 15:19

Dolliesdisasterousdayout · 10/09/2024 12:20

I really love the ring. Does your dp know how you feel?

He doesn't know, I don't know how to break it to him

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Original poster
Marooney · 10/09/2024 15:21

Janeir0 · 10/09/2024 12:13

It's lovely but if you don't like it you don't like it. Shocked that there's nothing at all in the shop suitable. Maybe it's a conversation you should have had previously as it sounds like your mind is set on something particular.

It's not that nice a shop to be honest, but I think he thought it was safe as he got me a plain gold chain from there that I love

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IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 10/09/2024 15:21

Marooney · 10/09/2024 15:19

He doesn't know, I don't know how to break it to him

Show quote history

Have you got some examples of what you would like? Could you tell him you really appreciate him trying and for anything else the brief would have been gold and simple. But for this particular piece you always imagined this and show him examples.

Then say you'd like a plain wedding band, so maybe you could use the credit from this ring to buy both wedding bands then go choose your engagement ring together as a fun outing.

ladylasagne · 10/09/2024 15:22

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, though I think the ring looks lovely. Use store credit for something else, and get a ring you like. You might as well be honest about it with your husband to be, you have the rest of your lives together! Just be gentle and tell him you love the sentiment and appreciate he did his best, but would prefer a different style of ring.

Original poster
Marooney · 10/09/2024 15:22

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 10/09/2024 12:21

It's a bog standard simple single solitaire, not much to the setting of the stone but that might be the angle of the photo. I guess it's not a diamond at £350.
Thousands of other ladies will be wearing it, or one very similar and they are probably delighted with their ring,
but you are not.

I chose a solitaire for my engagement ring - with the thought that solitaire means one, and it was my intention that he would be my one and only husband :)

accepting an exchange for a wedding ring or 2 is a brilliant suggestion from one of the other MN'ers.

I can understand your disappointment, and as this is a ring you hope to wear for the rest of your life it is important you love it !

You may have to accept he won't be able to afford to buy another engagement ring right now if the exchange is used for wedding ring/s ?

It was £420 actually, I got it wrong, and a lab diamond

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diddl · 10/09/2024 15:23

Just because he could have afforded more doesn't be he should!

If he really thought that you would like the ring then surely that is what counts?

But you don't like it.

You are to be married & should be able to tell him this & he should be able to accept it!

He would surely want you to have a ring that you love wouldn't he?

Original poster
Marooney · 10/09/2024 15:24

Miffylou · 10/09/2024 12:28

Tricky. But I think it would be hurtful to make a big deal of it. I like the idea of swapping it for two wedding rings. Alternatively, prod him to buy you a ring you’ve obviously admired, for a birthday or Christmas, and over time gradually swap which one you wear on which finger.

Yeah I don't want to make a big deal of it, but I don't really want to wear this ring at all :(

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Callaphone · 10/09/2024 15:26

Don't take it back to swap for wedding rings plural. Yours maybe, but I think you need to buy his wedding ring with your own money and give it to him, not fund it with a refund of his own rejected gift to you.

Original poster
Marooney · 10/09/2024 15:27

pinkyredrose · 10/09/2024 12:32

It is giving Elizabeth Duke at Argos vibes. Just be honest and get another one, you're the one that has to wear it.

Congratulations on your engagement!

Haha! You're right, sadly

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Original poster
Marooney · 10/09/2024 15:31

juicydroppop · 10/09/2024 12:35

I guess I'm in the minority here when I say whilst you're feelings are absolutely valid it sounds like he did the best he could and found something he thought you would really like

I'd be devastated if I'd spend time and hard earned money on something for my partner only for him to go online and tell strangers he didn't like it

Fair enough, I'm just after some advice on what to do. He didn't actually spend much time or money on it to be honest. But the post wasn't about that

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AbbeyGrange · 10/09/2024 15:31

I love it OP, but you can't help how you feel, what about a wedding ring with diamonds in? Would that help? Failing that would he be really upset if you did change it for something you love?

BabyOwlinthePlumeria · 10/09/2024 15:32

Can you afford to buy another ring that compliments it? My dm engagement ring was 3 different rings that fit together with the middle being the main stone that she could wear without the removable "setting" rings(I guess you would call them?) I would keep the one he got, but I'm a sentimental mush. Congratulations!

NiggleNoggle · 10/09/2024 15:33

I had exactly the same experience and swapped the engagement ring for a cocktail ring which I liked more. However, in retrospect it would have been better to exchange for two wedding rings/an eternity ring/wedding earrings as all of those are fine in a modern style. I found a ring I liked (secondhand so much cheaper!) a couple of years later.

Original poster
Marooney · 10/09/2024 15:33

YaWeeFurryBastard · 10/09/2024 12:37

This is mumsnet so you’ll be told you should be grateful if a man gets you a generic ring that cost less than a week’s wages 🙄.

I’ve got to be honest I’d have been offended if my husband had given me a £350 ring which wasn’t to my taste. Part of the whole “proposing” thing is the man (or woman) choosing something his partner will love and spending a significant (to him) amount of money on it, demonstrating he’s prepared to make financial sacrifices/save/treat his wife etc. My engagement ring is so special to me because my husband saved and spent a significant amount of his income on something he had made for me. What’s £350 in relation to his financial situation out of interest?

Actually it was £420 😆 and he could spend that on 2 dinners out, he's very generous actually.. this may be a cultural difference. Also don't mind the price if I love the style!

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YellowDayToday · 10/09/2024 15:34

@Marooney unhelpful post coming up…

I don’t like mine (been married 15 years) and if I won the lottery I would replace it! But alas no funds.

I would say try to change it if you can. You have to wear it for the rest of your life. Take this advice from someone who didn’t do anything about it!

Original poster
Marooney · 10/09/2024 15:36

BruceAndNosh · 10/09/2024 12:36

What about adding a vintage style enhancer ring to surround the solitaire?

It's a nice idea but will be too many rings, plus I think possibly more insulting to him than just changing it?!

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Original poster
Marooney · 10/09/2024 15:38

Girlslikepearls · 10/09/2024 12:41

Was it really just £360?

On your finger it looks more like 0.5carat and I'd expected it to be around £2K - 3K!

Is it a real diamond?

I would hate a man to choose my ring.

When we got engaged (30 years ago) we decided on a budget and went looking together.

Edited

0.3 k lab diamond, it was actually £420. We're not in the UK but surprised to hear there's such a difference in price

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tsmainsqueeze · 10/09/2024 15:40

I love it and i think it suits your hand, you could always have a more decorative wedding ring ie diamond band with it.

Original poster
Marooney · 10/09/2024 15:41

Devilsadvocat · 10/09/2024 12:41

I totally agree with this. You sound really spoilt. I hope he reads this and asks for his ring back. You are unbelievable.

Show quote history

He won't read it. Why is it spoilt to say something isn't my style? I have to wear it forever and don't like it, won't feel proud showing it off, and feel a bit down looking at it 🤷🏼‍♀️

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Caramellie3 · 10/09/2024 15:42

Maybe buy a super wedding ring to make up for it? I guess this is the down size of men proposing!

Original poster
Marooney · 10/09/2024 15:42

Girlslikepearls · 10/09/2024 12:46

In terms of style, I think the band is too wide for the size of the stone.

As it's a close up shot, it's hard to judge the size.

What carat is the diamond?

I agree, I like the width of the band but the stone is too small for it and my finger. 0.3k

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TheLever · 10/09/2024 15:42

I agree about it being Argos style that’s what I want to avoid myself. Just the high street style is not really me. I think you may that have to tell him. I think he has panicked like you say and just gone with a safe option.

Original poster
Marooney · 10/09/2024 15:44

MagneticSquirrel · 10/09/2024 12:44

I’m with you @Marooney, it’s generic and on the small side for your fingers and hands. I wouldn’t be happy wearing it either long term. Maybe until the wedding and then switch to wedding band only?

I'd be sad not to have an engagement ring that I love :(

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