Husband spends night round woman's house but they are not attracted to each other

[Purplelady45]

My husband for a long time has spent Friday night around a couple's house, having a smoke and post-pub drink. He crashes on their sofa. Anyway... that couple split up a while ago and he still goes around, but now it is just her. He doesn't text me to tell me where he has gone, just does not come home. I told him I felt upset that he was spending the night around a woman's house, just the two of them. But he says, and I believe him it is purely a friendship and they are not in the least attracted to each other. Still, it just feels really wrong. I put it to him, if it was me doing this how would he feel? If I was spending the night around some man's house. The issue is he won't stop. As far as he is concerned it is a friendship and I should grow up.

Stoners still shag

You honestly believe he sleeps on the sofa ?

Tell your prat of a husband you have decided to spend every Saturday night with an other bloke, see how he reacts. You know he is making a fool out of you he is a lying cheating bastard of a man.

I didn't vote, because of course yabu that you even have to ask the question. Also yabu to put up with this. But yanbu to expect much better than this from your partner.

Lol. Why on earth should she? Its not like the world's running low on men, is it? Or a man who sits smoking with his mates ex until 4am is in high demand. Guys a dime a dozen waste of space. OP doesn't need to address a thing.

I mean smoking weed is a red flag for me, the rest just wouldn’t happen. But if you accept the smoking then what’s the issue?! They did it before right? Do you know the friend? Do you socialise together?

I think you’re focussing on the wrong issue. Even when the couple were together your husband was behaving moronically. Doing this every weekend when you have children together would make him repellant to me, what on earth do you see in him?

Ah, there are children involved.

Everyone is entitled to their own time but I would be unhappy with this weekly set up no matter if it was with a male or female friend.

@offyoujollywelltrot I agree that certainly there are platonic friendships, I’ve had males stay over at mine and have likewise stayed at others without my partner (but usually with because we tend to socialise together). However EVERY Friday it’s just those two, I wouldn’t like that at all and even if there was nothing to it, I’d stop if it upset my partner. Or I at least would cut back.

What does he bring to the table OP? Wits, intelligence, love, respect, decency ?
No, I didn't think so. So what are you waiting for? Help him pack his bags, stoned as he is he'll be taking off with your knickers and who knows what

Yeah that’s fine. But sounds like he’s been doing it all this time and it hasn’t bothered OP until now.

Well of course they do. But MN is far too quick to scream affair - there’s a real woman with a real family here. Maybe people shouldn’t be so gleeful over something that could implode multiple lives.

You are not unreasonable, but you just might be wrong. Balance of probability is that they are at it!

Sorry but what on earth are you putting up with this for? Husband and doesn’t even tell you where he’s gone and spending nights round another woman’s home. Think you’re the unreasonable one for letting this happen and putting up with it.

Has he no male friends?
Either way neither one of them has any respect for you, he'd find the door locked when he came home.

Change the locks. Lock down the joint bank account.

My first thought was the three of them were originally meeting for threesomes, the husband has become jealous causing them to split and now your husband is seeing her one on one.

This is what my mind went to as well. We could be wrong of course.

Even still, if no sex involved I still would not put up with husband not messaging me, staying over night at someone’s house on sofa EVERY week. The weed is a no for me too. He doesn’t sound like a catch tbh

So he's smoking weed not cigarettes?

Just wandering why he's not visiting the male friend to smoke his weed ?

The trouble with being in a relationship with a heavy weed smoker is....weed always comes first.

Well he's told you where he stands. Now its up to you to decide what you want to do about it.

We can all tell you that we wouldn't put up with it. But he's not going to listen to that. So what do you want to do? For me it would be the fact he isn't willing to discuss it and just tells you to grow up, that would be the last straw for me. I couldn't be with someone with so little respect for me irrespective of whether he's sleeping with her or not. Although I suspect if you ended the marriage he'd be moving into hers!

We all have our own boundaries and you have to think about what yours are. I can't see him changing his mind so it comes down to what you're willing to accept.

Where exactly does it say they flirt?

As much as I truly believe men and women can be friends, and both my husband and I have friends of the opposite sex...this is another level. Neither of us would dream of staying out at their houses alone. When we meet them separately, it's for a pint or a coffee. They're all in marriages so when there's an invite to houses, it's as couples. Some of these friends are exes from years back, too. We all get on and it's great.

But this is fucking bizarre. It's disrespectful for a start. His reaction is even worse! Even if nothing was going on, it's an awful way to talk to your wife! Then the staying up all hours and smoking weed and drinking like a teenager. Yuck. Why did you put up with this even when they were a couple?!

Why would you want to be with a grown man who spends every Friday away from home doing this? Surely people grow out of this kind of behaviour? My DH is from Norway and we fly back there for Xmas most years. He has one childhood friend we avoid because he hasn't grown out of wanting to stay up drinking beer until all hours. My husband will meet him for a few hours in the pub, but doesn't even want to stay longer. He doesn't come home pissed either.

I hope you don't have DC.

He crashes on their sofa.

Yes sure he does 🙄.
LTB

He's the one who should grow up. If it's upsetting you he should just stop it. He sounds like an immature oaf.

Sorry if someone has already commented with this - https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeKDUNaU/