Husband spends night round woman's house but they are not attracted to each other

[Purplelady45]

My husband for a long time has spent Friday night around a couple's house, having a smoke and post-pub drink. He crashes on their sofa. Anyway... that couple split up a while ago and he still goes around, but now it is just her. He doesn't text me to tell me where he has gone, just does not come home. I told him I felt upset that he was spending the night around a woman's house, just the two of them. But he says, and I believe him it is purely a friendship and they are not in the least attracted to each other. Still, it just feels really wrong. I put it to him, if it was me doing this how would he feel? If I was spending the night around some man's house. The issue is he won't stop. As far as he is concerned it is a friendship and I should grow up.

Apps OP believes him when he says that it’s just a friendship, but wants to double check with everyone else.

She's the insecure one, not him. Why should he give up a friend so she feels better? It's controlling.

Wow.
do you even need to ask if YABU ?
He is out smoking weed at a “mates” all night and you are the one that needs to grow up - oh please. 🙄

I wouldn't give my friends up for anyone. It's ridiculous.

I think you are very closed minded. The bigger picture, he is not messaging his wife to let her know where he is. He is smoking weed and sleeping over on a sofa (apparently) every week. It’s not an attractive look.

Even if my husband was doing this at a male friends house every week, I’d be putting a stop to it.

He's shagging her.

He doesn't text me to tell me where he has gone, just does not come home.

For this alone i would leave him.

If it's so innocent why aren't you invited?

I knew what the last line of this post was going to be, before I read it!

Yeah yeah. What a lucky day it was when all the wrong uns learned a new word. Now everytime a woman objects to any single thing they do no matter how unreasonable, they can parrot it at her to make her believe she's in the wrong. You must think we were all born yesterday.

If he's over 35 I wouldn't be happy with the weekly smoke sessions in themselves tbh as it suggests emotional immaturity.

Depending on whether they're smoking sativa or indica I'd say it's more likely they're sharing copious amounts of chocolate biscuits and marshmallows than having wild sex. Butttttt long booze and smoke sessions tend to lead to lengthy, deep and soul searching conversations so if theyre not having sex there's at least an emotional affair going on there.

Put ya foot down OP. It's her & the weed, or you.

What time does he come home on the Saturday? Is he helpful, pulls his weigh with the kids? Is he a good role model for them?

So if you have children is he home in time?

How is a father who stays out smoking weed with another women a good role model?

Fuck that. Hes shagging her in plain sight and deflecting back on you when questioned.

Why on earth would you tolerate this shit?

Honestly I'd prefer my partner to be shagging his friend than smoking weed until 4am. He should have grown out of that years ago.

My ex spent many nights at the house of a woman that he was not in the least attracted to.
Shortly after I left him she moved in with him.
They’re married now.

Sometimes people use questioning as a method of sparking thoughts. Socrates etc.

My husband for a long time has spent Friday night around a couple's house, having a smoke and post-pub drink. He crashes on their sofa. Anyway... that couple split up a while ago and he still goes around, but now it is just her
Your husband for a long time has had his eye on this woman, he's been hanging around waiting for a chance to make a move on her and now he can't believe his luck her partner has left and the way is clear. Even better his wife is naive and trusting enough to believe that there's nothing going on.
I wouldn't let on that I know but I would make mincemeat out of him one way or another were I in the op's shoes

Adult man having sleepovers with a couple every week would be a non starter for me never mind when it's just the woman. He needs to grow up and stop acting like a teenager on a Friday night

Hell No!

No. They’re not. It’s about respecting your partners’ feelings and if OP is uncomfortable with it, he should stop. No-one is suggesting they end the friendship if that’s all it is, but staying overnight at her home, just the two of them. Nope. Nada. Would be a deal breaker for me.

is he a good role model?
I actually laughed out loud at that.
Some people live in a parallel universe.

@offyoujollywelltrot really? I just think seeing your friend every Friday night is a bit over the top, I don’t have enough time to socialise every week!

Straight too the point! Was thinking same thing..what a twat he is...

I wouldn’t be at all ok with this even if the friend was a man. He’s leaving you on your tod with the kids every Friday night, all night, to go and drink and smoke weed. That on its own is shitty behaviour whether there’s more to it or not.

(and I bet there is)