Husband spends night round woman's house but they are not attracted to each other

[Purplelady45]

My husband for a long time has spent Friday night around a couple's house, having a smoke and post-pub drink. He crashes on their sofa. Anyway... that couple split up a while ago and he still goes around, but now it is just her. He doesn't text me to tell me where he has gone, just does not come home. I told him I felt upset that he was spending the night around a woman's house, just the two of them. But he says, and I believe him it is purely a friendship and they are not in the least attracted to each other. Still, it just feels really wrong. I put it to him, if it was me doing this how would he feel? If I was spending the night around some man's house. The issue is he won't stop. As far as he is concerned it is a friendship and I should grow up.

Rubbish, the day my DH spent the night with another woman is the day the door would be locked on his return. I'm sorry your having to put up with this behaviour OP. I hope you manage to sort this out.

There’s always one….

Hmm they break up he's still over there... OP I think we know why they broke up.

I laugh (not out loud, that would be odd) whenever someone confuses my opinion with the questions I ask.
Anyway OP, hopefully you can ask yourself a few more important questions away from the mn hivemind geniuses.

You have posted about this Prince Among Men before I believe.

It really is about time you threw him in the bin.

Unless you have an problem with him having regular weekly sex with someone else, I don't see the issue here.

Thank you. I find it really sad that there is just an assumption that men cannot have a genuine friendship with a woman. If you accept that it is a platonic relationship, and you didn’t have an issue when it was a couple, I don’t understand your issue.

Disagree with this, I think it is far more unlikely for a man to have a platonic friendship with a woman.

Being friends with her doesn’t mean he regularly has to spend the night at hers. That’s the weird part for me because adults don’t tend to have slumber parties, especially not on a weekly basis.

In short your husband has sleepovers at another woman's house to take class b drugs?
I wouldn't put up with thar treatment

As a man this is totally unacceptable, no one should accept this and the disrespect shown is unreal, if something hasn't happened already I'm sure in time it will.

If it were me, not letting husband know, I would make sure I have copies of all the official copies you both have, housing agreements, banks, wages, bills, and put them safely in another place, just in case and to feel prepared.

This sounds super weird. I’d invite myself over without giving them prior notice and see for myself.

In that case, ask him if he ex husband wants to come and stay round at yours....

I don’t like the sound of that little arrangement. If they are not having sex by now they soon will be.

This is batshit! Don’t be a doormat he’s wiping his feet all over you op! What would you think if you read this from another poster ,

Like you, I would feel very upset by this behaviour. I wouldn’t tell him to move out yet, but I would immediately and 100% take my focus off him and start to focus on building up my own life without him. I would make a date for myself every, single Friday night - like to go to a dance class or to a club. I would actively begin flirting with other men and I would be open to the idea of accepting coffee dates. I would make plans for the rest of my weekend designed to make myself feel good and not at dependent on my husband. I would do all this, NOT to make my husband jealous or to get revenge or anything. But purely for the practical reason that - my husband having thrown my self esteem under a bus - I would want to take full responsibility for raising my self worth again.

Then, when I felt better, I’d check in with whether I wanted to ask him to move out or not. And go from there. I wouldn’t make a big decision about living arrangements while still feeling the worst effects of his really awful behaviour.

You know what he’s up to but you don’t want to believe it. If he loved you he wouldn’t want you to feel like you’re feeling now. Don’t doubt yourself anymore. He’s so out of order.

Exactly what I thought!! It must be a joke ffs

This has more red flags than I can think of.

The fact he is showing no interest of it being unreasonable.

be very wary and brace yourself.

Nooooooo!!
Is this a wind up? If not you need a much better partner than him.

You have a right to be concerned. Yes men and women can have platonic friendships but then staying at hers every weekend is very suspect. Why can’t he get a taxi home to yours after the pub and why would she not think about you in the situation and how it might look. I certainly wouldn’t have a male friend stay at mine once a week on a night out. In fact, I only see my friends on occasion and not every weekend.

Can I ask if your husband is a covert narcissist (Google it and see if he fits any of the criteria I.e lack of empathy etc) If so, it’s likely he’s pulling the wool over your eyes in blatant sight and having a relationship with her. Narc’s love having a supply and likely he likes the fact he’s got attention all over.

You must be very naive if you don’t know what is really going on here. I’m sorry for you. The fact he doesn’t even text you, and just stays out is a reason I’d leave him, regardless where he was, even without the main part of the story being addressed!
Dear me, acceptance of this is why so many men repeatedly do this.

ehy does he need to tell her where he is or that he's staying over IF he's been doing this for years?

Isn't it fucking obvious where he is & that he's staying over??

plus if he's 'smoking' and they/she aren't within walking distance - then staying over is the best thing to do - (no public transport/not likely get a taxi around here). I certainly wouldn't be driving.